My DD told me to get an abortion.

[Wowokthanks]

I've name changed because I know a few people who use MN,

I think the OP has had enough stick without you being the ceo of mumsnet and instructing her how to avoid people vile to her. Theres a word for people who tell people what to change to avoid being bullied.

did you tell her in a "whatever shall i do"manner/?
even so-shes allowed an opinion.But not to think shes calling the shots. reframe it if required into "we are having a baby"
How is she with second child. ?my ds1 was 14 when i discovered was gony be ds2. i was terrified t tell him, tho he took the news well.15 by time bro got here and adores him. Didnt have a age range sibling to accompany him through childhood..or ever feel like he "missed out" hes the best big brother ever tho. Went uni at 17 so they havent even lived together that ds 2 can remember,they call each other daily and have the strongest bond.at 15 how she is=who she is to a degree.
oh and congratulations! x

Thwy've had a lot of helpful comments. Remarkably.

I must have missed that one amongst the posta asking if she puts peppa pig on. I've yet to see one.

Hi OP. I haven't read all the responses but I have read all of your posts.

I think you're due a double dose of congratulations - for this pregnancy and for having brought up your first born so well! I can only imagine what it must have been like being a teenage mum. It sounds like you have really turned it round!
Sure DD's spoken out of turn but she's probably knackered at the end of term and feeling like another baby around the place is just the last thing she needs. But I bet once she's decompressed a bit and come to terms with it she'll apologise for the comment. There's time over the summer to have some calm conversations that will hopefully allay her concerns. If she's generally the pragmatic sensible type you've described then she'll most likely come round to your way of thinking. Especially when you set out to her the financial planning you've already got in place for her driving lessons and uni course. She might not ever be delighted at the younger sibling but she'll probably accept them in time.
Good luck🙂!

Teenagers do say the most tactless and insensitive things. I would just tell her that having or not having an abortion is a very personal choice, and that she should never tell others either to get one or to not get one. And that you are certainly not getting one!

Beyond that, I would not take her remark too seriously, either from the point of view of worrying about your decision to have another child, or assuming that she's generally a spoilt brat and that you should get tougher with her.

I do think that, as long as she has a negative or strongly ambivalent attitude to having younger siblings (I suspect that the cost-of-living comments were just a rationalization of this rather than the main reason), you should if at all possible avoid using her as a babysitter for them. Both for her sake and for theirs.

Sounds like your current child is an easy baby luckily.

However a toddler and a newborn is a whole new world. Also this second well third baby might not be a calm happy little chappy.

and of course having more than one child is always selfish technically having any is. But the big age gap families it’s extra hard on the older children who will often feel pushed out or neglected in favour of a toddler/baby, or for some end up as secondary parents themselves. Add the fact that often this new young family have everything from a young age while the older sibling/s often grew up in very different often poorer lives and resentment sets in.

Then the normal peaceful household is now full of crying or toddler chatter and little kid noisy toys it’s really not ideal during exams and revising let’s be honest.

I suppose you might point out to DD that it would have probably been suggested that a very young, single girl who found herself pregnant might be well advised to have an abortion. And yet, here she is.

Whilst it was ill expressed I can see your DD point of view. I absolutely hated having baby siblings at her age. Their needs were so much more obvious and immediate. I felt left out and uncared for. My mum would massively disagree that my siblings had anything but a positive impact on me but I felt how I felt and it seriously impacted my relationship with my parents and siblings. Having had the experience I had, there's no way I'd have another child when mine are teenagers.

I'm not saying you DD is right, she's not, it's your baby, your body. But to say she isn't impacted by them is wrong, even if her points aren't true, she's trying to express something that's intangible in many ways.

You can emotionally blackmail her into silence but that’s not a very mature wat to parent.

She clearly has concerns about the impact of another baby and it would be better for OP to discuss it with her.