To be annoyed at DH for wanting finances car?

[hippygirllucky]

DH has a car he bought 2 years ago, 2014 model. Runs fine, the air con has needed regassing but otherwise good.

Today he's announced that he's going to trade his car in for a much bigger car on finance. We have 1 DD with no plans for another at the moment and the only place he really drives regularly is 5 minutes to work and back. The total cost for new car is £41000 (seems an eye watering amount to me!)... it's not even a brand new car, it's an ex showroom car. He's already decided. We have about £5k in savings. He intends on trading in his old car against it and making almost £400 a month payments, with a £14000 lump sum payment at the end of 4 years.

AIBU for hitting the roof when he told me this? He seems to think £400 a month is nothing (it's half our mortgage payment!) and hasn't even seemed to start thinking about where the £14000 at the end is going to come from (he just said "I'll save up!"). We can technically afford it, if we make compromises... it's just such a pointless expense when he has a perfectly good car. He says he will pay for it entirely out of his salary but my argument is that this WILL affect me and DD. Do you think I'm being too controlling? Would you be upset or would you say "your decision"? He seems to think I'm being overly controlling.

Why, if there's nothing wrong with it? Mine is 2014, with 45,000 miles and runs perfectly
The only thing that might need doing on it soon is the shock absorbers but I drive about 2000 miles a year now if that

This.

One of ours is 2011 with 90k miles on the clock- just sailed it’s MOT. The other is 2014 and has never once let us down (touch wood!) Neither have anything wrong with them or even a spec of rust. Why replace them if they work just because they are ‘old’

My car is from 1971. Things don’t always have to be replaced because they’re old.

If he wasn't such an idiot, you wouldn't have to be so "controlling." 🙄

It's amazing how selfish and stupid he's being.

You are missing the point. If you genuinely think it’s acceptable to ask your partner to save a deposit and transfer it to you then do a budget to show they can afford a something there is really something wrong. This is not ok. It’s dreadful, belittling and controlling behaviour. I am actually shocked that people think just because they are married they can be like this. We are all our own people! If someone works hard and wants a new car and can afford it then leave them to it! Perhaps that will be his pleasure in life!!! No wonder so many people are miserable in the world if they have someone like that controlling them. Awful.

I wouldn’t be pissed off if it were a good deal, but it isn’t. He’s overspending on a car. I do agree it’s a good idea to trade up when you have an almost ten year old car, but to go to new from the show room is throwing money away.

They take a long time to pay back the environmental costs of making them as well.

@user1471267414

The handmaiden of the patriarchy has arrived. A man's pleasure is the most important thing dontcha know, and if his family has to suffer for it, so be it.

Exactly. No wonder some people never have any money.

It's bonkers thinking 2014 is old car 🤐

Not when your partner is financially incontinent it isn't awful.

Not when finances are joint and this will affect your life and your kids life it isn't awful.

With the repayment, the monthly saving required for the bubble payment and the increased maintenance costs, the monthly financial input into this vanity project is enormous.

That in itself might be okay if it didn't impact on the rest of the family, but it clearly does.

It's far more controlling and awful for the husband to just decide to spend a huge chunk of family finance without consultation

Oh and I'm sure the OP works hard too.

Mine is 2014 and on the odd occasion I wash it, it still looks new. I have it fully professionally valeted once a year to keep the inside fresh.

I won't get a new one until I absolutely need to, the embedded energy in making a car is enormous.

Just looked at what similar cars to mine are selling for and it's between 5-8k
Definitely not changing it!

Who the hell spends that much on a car? Footballers and teenage boys. Not grown men.

Are you joking? £41k would barely get you a new base 3-series. Most people I know spend more than that on cars whether they’re new or second hand. Even a decent Volvo is £50-60k or more these days. Most things that are genuinely desirable are £100k+!

Unfortunately this is true and a sign of the times.

Speaking to friends in car sales, if you include the average deposit people put down into the monthlies over 4 years, most are paying around £450 a month. That will get you a mid level 3 year old VW Golf.

I mean he works 5 minutes away, bloody walk you lazy sod then invest in a decent Rolex that will appreciate if you need to blow off some financial steam

I don't understand all these pp saying his money let him do what he wants with it. They have a kid and a mortgage together... If they haven't been on holiday for years, have an £800 a month mortgage and only have 5k in savings right now then the amount he would spend on the car is life changing. There are never ending costs with having a child that change as the kid grows older-nursery, shoes for ever growing feet, the next stage of car seat, the next size of bed, a birthday party somewhere that can accommodate the whole class... When you have a kid you can't just split bills you have to think about who is doing all the child spending. Also when is your mortgage up for renewal? Or is it variable? We just had to renew our mortgage and it's gone up by £400 per month (was £950 before) and a day after we locked in that deal we looked again and would have been even more if we hadn't locked in that deal! If the mortgage is up in the next 4 years then it's ludicrous!

But then I did go to test drive a car recently and overheard the salesman having a pep talk from his boss on how to lock in the sale... As I was walking out the door :') bless him. Got the same car with the same mileage for a quarter of the price from a smaller dealership a few weeks later

That is absurd to spend that much when you have so little savings… and a child. Your car should cost no more than 1 or 2 months salary. This is an ego decision that will keep you feeling poor for years.

xogossipgirlxo · Today 21:56

It's bonkers thinking 2014 is old car “

Unfortunately, not so much environmentally.

The only person I know who ever spent money like that on a car was my old cleaner... I move in a middle class professional sphere and the most anyone else I know has ever spent on a car was 12k!

I don’t know if anyone has already highlighted this as there are so many responses but the monthly repayment is not £400. It is in fact £691 ish because to make the £14k payment at the end that’s how much needs to be saved alongside the repayments each month for the final payment. Once this is factored in with the depreciation over a 4 year period it’s easier to see the validity of the investment. You could look at the same car currently at 4 years old second hand to get an idea of how much it could be worth in 4 years time v your costs to see how worthwhile it might be. There are obv a lot of tech factors to consider but this is a more objective analysis. YANU for wanting to explore this further.

I guess it depends on your financial set up.

If you have shared finances then it's not really just his decision.

If you have split finances and therefore "personal spends" each month, then it depends on if he has £400 to spend on himself as well as everything else he needs (including saving for the balloon payment).

DH would never consider buying a car without it being a joint and considered decision.

He wants to drive a 10 minute round trip in a city in a 4 x 4 whilst throwing 400 a month down the toilet? Absolutely insane on so many levels. I'd get a twizy if that's all I ever drove!

Yes why not, leave them to it, go and get the new car that costs £41000.. meanwhile the kids haven’t had a holiday since 2017..

i don’t agree with you on the controlling side of things, it’s not controlling to not want your partner to go and buy something with family money that they don’t need, they can’t afford and has no benefit whatsoever to the rest of the family, if this is genuinely the only pleasure he has in life then he’s a selfish waste of space.

But no matter, he can have his ‘pleasure in life’ while the kids freeze in the winter because they can’t afford to have the heating on...

there’s a happy medium compromise here and this certainly ain’t it.

If you divorce him, you don't have to worry about it anymore