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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at DH for wanting finances car?

185 replies

hippygirllucky · 21/07/2023 01:58

DH has a car he bought 2 years ago, 2014 model. Runs fine, the air con has needed regassing but otherwise good.

Today he's announced that he's going to trade his car in for a much bigger car on finance. We have 1 DD with no plans for another at the moment and the only place he really drives regularly is 5 minutes to work and back. The total cost for new car is £41000 (seems an eye watering amount to me!)... it's not even a brand new car, it's an ex showroom car. He's already decided. We have about £5k in savings. He intends on trading in his old car against it and making almost £400 a month payments, with a £14000 lump sum payment at the end of 4 years.

AIBU for hitting the roof when he told me this? He seems to think £400 a month is nothing (it's half our mortgage payment!) and hasn't even seemed to start thinking about where the £14000 at the end is going to come from (he just said "I'll save up!"). We can technically afford it, if we make compromises... it's just such a pointless expense when he has a perfectly good car. He says he will pay for it entirely out of his salary but my argument is that this WILL affect me and DD. Do you think I'm being too controlling? Would you be upset or would you say "your decision"? He seems to think I'm being overly controlling.

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 21/07/2023 07:59

Swrigh1234 · 21/07/2023 07:52

This thread shows the double standards on MN. OP has shared nothing about her finances other than the mortgage payment. How much household income, how much do each of them earn. How else is it spent, etc. what if OP wanted to make a purchase and the husband didn’t agree. He would be called controlling. And why is £400 a month a big amount, why not £300, £200 or £1.50.

Being outraged without knowing the full financials situation is a bit hysterical.

Why is £400 a big amount and not less than £400? Is it a trick question?

OP has shared that they could ‘just’ afford it if they juggle stuff around, that it puts a holiday next year off the table or very hard to afford and they only have £5,000 in savings. £400 a month is £4,800 a year. It would double their savings. They’re clearly not rolling in cash such that £400 a month is chump change, or they’d have more savings.

weathervane1 · 21/07/2023 08:01

From own own experience of making a similar impulsive purchase in 2000 (BMW 5 M Series @ 19 mpg - I went to buy a bike and somehow came back being able to watch TV in my car and do 0 - 60 incredibly fast), I can state that the buzz that I had in the showroom vanished faster than Nigel Farage's Coutt's bank account. Within a week I had traded it back in for my old car, losing s small amount on the way. Whilst au could afford it, I resented the amount I was paying and in the cold light of day, realised I had been thinking with the wrong head and allowed some sort of ego to play a part. I'm now in the same car I bought in 2009 and it owes me nothing and am debt free. It's a much better feeling.

holls8 · 21/07/2023 08:03

YANBU, he is being idiotic. If you can't afford to buy it outright then you can't afford it in my eyes. He needs to live within his means. We've always saved and bought outright when we can afford it.

HakunaMatiłda · 21/07/2023 08:07

@hippygirllucky You should point out to your DH that the true cost is £700 a month to include the lump sum at the end. Otherwise he is paying £400 a month to borrow a car to drive in less than an hour a week…. So essentially paying £10 a day to get to and from work in something more shiny.

(not including running costs!)

hettie · 21/07/2023 08:08

Unless your household income is north of 150k that's a stupid amount to spend monthly on a depreciating asset whose function could be delivered for free/less (with the existing car).
I couldn't share a life with someone so financially illiterate or who didn't see me as a joint and equal partner.

ToWonderWhyIBother · 21/07/2023 08:08

Has he factored in the insurance price difference ? Mine has just doubled for the renewal.

Peony654 · 21/07/2023 08:09

He’s being an idiot driving 5 mins to work. No wonder there’s a climate and obesity crisis.

AndIKnewYouMeantIt · 21/07/2023 08:09

NoSquirrels · 21/07/2023 07:59

Why is £400 a big amount and not less than £400? Is it a trick question?

OP has shared that they could ‘just’ afford it if they juggle stuff around, that it puts a holiday next year off the table or very hard to afford and they only have £5,000 in savings. £400 a month is £4,800 a year. It would double their savings. They’re clearly not rolling in cash such that £400 a month is chump change, or they’d have more savings.

Show quote history

Exactly. If they had £100k in savings then yes, the £14k at the end would be a relative drop in the ocean. £5k isn't enough to be comfortable when there's the potential to add £400pcm to it.

Our last car was £12k for a 1 year old hybrid in 2022 and we paid cash.

PurpleButterflyWings · 21/07/2023 08:12

HighEndGrifters · 21/07/2023 02:07

We are very comfortable, we have no mortgage, no debt, and we drive around in second hand cars, both cars are in the region of fourteen years old, but we own them, we think leasing is a mugs game, and quite frankly this would be a deal breaker for me.

Personally, I would ask him to save the bubble payment first and transfer it to you, so at least that part of your annoyance is salved, I would then ask him to produce a budget to prove where the £400 a month is coming from and his contingency fund if he loses his job.

Finance is glossy and easy, but when you make him drill down and extrapolate he may think differently.

This ... ^ DH and I are financially comfortable now, and have no mortgage, and no debts, and we have a second hand car - 15 reg, (normal car like Astra and Focus type.) We were in a lot of debt in the past - and it really stressed us out, and we really struggled for some years. And it wasn't buying fucking flash £40K cars. Hmm This was just trying to live, support 2 kids, and fund a house/mortgage/house repairs etc...

This past decade, we have been debt free and mortgage free, and would take this over being in debt 100X over. Like fuck will we ever get in debt again. Pouring £40K into a car debt over a few years is madness. Just so he can look a bit flash. Hmm Like a few others here, this would be a deal breaker for me. Couldn't be doing with a man that always had to try and be the big shot, getting the family into debt to try and look like a big flash 'big man.'

A poster said how borrowing lots of money is fine because money makes money. What a load of rot. It makes no money for the person in debt. Hmm

ohtowinthelottery · 21/07/2023 08:13

Tell him to put £400pm in a savings account for 2 years first without touching it to prove you can afford it - I suspect not as you've only currently got £5k savings (unless you've just depleted savings by paying for something substantial).

Has he been living under a stone for the last couple of years and the COL crisis has past him by? Why on Earth does he want to spend that amount on a car that will spend most of the time parked up? And why is he even driving to work which is only 5 mins away? Tell him to get a bike!

BarbaraofSeville · 21/07/2023 08:15

The only way this would be acceptable would be if he paid all the costs of ownership out of his personal money (half of what is available after all joint expenses and savings have been covered with the other half being yours to spend or save as you see fit) and if he could afford nothing else for himself, then so be it.

Otherwise, he's basically proposing that he spends the money for a family holiday, and then some, on a totally unnecessary car.

Cornishclio · 21/07/2023 08:15

Yes I would be cross too. How do you manage your finances? Is everything joint or do you keep them separate? Unfortunately many men see their car as status symbols and as you live in a city and he barely drives anywhere but 5 minutes to work it looks like this is the case here. Is he normally such an idiot?

RosesAndHellebores · 21/07/2023 08:16

If a person has £40k in the bank and decides to buy a car on finance, fine.

If they do not have £40k in the bank, not fine.

PurpleButterflyWings · 21/07/2023 08:17

Peony654 · 21/07/2023 08:09

He’s being an idiot driving 5 mins to work. No wonder there’s a climate and obesity crisis.

Exactly this. Who the fuck DRIVES a 5 minute drive to work?! You could walk it in 40 minutes. Depending of course, how far the drive is. 5 minutes in London you could walk a few hundred yards, out in the sticks or suburbs, you could get 3 miles in 5 minutes. On a motorway you could get 6 miles in 5 minutes. Suffice to say though, I am guessing that the OP's husband could at least cycle to work.

junebirthdaygirl · 21/07/2023 08:18

I thought with our whole focus on being green and climate change etc that 4x4's were a complete no!no! these days. Everyone is giving out about people driving their dc to school in them. Maybe come from that angle. Some men love their fancy cars but 41000 is a massive sum to pay out. Also the advise is to have 6 months spending money in savings in case of lay offs, sickness etc. He doesn't meet that criteria.

Maybe it's a mad rush of blood to the head and if he considers all options he will get sense himself.

Rooroobear · 21/07/2023 08:19

You have 5k in savings? Have you put in half of that because if so I’d be taking that and putting it in my own account. Let him do it……he completely pays for it himself. Don’t help him out…..I’d still be living my life to how I expect, going out, holidays etc and if he can’t afford it id remind him why and not sub him at all. Actions have consequences.

Soontobe60 · 21/07/2023 08:22

HighEndGrifters · 21/07/2023 02:15

@Bluesheeps

Exactly my point, a lot of money on deposit and invested because we don’t believe in finance and mad repayments.

All that aside, I would be severely unhappy at the lack of dialogue re what I see as a very large financial undertaking.

How did you finance your house purchase?

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 21/07/2023 08:23

Yes I would not be happy. More about the attitude that he can make huge decisions that affect the family on his own. And this will affect the family. If he has that much spare a month he could put it in his pension and retire a few years earlier for example. But instead he is choosing a slightly different mode of transport and to work a few more years. How would he feel if you just told him one day you were getting a home office even though you didnt work from home, or knocking down and rebuilding a conservatory that you use for an hour a week, meaning you had no financial buffer as a family? Where you both have different attitudes to money you need to compromise not forge ahead anyway

KvotheTheBloodless · 21/07/2023 08:25

Is this some kind of mid-life crisis? It's a terrible cliche, to buy a fancy car just so he can look 'cool' on the commute.

Sundayrain · 21/07/2023 08:27

Honestly I'm on the other side of this argument. If you can afford the monthly payments then I cannot understand why anyone would put a chunk of money into buying a car outright when it depreciates so much. PCP allows you to have a new car every couple of years and given that you don't need an MOT until the car's three years old, and you'll have a warranty and often a couple of services and breakdown cover included too, you don't end up spending anything on it besides the finance payment. I'd never pay the balloon payment at the end though, just trade it in and get another new car! But it should of course be a joint decision!

mycoffeecup · 21/07/2023 08:27

oh dear, you have a man-child here. Make sure you're financially independent etc in case the marriage doesn't last.

HelpMeGetThrough · 21/07/2023 08:28

£41k cars come with £41k sized service and repair bills. Tyres alone will cost a tonne.

My last company car was not far off that price. Last service if I had to pay for it was £1,200, 4 tyres £1000. Utter madness if you own something like that and don't have the cash to hand to pay costs like that and not worry about it.

Shudder to think of the maintenance costs on the one I have now, as it's a hybrid.

GiddyGladys · 21/07/2023 08:31

2014 is a pretty old car. I would be looking to change it too

rookiemere · 21/07/2023 08:31

DH was and is a car wanker, not on this scale though and seems to have calmed down a bit recently as we would both like to retire within the next 10 years.
How do your finances work ? Presumably this means no holidays or home improvements unless he earns a shed load. I'd not take this lying down.
Going forward I would basically hide savings. I do share save that DH doesn't know about then stick it in ISA. If he sees savings he thinks it can be used to buy a car whereas I have it earmarked as our cushion between 60 and state retirement age.

Sunnyespania · 21/07/2023 08:32

Sundayrain · 21/07/2023 08:27

Honestly I'm on the other side of this argument. If you can afford the monthly payments then I cannot understand why anyone would put a chunk of money into buying a car outright when it depreciates so much. PCP allows you to have a new car every couple of years and given that you don't need an MOT until the car's three years old, and you'll have a warranty and often a couple of services and breakdown cover included too, you don't end up spending anything on it besides the finance payment. I'd never pay the balloon payment at the end though, just trade it in and get another new car! But it should of course be a joint decision!

Because you don’t need the car in the first place. If my husband did this - though we could easily buy this car out right from savings - I’d assumed he was having a nervous breakdown. Who the hell spends that much on a car? Footballers and teenage boys. Not grown men. OP’s husband is admitting he’s a dickhead.

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