To be annoyed at DH for wanting finances car?

[hippygirllucky]

DH has a car he bought 2 years ago, 2014 model. Runs fine, the air con has needed regassing but otherwise good.

Today he's announced that he's going to trade his car in for a much bigger car on finance. We have 1 DD with no plans for another at the moment and the only place he really drives regularly is 5 minutes to work and back. The total cost for new car is £41000 (seems an eye watering amount to me!)... it's not even a brand new car, it's an ex showroom car. He's already decided. We have about £5k in savings. He intends on trading in his old car against it and making almost £400 a month payments, with a £14000 lump sum payment at the end of 4 years.

AIBU for hitting the roof when he told me this? He seems to think £400 a month is nothing (it's half our mortgage payment!) and hasn't even seemed to start thinking about where the £14000 at the end is going to come from (he just said "I'll save up!"). We can technically afford it, if we make compromises... it's just such a pointless expense when he has a perfectly good car. He says he will pay for it entirely out of his salary but my argument is that this WILL affect me and DD. Do you think I'm being too controlling? Would you be upset or would you say "your decision"? He seems to think I'm being overly controlling.

I can’t say whether it’s right or wrong for him to buy the car because I don’t have all the facts! Unlike you who has made things up (can’t afford to hear the house) to support what you’re saying.

What I can say is it’s wrong to try and control people and I can’t believe how some women seek to control their husbands! Just my opinion.

Oh look the virtue signallers are here.

Totally with you. Even if the journey to work was an hour, absolutely no need to have the kind of car your DH wants.

Does he have insecurities or rich work colleagues/friends? The old phrase 'keeping up with the Joneses' comes to mind.

There is nothing 'virtue signalling' about thinking it's fucking stupid to drive for 5 minutes for work. Get off your arse and fucking walk, or cycle. No wonder so many people are so fat and unfit.

Madness , absolutely no need to spend £40k on a car.

Not just signalling my virtue. Living it by living in a city like the OP and her husband and not driving a 4x4 for 5 minutes to get to work when perfectly capable of walking.

Unless there is a huge dripfeed coming that he is paraplegic, if we assume he averages 20mph on his 5min drive, he is travelling about 1.6miles.
That is ca. 3.5k steps each way so both directions he will only have done 7k steps and still be under the recommend 10k step daily activity rate.

He will reduce carbon and particulate emissions and reduce congestion for those who need to be in vehicles if he walks (or cycles or jogs).

Hard to see why he needs a car at all - if you have one for family trips/holidays/huge shopping, why does he need one when he can just walk to work every day?

Think of the money you'd save not running a second car at all, let alone a mental 40k 4x4. Savings for the kids' future, holidays, help round the house for cleaning/decorating/etc, hobbies and so on - wouldn't that make him happier than having a silly 4x4 car?

Someone has gone as far as to calculate the steps he would do if he walked to work 🙈

Simple solution here is separate finances. I don’t understand couples who have joint savings and bank accounts. You separate your finances, contribute proportionally from your salaries towards household costs and children, then do whatever you want with the rest of your income. I chose to save, my partner chooses to spend. I don’t care because I have nothing to do with his debts whatsoever.
If we did have shared finances, I would most certainly hit the roof if presented with this scenario. My solution would be to agree basic rules. For example, he can only use half of family savings for the down payment and he will be expected to contribute to all outgoings, including savings as before. If he can pull it off, then he can have the car.

Are you getting one too? ( your car is 13 years old I think…so older than his… ).
You say DH already has a reliable car. Would he honestly sacrifice a nice family holiday for his wife and child EVERY year for 4 years to have a status car?
I’m finding this a bit hard to believe, when he spends so little time behind the wheel…

What has happened recently to make him so suddenly utterly selfish? Or was he like this when ( /before) you married him, and you knew what you were getting into?
Is he ‘okay’? Is it worth checking out he isn’t very unhappy?

I think I may be the odd one out here from reading some comments but my DP does so much & works so hard for us all I wouldn’t have an issue with him having what car he wants as long as mortgage & bills are still paid & it doesn’t affect our day to day!