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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious with DH (toddler accident)

320 replies

user63696369 · 21/07/2023 09:00

I am probably ABU, but I'm so angry at DH for what happened last night. NC as I've posted about this elsewhere!

Yesterday evening I asked DH to watch 15 m/o DD while I did a few jobs after her dinner. I was in the utility room when I heard him swear, and came running out into the hallway just in time to see my DD bouncing down a flight of six solid mahogany stairs. She cried straightaway, but seemed okay, although obviously I took her to be checked out (which resulted in a very late night for all of us and I have an absolute tonne of work to do today and I could really do without being completely knackered). I did call 111 first but they didn't call back until around midnight and I didn't want to put her to bed without taking advice, so we were already at the hospital.

I know kids have accidents, but this was completely preventable. He'd left some stuff on the floor she shouldn't have been able to get hold of and in the course of taking it off her and putting it back where it was, she'd run straight out into the hallway and gone flying down the stairs. I never leave doors open when I am watching her for this very reason - I also would have picked her up and relocated the items elsewhere while holding her. I'm always on at him about safety issues and I feel like he never takes me seriously. Well now I am left with the image of her bouncing down the stairs like a ragdoll and I am fucking fuming. She could have been killed or seriously injured.

AIBU to still be absolutely furious at him? He had a 9am meeting this morning but I let DD lie in as she was knackered and told him he could do the nursery drop, fill in the accident form and explain what happened - and if he was late for his meeting, that was his problem.

So as not to drip feed, I have diagnosed PTSD that arises from DD's health.

OP posts:
Toomuchfun · 22/07/2023 21:15

I completely understand you frustration and upset. He could have easily left the things that the child had got into or even stop the child from getting into them. All you wanted was a bit of time to do some work and he as a parent should have kept the child safe. It's not like the child tripped and grazed their knee it was a big fall downstairs.

homeishere · 22/07/2023 21:32

15 months old is old enough to be taught how to safely navigate stairs. Both how to climb up and down.

In our old place we had a huge central staircase that was too large for a stair gate, so we taught our young DDs how to climb them and played games on them etc. If you constantly stop your DD from experiencing anything (like shutting the door on them) then she will be more likely to have accidents, not less.

parliamoglesga · 22/07/2023 22:17

LTB. He’ll be much happier without you breathing down his neck. I’m joking. Honestly though, is this your first child?

I hope when she has an accident on your watch that he’s far kinder to you than you’ve been to him.

SoupDragon · 22/07/2023 22:23

Father0f0ne · 22/07/2023 20:47

I’ve not had an accident with my child in the year he’s been alive.

She certainly is lucky to have me. £1m house, 4 cars on drive, 6 holidays a year etc etc

as I say, I agree with the original posters reaction and point of view. Her husband should keep an eye out, her child could have been injured.

A whole year! Wow!

😂😂

bertik · 22/07/2023 23:00

You need to stop being so anxious and let your DC learn to negotiate stairs. DD is 14m and has been crawling up for months, starting to bump down them now. She's had a few tumbles but caught herself in time and tbh it's the only way for them to learn to be more careful around stairs. She can open doors and has ended up in the stairs a few times when our backs are turned, it happens. Wouldnt cross my mind to go to A&E after a tumble if she seemed fine in herself. Ours are carpeted and it doesn't make sense to have uncarpeted stairs with young dc.

Dibbydoos · 23/07/2023 01:34

YANBU.

My friends hubby had an accident on the stairs that caused him brain damage. He was in his early 30's when it happened and he's been in a nursing home since.

We all need to put safety first before we do anything else. Your DH was utterly careless.

Avoidable accidents should be avoided.

Fraaahnces · 23/07/2023 02:12

Honestly can’t believe the evil trolls on this thread @user63696369 There seem to be a lot of incels at play. Of COURSE you need to ensure the safety of your child. Anyone who says otherwise is bonkers. I’m so pleased that you have sorted out a plan for the stairs. You would be anxious waiting for something else to happen if you didn’t. You sound like a great mum to me. I’m sorry DH’s accountability gene isn’t working though.

LoisLane66 · 23/07/2023 02:42

Everyone seems to have some kind of MH issue nowadays. If it's not PTSD it's Autism, ADHD ADD, SEN, ND, Asperger's, anxiety, stress etc etc🙄
I wonder what are the root causes of all these issues and how people my age managed our lives without being 'diagnosed' or having therapy, counselling to deal with everyday life.

MrsKnows · 23/07/2023 02:48

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable because your feelings are valid - accidents happen and you need to let this resentment and anger go for your own sanity.

Your PTSD may be adding to your stress though! However much we try to be, we usually aren’t perfect parents! My DH was the one in charge whenever my DD had bad trips and falls - I let it go because he didn’t do it on purpose and I thought one day, she might have an accident when she was with me!

Emz6103 · 23/07/2023 05:57

Well she won't do it again will she!! We learn from our mistakes at an early age, put a stair gate up and carpet down......tell your baby she's not to do that again, show her how to come down the stairs and tell her to stop running around. You have PTSD? Because of her health? Sounds like you both need to grow up

Emz6103 · 23/07/2023 06:10

What an absolutely disgusting thing to say!! What a horrible attitude because here you are.....it's Saturday night.....reading said comments on YOUR thread. Smh the

Tomasinabombadil · 23/07/2023 07:10

@user63696369
Our house is unusual and split level, there are stairs everywhere and they can't be carpeted as they are open tread.

I’ve got open tread stairs, each step is (wrap-around) carpeted. Mind you I do only have one main staircase.

Here’s some examples I found online, my stairs are similar in appearance to the bottom left photo.🙂

To be furious with DH (toddler accident)
diddl · 23/07/2023 08:11

Our stairs were open tread & we put risers in.

Original poster
user63696369 · 23/07/2023 08:26

LoisLane66 · 23/07/2023 02:42

Everyone seems to have some kind of MH issue nowadays. If it's not PTSD it's Autism, ADHD ADD, SEN, ND, Asperger's, anxiety, stress etc etc🙄
I wonder what are the root causes of all these issues and how people my age managed our lives without being 'diagnosed' or having therapy, counselling to deal with everyday life.

Well this will really piss you off: I have PTSD AND I'm autistic! 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
user63696369 · 23/07/2023 08:28

Emz6103 · 23/07/2023 06:10

What an absolutely disgusting thing to say!! What a horrible attitude because here you are.....it's Saturday night.....reading said comments on YOUR thread. Smh the

Because I get emails everytime someone tags me? Bit hard to ignore really, it's not as if I'm sitting here refreshing the thread waiting for comments 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Original poster
user63696369 · 23/07/2023 08:30

Tomasinabombadil · 23/07/2023 07:10

@user63696369
Our house is unusual and split level, there are stairs everywhere and they can't be carpeted as they are open tread.

I’ve got open tread stairs, each step is (wrap-around) carpeted. Mind you I do only have one main staircase.

Here’s some examples I found online, my stairs are similar in appearance to the bottom left photo.🙂

Thank you - we've organised for risers to be fitted (we had been told this wasn't possible but apparently it is and then we will carpet) we have 3 separate open flights (1 in lounge and 2 in hallway which are part of the same staircase but separate flights)

OP posts:
Rookiesboy · 23/07/2023 08:55

You need stair gates top and bottom. Until you instal these you are both responsible. Then if DD falls down stairs because a gate is left open, it's the responsibility of who left the gate open or who was supervising her on the stairs.

Rookiesboy · 23/07/2023 09:02

Also don't forget that as they get older your children will sleep walk and stumble around the house late as they go to the loo. My brother fell down stairs once as a young child doing this so Dad put a staircase up. I did the same for my 3 DC until they were older. Gate was later used for puppy control. !!!

masterblaster · 23/07/2023 09:23

Babies bounce.

First child?

Original poster
user63696369 · 23/07/2023 10:24

Rookiesboy · 23/07/2023 09:02

Also don't forget that as they get older your children will sleep walk and stumble around the house late as they go to the loo. My brother fell down stairs once as a young child doing this so Dad put a staircase up. I did the same for my 3 DC until they were older. Gate was later used for puppy control. !!!

This is my worry. There is a mini flight between her room and ours - and the bathroom. Do we go with an extra tall gate and teach her to shout for us when she needs us?

OP posts:
Original poster
user63696369 · 23/07/2023 10:25

masterblaster · 23/07/2023 09:23

Babies bounce.

First child?

Patronising, much?

OP posts:
girlladywoman · 23/07/2023 10:55

@user63696369 isn't been aggressive or rude to her replies in the slightest?! She is just being honest.

Original poster
user63696369 · 23/07/2023 11:46

girlladywoman · 23/07/2023 10:55

@user63696369 isn't been aggressive or rude to her replies in the slightest?! She is just being honest.

Thank you. It seems on AIBU you are expected not to even respond 🙄 otherwise you are "aggressive"

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 23/07/2023 12:11

Father0f0ne · Yesterday 20:47

I’ve not had an accident with my child in the year he’s been alive.

She certainly is lucky to have me. £1m house, 4 cars on drive, 6 holidays a year etc “

No accidents for a year, most of which he has presumably been unable to move under his own steam? Oh, well done you, what an hero.

You’re not exactly setting him up for a safe and comfortable future though, are you, with your 4 cars and 6 annual holidays?

Jacesmum1977 · 23/07/2023 13:10

I get the being protective bit especially if you have ptsd relating to your child however your husband will be feeling bad enough that this happened without you going all in on him.
Kids have accidents.
Watching my kids roll down the stairs was the most sickening sight because they both decided they didn’t need to wait for a parent to go first.
My kids dad was struggling with our son in his arms and our son fell to the floor.
I reacted so badly toward my partner who felt so so bad especially as this was a concrete floor and I was going nuts.
Trust me, your husband feels bad enough!

Chill your boots sister.

There will be many more accidents and you will learn that not everything needs a hospital visit.
So long as there’s no vomit then a close eye at home should be good enough.

Kids bounce. They’re robust.
They will carry on after a little cry living their best lives while we’re still getting over the last one 😉✌🏻

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