My DD told me to get an abortion.

[Wowokthanks]

I've name changed because I know a few people who use MN,

1 she probably doesn’t want another sibling
2 she doesn’t want everyone to know her parents still have sex and your pregnancy is a clear indication you do

it’s not up to her. I’d just explain that it’s your body, your life, your choice.

in regards to your financial situation: I misread. But I do think that a calm conversation about your finances would be a good idea.

She had the audacity to tell anther woman to do with her body but then you say you are "almost completely against abortions". What does that mean? Also an early term abortion is not "killing a baby". I am not saying it's OK what her daughter said but you are deliberately using emotive language about embryos to push your agenda.

Hmm. I agree with picking your battles but I think at 15 it's fair to point out to her that she (no one) gets to tell a woman what to do about her pregnancy.

She could express concern over money and how the baby may impact her - but she doesn't get to tell you that you should have an abortion.

I don't think I would have been keen to have another baby sibling as a teenager. There are lots of ways this is going to impact her so it is not unexpected she is hitting out if she has concerns. It is also likely those concerns are deeper and more complex than just money.

She is not going to have her mum on tap when she needs her during some of the more important years of her life - navigating her teen and exam years because mum is going to be very busy with two dependent infants. Most teens have a reasonably quiet house during study time as siblings are the same age, she will have noise and disruption.

While it is not her decision, you do need to listen to her and help her understand her concerns without invalidating them. Teens are hard work and need a lot of your time too.

I think she was probably acting like the majority of completely self absorbed teenagers. I think when they look at things like abortion in school, it is from a very emotionless perspective - the legal side, the ethics - so the idea that this could be hurtful to you is just not on her radar (or not much). I know exactly what you mean about being looked down on. My two do this. There seems to be a dissatisfaction with what we have compared to their friends. It is more a grass is greener situation. We are comfortably off but we live in an area where there is a lot of serious wealth and I think they have a skewed idea of reality because of that sometimes. It boils my blood though because my husband and I work very hard and sometimes I worry I am raising two very entitled teenagers. Congrats by the way!

Ignore - just ignore.

The trouble with Mums getting pregnant is that you have to come to terms with the fact that your parents are "at it." ..... when of course they are far too old to be doing any such thing!!

She'll get over it.

She sounds like a spoilt brat with ideas above her station.

When you’re 15 small babies running around isn’t exactly as exciting as it is to the parent. Things you might normally do with teens you can’t do when they’ve got much younger siblings. She was out of order to suggest an abortion

"Maybe tell her someone told you the same thing when you were pregnant with her, that will shut her up!"

This OP!!

At age 15 she seems like she has a almighty sensible head on her shoulders. I say that because you've been going on about the cost of living to her, and she's obviously concerned about money. I have a teen and haven't gone on about the cost of living to them. Just telp her you can afford a new baby.

Just ignore her. She made a thoughtless and hurtful comment which I guarantee will play on her mind when she's older.

I once said something insensitive to my stepdad (who raised me since 3) not being my real dad at around that age. I often think about it and have apologised more than once in adulthood.

She sounds a bit of a spoiled brat.

I'd love to know what sort of "career" she thinks she's going to have...

Thank you all for the responses, I wasn't expecting quite so many!

Just a few things, she's a pretty sensitive kid, well liked by her teachers because she's responsible and kind. Usually she's kind to the point I worry about her so this is a shock.

Maybe it matters, maybe it doesn't but I had her at 17, so I've had a child with no money and no plan, and our lives are completely different to what they were...or probably should have been! So her citing money reasons is a bit of a punch in the gut.

We have everything from when the youngest was born,
Minus their 0-3m clothes because I gave them to someone who needed them, but everything else is in the house still so a baby wouldn't necessarily need any "big" items.

We would need to change our car, which I have been discussing doing anyway because FIL is going to have to stop driving soon, and it'll enable me to pick up the PILS.

The financial discussions often happen when DD is around, because we're trying to model that as things change economically around us, we need to change our behaviours to remain comfortable.... maybe I need to address that, but we do talk about financial planning and the importance of setting herself up financially (in a way that I didn't have the opportunity to)
Writing it out, maybe she's seeing that I'm saying don't be like me and thinking, well of course they're broke! I think I might need to discuss that with her.

Also, discussions around abortion have happened frequently in our house- her plan was to live in the US for a few years when she's older, the new abortion laws have been the basis of the discussion of women's rights being taken away. So maybe she's also of the view that I think abortions are an easy, no consequence option? Again, maybe I'll need to address the way we discuss things. Maybe she doesn't understand the emotional turmoil that an abortion often is?

She doesn't get involved with parenting. She's done the odd stint of babysitting, I mean 15 minutes when I needed to leave for work and DH was in traffic- and we paid her better than we pay the childminder! I dont want to expose her to the responsibilities of a baby that isn't hers. We live in a townhouse, and the youngest isn't even in his own room because its on the same floor as hers, because I don't want to risk her being woken up by him if he cries in the night.

She does have a career in mind, engineering. She's a smart kid, she knows what she wants to do, and all of her mock GCSE results meet the criteria already for her to get into the further education she wants to do directly after school.

I can appreciate that she won't want babies around, how embarrassing for her but she is talking of spending as much time out of the house as she can.
She leaves school next year, she wants a part time job, she wants to attend further education 45 minutes away, then she's going to university- she's adamant she's going to one far away so she can stay in halls and she wants her own life so I can't see her being around that much for the young ones to cramp her style too much.

Maybe we just need to revisit the conversation when emotions aren't quite so high. She's a nice kid usually, and I'm not sure that feeling as hurt as I do, I'm going to be able to see past the hurt of what she's said.

Do some of the previous posters not remember what it’s like to be a teenager?! She’s 15. She’s pissed she has to share her Mum yet again with a child who she can’t relate to because there’s such a big age gap. 15 year olds, unless they love little kids, aren’t going to be thrilled with all the mess/chaos/attention that goes with a newborn, especially so close to having done it previously with another much wanted and longed for sibling.

Teenagers, on the whole, don’t have the emotional literacy or understanding to be able to vocalise exactly how they feel, so make often hurtful throw away comments to portray how they feel instead.

Id have a conversation with her by herself, when she’s calm, about what is really going on with how she feels. An honest conversation about money/entitlement/effects of abortion wouldn’t go amiss either. Waters tend to run deeper than people think with children and young people, from my experience anyway.

At age 15 she seems like she has a almighty sensible head on her shoulders. I say that because you've been going on about the cost of living to her, and she's obviously concerned about money.

She apparently throws clothes in the bin after a wear or two, so I doubt that's it!

Mine actually told me just yesterday that if I have a baby he is moving out 🤣

It's none of her business and not her place to say that to you OP. You should do what YOU feel is right.

This.

And i can't blame her for not wanting life upended again. She'll be even more the odd one out.

She does sound spoilt, I am afraid.

I would say that discussing finances in front of children is not the best thing, as they tend to have a partial understanding, and get stressed if you see, worried.

I would ask her to make a sensible budget for herself and discuss it with her. Then, within reason, she will see that she can still do things even with the additional expense of a new baby (I mean you agreeing a budget for her, not contextualising it within your own finances, which are none of her business).

I have known teens (as a teacher) get very excited and very involved with new babies! It is not always true it is not exciting for them, although I guess this is the second within a couple of years.

I mean at 15/16 I would have ran far away from home with my mum having babies tbh so I can’t blame her either for wanting to get out to halls for further education.

little children are loud and to teenagers annoying. Just where she’s old enough for coffee shops and more grown up things with mum, mum goes and adds babies. Back to soft play and such, holidays more geared to toddlers while she’s just the tag along now.

What she sees is you creating a new family without her basically from the sounds of her wanted to move far away asap.

Is she worried for your health?

Interesting. Your penultimate paragraph says it's oh so horrible someone to tell a woman what they should do with their own body but your final paragraph outs this as a total lie and you just think women should do what you want them to do.

Oh and taking responsibility can mean getting an abortion if it's right for the individual. You sound like a forced childbirther who hates women having control of their own bodies.

Sounds like rather a spoilt nasty madam to me. I feel for you as teens are very superior and can behave in very ugly ways

Sorry, what I said was, we aren't just about putting food on the table. In example, we're not just about meeting our essential needs, there is extra money. Money is there when it's needed or wanted.

Access to money is probably an odd term. Not sure why I use that, but it is the way I tend to talk,
Access to money, access to food, access to transport.... I use the word access a lot lol.