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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at DH for wanting finances car?

185 replies

hippygirllucky · 21/07/2023 01:58

DH has a car he bought 2 years ago, 2014 model. Runs fine, the air con has needed regassing but otherwise good.

Today he's announced that he's going to trade his car in for a much bigger car on finance. We have 1 DD with no plans for another at the moment and the only place he really drives regularly is 5 minutes to work and back. The total cost for new car is £41000 (seems an eye watering amount to me!)... it's not even a brand new car, it's an ex showroom car. He's already decided. We have about £5k in savings. He intends on trading in his old car against it and making almost £400 a month payments, with a £14000 lump sum payment at the end of 4 years.

AIBU for hitting the roof when he told me this? He seems to think £400 a month is nothing (it's half our mortgage payment!) and hasn't even seemed to start thinking about where the £14000 at the end is going to come from (he just said "I'll save up!"). We can technically afford it, if we make compromises... it's just such a pointless expense when he has a perfectly good car. He says he will pay for it entirely out of his salary but my argument is that this WILL affect me and DD. Do you think I'm being too controlling? Would you be upset or would you say "your decision"? He seems to think I'm being overly controlling.

OP posts:
Bluesheeps · 21/07/2023 02:04

Yeah I’d be pissed off if it will affect family finances, but if you earn enough he can afford it so be it?
similarly my partner decided we needed a car a couple of years ago similar price range, I thought it was ridiculous but went along in the end as it doesn’t affect our lifestyle.
hes already decided he wants an upgrade….
he shouldn’t be making these decisions without you on board though and he already seems quite far down the road

Debini · 21/07/2023 02:06

No you’re not being controlling, this affects you too and is a massive amount of money. He should respect your opinion.

HighEndGrifters · 21/07/2023 02:07

We are very comfortable, we have no mortgage, no debt, and we drive around in second hand cars, both cars are in the region of fourteen years old, but we own them, we think leasing is a mugs game, and quite frankly this would be a deal breaker for me.

Personally, I would ask him to save the bubble payment first and transfer it to you, so at least that part of your annoyance is salved, I would then ask him to produce a budget to prove where the £400 a month is coming from and his contingency fund if he loses his job.

Finance is glossy and easy, but when you make him drill down and extrapolate he may think differently.

Bluesheeps · 21/07/2023 02:11

HighEndGrifters · 21/07/2023 02:07

We are very comfortable, we have no mortgage, no debt, and we drive around in second hand cars, both cars are in the region of fourteen years old, but we own them, we think leasing is a mugs game, and quite frankly this would be a deal breaker for me.

Personally, I would ask him to save the bubble payment first and transfer it to you, so at least that part of your annoyance is salved, I would then ask him to produce a budget to prove where the £400 a month is coming from and his contingency fund if he loses his job.

Finance is glossy and easy, but when you make him drill down and extrapolate he may think differently.

@HighEndGrifters leasing isn’t necessarily a mugs game. New cars however do lose a lot of value.
you obviously pride yourself on having no debt or credit. But money makes money so if you can free it up for investments that’s nowhere close to a mugs game

HighEndGrifters · 21/07/2023 02:15

@Bluesheeps

Exactly my point, a lot of money on deposit and invested because we don’t believe in finance and mad repayments.

All that aside, I would be severely unhappy at the lack of dialogue re what I see as a very large financial undertaking.

sandyhappypeople · 21/07/2023 02:16

Oh he’s being a massive twat.

I actually pity people who would contemplate do this, things have changed slightly in relation to this, but as a general rule all a car ever does is depreciate, there’s no ‘investment’ there you may as well Chuck 40 grand in the bin. Imagine what you could do with 40 grand over 4 years? Besides, when he can’t afford the balloon payment, it will be traded in for another on the same monthly payment for another 4 years.. is an endless cycle of wasted money and ‘rented’ cars.

the problem with it to me, is it’s not a necessity AT ALL, cars get you from A to B, the car he’s got now would do that, unless you’ve got money to burn, anyone contemplating doing this to drive it 5 miles a day is, no offence, selfish.

not that I have strong feelings on it at all...

HighEndGrifters · 21/07/2023 02:17

@sandyhappypeople

I bloody love you. 😂

MintJulia · 21/07/2023 02:19

He's crazy. Is it an electric car, with much reduced running costs? Is there any sort of sanity behind his madness? Or really just a boys-toys idiocy?

Bluesheeps · 21/07/2023 02:21

@HighEndGrifters but I’ve had relatively spenny cars in the past, I leased rather than bought as it enabled me to put the other 40 odd grand into stocks and shares whixh earnt me more than the hcp repayments.
same reason I have an interest only mortgage as it frees up my cash for elsewhere.

but I think we both agree on the lack of comms being the issue here!

Thepossibility · 21/07/2023 02:40

He sounds like an idiot that is doing it for a boost to his ego- look at me in my fancy car that I can't particularly afford and really didn't need!
I'd be furious.

CoffeeBeansGalore · 21/07/2023 03:03

You don't know how much mortgage payments & utilities will go up by. Could this vanity purchase end up affecting your ability to pay for your house?

£400 per month is a lot of money to find, and even more to save £14000 on top of the extra £400 .

Quite frankly he's being an idiot.

Can you get him to compromise? For the next 6 months he has to put aside all the money needed for the finance & saving (for the balloon payment). So approx £700 per month.

At the end of 6 months if it has not affected anything else & your lifestyle has not changed, all the bills & savings are still affordable, then he can buy the car.

But it then poses the question that if he is able to save £700 per month with no issue, why isn't he doing that now?

LadyJ2023 · 21/07/2023 03:06

41000 for an ex car wow what the heck is it. I've just bought a brand new one for 34 and it has all the tech etc...either way I would never do finance personally and I would never get anything without hubby's support

GlitterSquid · 21/07/2023 03:12

The average car finance spend is between 250-300pm now.
Anything in the 400+ range IS pricey to most budgets, but not uncommon.

Because of the preferential interest rates large manufacturers can offer, it can often be cheaper per month to buy new than say 1yr old on a whacking interest rate where you think you've avoided any showroom depreciation. Not so.

On PCP (which is a purchase plan, not a lease- every payment you make is one down on eventually owning the car) the end payment is a reflection of the anticipated future value of the car at that time and mileage.
Usually a good finance company will offer to refinance the end payment should he wish to keep the car, so the 14k isn't all due at once.
Or he can at that point trade in, hopefully be in positive equity and take forward a healthy deposit.
Or he could 'save up and pay it off' (hmm...chinny reckon)
Or he could simply hand back the keys to the finance company and walk away at the end of the finance term (assuming the car is in the expected condition and mileage). The last option is very rare as it isn't really financially beneficial to the customer, he may as well have actually leased and in reality all he has done is cover the depreciation.

What car is it? Vaguely...

Lastly, yes. Its unreasonable. He can't future proof your lives to ensure that £400pm will always be 'disposable'. It's a whacking amount.
You're not unreasonable to spend it if you both want and agree to it as a couple, who I assume work out their overall wealth generally on two salaries - but unilaterally? Bit shit.

StMarysTrainee · 21/07/2023 03:39

If you are accused of being overly controlling regarding something eminently cautious and family-orientated (Money issues), it’s generally by someone pouting and selfish trying to guilt you in to acquiescence. Poor ickle boy not getting his toy. Pathetic.

coffy11 · 21/07/2023 03:49

That's ALOT of money, of course you should have a say. My husband and I chat about and agree on purchases for a couple of hundred. We would both have to be on the same page about a new car.

The fact that he doesn't consider your opinion speaks volumes. You're not controlling, it's your money too. He sounds financially irresponsible.

Huromjuicemaker · 21/07/2023 03:58

I think you need to ask why he feels he needs this new toy, I assume it's some kind of "prestige vehicle" are you in mid-life crisis territory? What's next a motorbike or some other cliche?

Bravebunny · 21/07/2023 04:32

Hes being very unreasonable! So £400 a month for the finance, plus he’ll need to save £292 a month for the final payment at the end. Add in insurance on a large car, let’s say £40-£50 a month, plus road tax and MOT/service cost, and he’s looking at a total of £800 ish a month - that’s your mortgage payment.

That also doesn’t include tyres, any problems or repairs needed, or fuel. Regardless of it comes from his salary, that’s a minimum of nearly £10000 a year for something which will depreciate in value very quickly.

Original poster
hippygirllucky · 21/07/2023 07:39

Okay glad to know I wasn't being overly cautious. He won't show me the car but it's some sort of 4 x 4 (we live in a city...). I've at least managed to convince him to let me go with him to go and see it and hopefully talk him out of it, or at least be a voice of reason against a sales man, who I know on his own would have my dh signing on the dotted line in no time.

It doesn't help that I inherited a (2010!) car last year, and he keeps saying "you don't understand, you never have to pay for cars!" Because the one I had before that was a £500 2001 clio that I would have driven as long as it would go had I not inherited the other. He's right, I know nothing about cars but I know a lot about our finances. We'd like to go on holiday next year (first one since 2017) and won't be able to do that as easily when £400 of the monthly saving towards that will be going on a car!

OP posts:
Jeevesnotwooster · 21/07/2023 07:45

£41k on a car is bonkers I'm my opinion. Whether you can afford it or not.

SnarfleThree · 21/07/2023 07:47

Personal cars always in cash in my opinion.

LobsterCrab · 21/07/2023 07:49

I would absolutely hit the roof about this. What a gigantic and unnecessary waste of money!

Swrigh1234 · 21/07/2023 07:52

This thread shows the double standards on MN. OP has shared nothing about her finances other than the mortgage payment. How much household income, how much do each of them earn. How else is it spent, etc. what if OP wanted to make a purchase and the husband didn’t agree. He would be called controlling. And why is £400 a month a big amount, why not £300, £200 or £1.50.

Being outraged without knowing the full financials situation is a bit hysterical.

NoSquirrels · 21/07/2023 07:56

You’re a 2-car family, and he only drives 5 minutes to work? Do you even need 2 cars? That’s a luxury in itself, tbh.

Do you share finances?

Look, my DH can be a bit spendy and I have to rein him in but there’s absolutely no way he would do this. He’s going to fuck your joint finances and you can kiss goodbye to your holiday. Because once he’s got the car and £400 a month out of his pocket is feeling tight he’ll want to spend more on something else…

catsnhats11 · 21/07/2023 07:56

If he doesn't need a bit new car and neither do you, who's he trying to impress?...

And no I wouldn't be happy, it's not like a one off spend, this will impact your finances for years, but really spends how affordable it is.

SavedbytheBe11 · 21/07/2023 07:58

He is being an idiot. A real idiot. He can't do this.

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