Anyone with parents in their early 70’s?

[Ivebeenslimed]

How much involvement do they have in your child’s/childrens life?
My parents are early 70’s (dad 74, mum just turned 70)
Dd is 5, they’ve never once babysat her, they’re staying with us at the moment (live too far to just pop by) I have to work 2-3 mornings for 3 hours, I asked if they wanted me to keep the babysitter or if they’d be at home with her, they said they thought it was better to keep the babysitter. The babysitter comes around, they go out somewhere for walk/coffee and I pick them up.
They used to babysit my sisters kids having them overnight some weekends, whilst my sister worked, even once for a week whilst she went on holiday.
I asked my mum why it was different for me/us, she said because of their ages now, yes they are older than back then, but still go out every day and are active. She also said Dd is energetic, I said if she wanted to, she could literally stick the tv on and just chat to her as it was only 3 hours. I also said it would be nice for them to bond, which she looked surprised/confused/not that bothered about.
Aibu to feel sad about this? Am I expecting too much and are they too old to do this?

Both dm and dmil are that age, and did quite a lot of childcare (like, dmil had the dc two days a week for three years, dm came up for a week every seven weeks to help when I have a tricky rota week).

But, this was clearly above and beyond what I could have reasonably expected them to do.

My DM is 70 used to do more when they were younger; had each DC full-time from when I went back to work after 7 months - 1 year when they joined nursery, had them 1 day a week. Now only has them occasionally if I'm really stuck.

My DF is just about to turn 75, and babysits a couple of times a week if I'm stuck at work and can't get back in time for childcare to leave. He also takes my DC for days out regularly. He will also look after them for longer if I want to go out for an evening (I'm a single parent), though I rarely do this.

I forgot to mention that my DPs are also happy to do overnights, though I rarely ask for this as I'm conscious that one of my DC is a lot harder for them to look after at their ages due to additional needs.

Always surprises me that people with expectations of GP childcare seem to discover to their shock and outrage its not forthcoming AFTER the event.
If you feel so strongly GP childcare is needed, did none of you think to run it past your parents before having your children?
In no other circumstances would a person in their 70s (or any age for that matter) be presented with a job without being asked beforehand whether they'd be prepared to do it. So why base one of the most important tasks anyone can do for you on assumptions rather than prior agreement?

My parents (70 and 76) were very involved grandparents when younger, often looking after their GC independently, even overnight and on a couple of occasions for a whole week.

They are still involved grandparents but their GC is an adult so doesn't require care, and in fact can help them.

They love having friends and family with little children to visit and enjoy entertaining them, but were really quite worried when a friend was in a tight spot and asked them to look after a preschooler for 2-3hrs. They agreed and had a plan in place but were very relieved when no longer required. They just aren't as mobile or energetic anymore and worried about what they would do if he refused to co-operate or tried to run away.

I would suggest making opportunities to spend time with them and your DD so they can build a relationship. Things might change if they feel more confident about how she responds to them and so on. I know a few older people who were happy looking after a child they knew was well behaved and co-operative but much more reluctant about a more energetic and difficult child.

I would say this is partly true. My IL told me on DDs 1st birthday they hadn't got a present because "the novelty had worn off "
They already had 6 gc at that stage. (Although I think DS possibly ended up getting a bit more attention as he was the last gc of 10)

@Shiftingparadigm
All this means is that the parents who have helped more will have more priority with help from us and the grandchildren in old age when they need it. If the disinterested ones are happy to accept that then its fine for everyone then. We wouldn't leave them in the shit, but we wouldn't go out of our way to do anything special either.

It rarely works like that in reality, as you might find out yourself in the future. My parents were fantastic grandparents, but now that old age (90) has arrived, those grandchildren are, understandably, far too busy with their own young families to give even think of offering any help.

Yes I guess that is true. My gm gets visited a lot still by her adult grandchildren, maybe not help, but it's company. If that bond isn't there because you were not interested when they are younger it's unlikely to come out of the blue when they are adults. She is on her own in her home since gf died years ago, so it means a lot to her. I guess if you aren't into gc, then you probably aren't bothered by being alone in old age either.

My parents were similar ages when my daughter was five. They were very involved and had her one day a week before she started school. Collected her one evening a week when she started school.

Perhaps they don’t like your DD? Or at least, find her difficult to manage ( in both senses of the word)

‘Gentle parenting’ ‘child led’ etc etc has generated a cohort of children that many older people find quite hard to cope with.

A friend confided in me recently that she doesn’t like her DGC much ( she loves them , she would jump in the river with her boots on to save them, but she doesn’t like them. ) She doesn’t enjoy their company, they shriek, they run around knocking into each other and the furniture, they do not respect her things, her home or her pet. Their parents are appalled at the idea that dGM might tell them not to do these things, might tell them in a raised voice, the horror.

Coupled with the natural fatigue of being elderly, it’s just not pleasant.

I spent a lot of time with my GM , I loved her dearly and still do, though she died more than fifty years ago. She was ‘ strict’, I was only allowed one set of toys out at a time, I had to clear my own plate after meals, I went to bed when she said it was bedtime. I can’t imagine most children now being expected to submit to this sort of environment, or their parents approving it.

My parents are 64, my children are 6 & 1. They've had the 6 year old once overnight so we could go away (but phoned the morning after at 8am!) & almost never have him during the day. They live 5 minutes from us. Their take is they 'did their time' when we were kids. It makes me sad that they don't seem all that interested in building a relationship, & it's challenging (read: impossible!) for me & DH to do anything just the 2 of us.

It’s not an age thing, it’s an attitude thing. My DM, mid 70s, healthy, is about to take my 2 children camping for 10 days. We’ve been staying in DHs hometown the past 10 days. MIL, just turned 70, healthy has spent 5 hours with us, and 1 of those hours was complaining that she never gets to spend any time with DGC…..she lives in a different country, hasn’t visited us since a year before Covid, refuses to do anything we try to include her in except shopping and now, the fact that 1/2 our AL is used up ‘visiting’ them, apparently that isn’t enough.