My DD told me to get an abortion.

[Wowokthanks]

I've name changed because I know a few people who use MN,

She sounds awful, entitled, and arrogant.
The spoilt madame does not get to make decisions about your life.

I wouldn't worry too much about her outburst she'll be gone in a few years to University. Enjoy your pregnancy your DD will come around. You both sound like good parents just talk to her and if she says anything tell her tuff my body my choice you don't pay my bills.

No I dont.

But how can you claim to be pro choice and then claim that its perfectly okay for DD to tell Op to have one and she should, just because tjeres nothing wrong with it...

I cant decide whether to take you seriously or not.

I understand why you have name changed a lot of posters will do the thinking for you on here and they tend to be judge and jury.

Yes, she should be the perfect child and say 'I can't wait for you to have this baby mummy dearest, I am so looking forward to being woken up every night at 3am when I've got Maths GCSE the next morning, I love it when the house smells like a nappy bin, and I can't think of anything I'd love to do more than babysit instead of hanging out with my mates. Yippppeeeee!'

Yeah, that's exactly what I meant, because theres absolutely no middle ground between your ridiculous and telling her mum to kill her baby in case she doesnt get as much money. Absolutely none.

Cool head. There's a reason we hope our 15 yr olds won't get pregnant/ run away to live alone etc; it's because they don't have the emotional maturity, life experience and understanding of adult life to deal with those situations.

She has too-easy money and a womans body but she is just an immature kid; she very obviously has minimal understanding of finance, reproduction, sexual partnerships etc.

Don't take her advice to heart. Any more than you'd listen to her advice on mortgages.

You've totally put your own spin on how she's a greedy little madam who wants her mother to get an abortion so as to keep funding her own lifestyle. It clearly isn't that but if you're determined to believe so ill of this girl that you've never met, you've got your own issues so I'll leave you to it.

THIS

She is 15. It’s hard being a 15 year old girl! Hormones, life changes etc… it can be a turbulent time emotionally and people often expect a level of emotional maturity from 15/16 year olds when they may still be learning how to articulate how they feel.

When my best friend at school found out her mum was pregnant we were 13/14 and she cried and cried because she felt like she wasn’t important now she was older and they were having a new baby because “she wasn’t cute anymore” that little sibling is still the golden child.

its not wrong of your DD to have mixed/strong feelings about the scenario but you need to actually talk to her about it.

The small age gap (Op is early 30s) and fact she’s been an only for most of it probably means they have a close more friends type relationship. It also sounds Op quite open with her about finances.
Girl is only 15. Yes it’s inappropriate and Op needs to tell her but if usually happy and get on I’d be wanting to know where it was coming from and reassuring her.

And let’s be honest, there is nothing wrong with having/wanting another baby at all. But arguably, if it’s going to massively impact the life of your other children (it will) it is selfish. That’s ok. It’s up to you, but you can’t expect your children to always blindly go along with what you are doing with a smile and a skip down the road.

I think people are getting ahead of themselves diagnosing that this must be about her upset about being displaced. She clearly stated her reasoning was the money thing, and OP has said that this is part of a wider attitude of snobbery from her on this subject.

Better to address the actual matter at hand before assuming it must be code for something else.

But then posters wouldn't be able to kick the OP, would they?

People (myself included) are diagnosing that because it obviously IS that. 'Snobbery about money' is a weird reason not to want to have a baby in the house, babies being an annoying pain in the arse when you're a teenager isn't.

Speaking as the oldest of five who was an unpaid babysitter from the age of 11.

It's not kicking the OP to say her daughter probably doesn't want a baby in the house.

No, but pretending it is completely acceptable to tell her to get an abortion is.

Your daughter's 14. She is entitled to an opinion. Another baby will effect her immensely. It's not up to her to decide if you go ahead with the pregnancybor not as lm sure if you've told her the news abortion is not an option. Just tell her that. They'll be another baby on the way and you view this as a positive thing.
Don't be too harsh on her though. I'm sure many people would come to the same conclusion

Depends on the context. If she screamed 'get an abortion!' then that's bad. But if she genuinely thinks that's the right thing to do, then it isn't. Depends on the sort of relationship you have with your kids, but I've always encouraged mine to be honest with me. I am not an 'I pay the bills so shut up and do as you're told' parent as many seem to be on here.

First off, congrats on your pregnancy 💐

It sounds like she's worried about the upheaval of a new baby in the house, and has expressed it in a teenage fashion. It's a big adjustment for everyone, especially at her age when she's getting ready to sit exams and begin the run-up to applying for uni etc.

Maybe you need to have a sit down and have a grownup chat with her about her concerns about what will happen when the baby is born. She doesn't get to choose whether you have a baby or not. But you might be able to reassure her that you will do everything you can to make sure she still gets all the support and attention she needs. I think she needs to feel listened to and like you won't neglect her needs when the baby arrives.

But arguably, if it’s going to massively impact the life of your other children (it will) it is selfish.

This is really absurd. By this logic, nobody should have more than 1 child, ever. And in fact a mother who dares to work outside the house is ”selfish”, too, because it massively impacts the life of the child. I know this logic, it's specific to many children and teenagers. Everything that isn't for me and threatens my complete monopoly over my mother's life = selfishness!

I can't believe that anyone would think a child should be consulted about whether another sibling should be 'allowed'. So much drama about a perfectly normal situation; a pregnancy. I went to school with umpteen kids whose parents had children after big age gaps. I don't recall anyone having hysterics about it, apart from the yuk of parents actually having sex. My sister is 16 years younger than me, that was the only adverse feeling I had.

Tbh, DS isn't much of a crier. He's quite a good baby.
I think some posters are possibly thinking about our situation in a different context than our reality actually is.

Having a baby and a teen in the house is a bit of a juggling act, but I think we've managed well.

Were up early, we take DD to school.
Then the day is generally ours for baby classes, swimming, groups etc and the housework I manage when DS sleeps.

I then collect DD. The afternoons are hers really.
The evenings I'm working, if DH is assumed to be home after I'm going to leave DS is at the childminders, and DD and I grab dinner alone, have a good chat.
The days I'm not going to be working, we generally pick up some shopping, or come home, have a snack, and watch something that she wants on TV and have dinner as a family.
Once dinner is done that's generally DDs time, so she goes to cadets or one of us goes to the gym with her whilst the other tends to the babies needs.

Our life really doesn't evolve around the baby with poor DD in the dark or parentified.

She isn't expected to look after DS except in very rare occasion for a few minutes. He is my baby, not hers. It wouldn't be fair to put those responsibilities onto her.

I think that the dynamic really changes when you have 2 children at very different ages instead of purely being able to focus on one's needs exclusively.
I'm not sure how much this would change when there are two.

Depends on her reasoning.

Worried about getting less money isnt one.

And as with the ludicrous poster who responded to me saying she shoulsjt have made the comment to suggest I thought she should fall over with joy, theres a spectrum. Theres a huge spectrum. In the real world, people have thoughts but behave with care and thought. They dont just say as they like and thats okay.

She's 15, tell her she's rude and to mind her own business, if she carries on acting like a madam she'll be having pocket money (or whatever she gets/enjoys) removed. Don't give her opinion any head space.

My parents had a third when my brother and I were 15 and 10, she was a "surprise", we were over the moon about it, I honestly can't imagine having such a horrible reaction to the news.

I agree. One of the most ridiculous things ive read.