To be annoyed at DH for wanting finances car?

[hippygirllucky]

DH has a car he bought 2 years ago, 2014 model. Runs fine, the air con has needed regassing but otherwise good.

Today he's announced that he's going to trade his car in for a much bigger car on finance. We have 1 DD with no plans for another at the moment and the only place he really drives regularly is 5 minutes to work and back. The total cost for new car is £41000 (seems an eye watering amount to me!)... it's not even a brand new car, it's an ex showroom car. He's already decided. We have about £5k in savings. He intends on trading in his old car against it and making almost £400 a month payments, with a £14000 lump sum payment at the end of 4 years.

AIBU for hitting the roof when he told me this? He seems to think £400 a month is nothing (it's half our mortgage payment!) and hasn't even seemed to start thinking about where the £14000 at the end is going to come from (he just said "I'll save up!"). We can technically afford it, if we make compromises... it's just such a pointless expense when he has a perfectly good car. He says he will pay for it entirely out of his salary but my argument is that this WILL affect me and DD. Do you think I'm being too controlling? Would you be upset or would you say "your decision"? He seems to think I'm being overly controlling.

Blimey, I got a 13 plate Astra with 22k on the clock in 2020. Cost me 2k. Its cost me nothing since (apart from tyres and mots).

Astras have a bad rep but I love mine! Touch wood haven't had any issues. Came with lots of tech, cheap to run and enjoyable to drive and was a very reasonable price. I did have lease cars before this as I did a lot of driving (sometimes hours a day) to and from placements and university and it made sense to have a safe, reliable and decent car but was great to hand it back and buy one outright when I didn't need to drive as much.

This.
With bells on.

He’s being selfish and needs to accept that he doesn’t have enough money to do this without it impacting normal family stuff like holidays. With such a small amount of savings, it’s a ridiculous thing to do.

I’m just wondering why he thinks it’s only 400 a month for a 41k car…. Mine is 510 a month and it’s only 32k

That is WAAAY too much to spend on financing a car and I am a massive petrol head.

However I'm pretty level on the PCP opinion. I'd rather have money invested and get a solid £180 out my investments each month than throw all that capital into a car.

And before someone says "a car gets you from A to B" cars are my passion. It's what motivates me to get up each day and earn money to pay a shed load of taxes. Everyone has their hobbies and motivations in life and a nice car could be that motivation for the guy. Maybe just tone it down by £10k

He is financially illiterate.

You have £5k in savings. Your extra funds should be topping that up, not wasting money on a car he can't afford.
The bigger your financial buffer the better in the current economic climate.

I'm so sorry you are married to a buffoon, OP.

Is it an electric car? Don’t much see the point otherwise.

I have never owned a car that cost that much, I do have a couple of friends that do but they are very wealthy.

He is being ridiculous and that stereotype of men over compensating by having flash cars springs to mind.

He has a decent car already yet he's spending all that money on a large, expensive newer one to use for a five minute commute? And he won't even show you the car he's buying?

That's a hideous waste of money. It would be fair enough if he had a load of his own money saved up to buy it outright, but 400 a month and a huge payment at the end is madness.

He drives a few miles a day. It would take decades for the extra cost of an electric car to pay off.

@Mamabear48 his quote is probably so low because it's for a tiny annual mileage.

BarbaraofSeville · Today 09:44
MrsSkylerWhite · Today 09:41

Is it an electric car? Don’t much see the point otherwise.

He drives a few miles a day. It would take decades for the extra cost of an electric car to pay off.”

I was thinking more of environmental benefits.

That seems a ridiculous amount for a car that will quickly depreciate.

Agree

OP, if he thinks this is reasonable, ask him how he's going to fund his car if you ask him to leave over his clear prioritising of himself over his family.

Leasing or PCP is only viable if it’s a perk with the job or through a business expense. Getting a flashy car to drive 5 mins down the road makes your husband look like a fool imo. However, I like wine 🍷 so people who don’t drink think that I am a fool for spending my money on wine. It’s a difficult one for you because I think he’s made his mind up.

Is he high?! £400 a month. Nope that kind of expense should be discussed as that’s a huge drain in the family income. He might want a nice fancy car but he doesn’t need one so I completely understand your annoyance.

you need to sit him down and talk finance. Would he be happy if you did the same without proper discussion?

Agree, and also agree with PP that a five minute commute is ridiculous. Is he disabled?

This would be a dealbreaker for me as he’s prioritising his own personal “wants” above the future needs of his family.

Is he selfish in other ways or is this new behaviour?

unless exceptionally stable, I’d say no. He sounds controlling £400 is a huge amount! I’d be fuming if DH decided this in his own. Things should be joint. He could upgrade to a smaller car bought out right? Px current car & add some savings or tell him to save 6months worth of £400!! And put that towards a car bought outright.

It sounds frivolous for his needs. But I'm erring on the other side of the argument here. As long as my partner pays half the household bills I don't really care what he does with the rest of his salary! Neither would I expect him to tell me what I can spend my money on providing I've covered my half of the bills.

That's a crazy amount of money. Cars are the one thing I will not spend ridiculous sums of money on. I have a reliable 2015 second hand Skoda that is running just fine - a good solid car with all the space we need. Its paid off, and having that peace of mind is great.

DP and I prioritise other things that some people might find excessive (we both have reasonably expensive hobbies) but the difference is that hobbies can be stopped at any time if there is a cash flow issue. A binding legal finance agreement is hanging over you for years! It would be a hard no from me. And it will affect the family finances, even if he says he will pay for it.

You could say he needs to save £400 a month from now on for 6 months or so and see how he manages?

What kind of compromises would you need to make to afford it? Has he considered how you'll afford future COL increases? Do you have a margin for increased mortgage rates over those 4 years? Whatever his faults stbxh wouldn't pull this shit. Unless he's a high earner 41K on a car is unlikely to be affordable and such a big purchase should be discussed first. It's not unreasonable to be pissed off he wants to spend so much money on car without even considering your thoughts on this. Does he often make worrying choices with money?

He is not going to want to spent 14k on what will seem like an old car in 4 years time.

I'm generally of a view that partners should have some independent access to finance, but this is a stupidly large wast of money. Think about the things that would benefit your dd for 41k!

There's also just something a bit pathetic about wanting a massive flash car at the expense of your wife and child.

when he can’t afford the balloon payment, it will be traded in for another on the same monthly payment for another 4 years.. is an endless cycle of wasted money and ‘rented’ cars.

This is all kinds of wrong.

Two cars. He works 5 minutes away - could probably cycle or walk.
No pressing need for a new car as the old ones run fine.
Only £5000 in 'savings' (I'd call this no more than a cushion for emergencies...)
And yet he thinks he can afford £400 a month plus saving £14000 in 4 years?
At a time of high inflation, increasing mortgage costs and rising COL...
How secure are your jobs?

It all adds up to total insanity...

You are being controlling, if the bills are paid why shouldn’t he spend his own money on it? Just because it’s something that doesn’t interest you doesn’t mean he should go without. You don’t have to like everything he wants, some people like cars more than others

That seems like a lot of money, especially when you're not okay with it... If it helps your argument, we followed the following advice:

The Frugal Commuter: “I just need something to get from A to B.” Spend limit: 15%

The Compromiser: “I’d like some creature comforts — maybe a good sound system and heated seats.” Spend limit: 25%

The Enthusiast: “I love cars and want my whip to be as fun/luxurious as possible within budget.” Spend limit: 35%

DH earns £45k and I earn £18k - we decided to compromise and had a budget of £15k. Did a part-exchange and took out a 4% loan for £12k.

Where would his choice of car put you in the % of his salary. Might make him rethink or you might feel more comfortable?