Anyone with parents in their early 70’s?

[Ivebeenslimed]

How much involvement do they have in your child’s/childrens life?
My parents are early 70’s (dad 74, mum just turned 70)
Dd is 5, they’ve never once babysat her, they’re staying with us at the moment (live too far to just pop by) I have to work 2-3 mornings for 3 hours, I asked if they wanted me to keep the babysitter or if they’d be at home with her, they said they thought it was better to keep the babysitter. The babysitter comes around, they go out somewhere for walk/coffee and I pick them up.
They used to babysit my sisters kids having them overnight some weekends, whilst my sister worked, even once for a week whilst she went on holiday.
I asked my mum why it was different for me/us, she said because of their ages now, yes they are older than back then, but still go out every day and are active. She also said Dd is energetic, I said if she wanted to, she could literally stick the tv on and just chat to her as it was only 3 hours. I also said it would be nice for them to bond, which she looked surprised/confused/not that bothered about.
Aibu to feel sad about this? Am I expecting too much and are they too old to do this?

Agree on that. Young at heart. Perhaps op your parents don't know how to interact or maybe they are just abit boring.

Speaking as an active, involved grandparent I strenuously disagree with everything you've just put

Mine are 72. They look after my kids for a couple of days in the holidays. My sisters kids are much younger and they look after them more regularly. They do get more tired now. But I think they will always want to have their grandkids. Yours just sound disinterested

MIL and PIL in their early 70’s have a very at arms length relationship with my DD5. I feel as though they cba with her unless we take her round. They only make an effort for big occasions, birthdays and Christmas etc. They live down the road. They have never taken her out for the day, invited her over for tea or had her to stay over. It used to wind me up so much, but I’ve learned that having expectations about how they choose to grandparent her is a waste of energy. It’s their loss. I’m sad for her but what can I do? My parents are also early 70’s but live further away and will happily have her to stay and babysit her whenever. They are also early 70’s but are much younger at heart and laid back. I try and focus on facilitating core memories with them that my DD will remember.

My parents are 70 (mum) and 75 (dad) they’ll watch DD (5) for an hour or two but aren’t confident. My DD is an absolute live-wire though!

MIL is 68 and will have DD all day.

God! That makes me feel exhausted!

I couldn't do that!

When GPs don't get heavily involved in childcare, believe it or not, it's not their 'loss'.

They've had their children. They don't want to do it again and they don't think they're missing anything

I don’t think that Grandparents helping out is really age dependent, it comes down to health and attitude. I know of one lovely grandad who was helping right up until not long before he died. Whereas my parents do sod all but never really have, this is particularly gutting because my DGPs looked after us for weeks at a time during the summer holidays.

Haha she's very active and healthy and really enjoys it. I have made it clear that if it gets too much I would never be offended and all she has to do is say so.

Both sets of grandparents are fit and able early 70's. They don't offer any childcare or show much interest in their grandchildren . I find it very odd but have accepted now my kids are 11 and 14 that that is how they wish things to be.

I absolutely resonate with this OP. My dad and stepmum are in their 70s and show no initiative in wanting to see my DS unless I make the arrangements and go to them. They are both fit and able but have limited interest it would seem. My DH's parents are very different and about 10 years younger. Whether the age is a factor in not sure but I have found it upsetting/disappointing but have to accept that ultimately, it's them missing out.

DD was 7 when my parents were your parents’ ages and they babysat her often. She regularly spent an afternoon at their house from birth onwards and still does at 13. My parents are very “young” for their ages though. My dad looks more like late 60s than early 80s.

I'm in my late 60s. I love having my DGD(3) for the day occasionally (almost always out of my choice rather than necessity) and we have a lovely time. But even in the last year I've found it more and more exhausting. I really don't think I could do regular scheduled childcare every week without it taking a significant toll (I don't have a spouse to help though).
I don't have significant health issues and other people might see me doing other things with my life that might indicate that I SHOULD be able to do it. But looking after a toddler, taking full responsibility, and keeping up with her energy, is unlike any of the other things I do.

I wish it was different. I really do, because I adore my DGD and her baby sister, but can't imagine looking after them together for day very often . In just a year my stamina has deteriorated. I don't think parents in their 30s and 40 can have any idea how quickly our bodies and minds can weary. Early 70s is going to be even more difficult.

Absolutely true! plus ageing is a weird fucker to deal with. One day you can be as limber as a gazelle, the next day lumbering about like a geriatric hippo.......

My mum was 70 when my eldest was born, 72 for my second. She was a hugely involved grandma, would travel 90 mins to visit, get down on the floor to play games with them, read to them endlessly.

She wasn’t keen on doing overnight babysitting but did it once or twice for special occasions. She’s always been a terrible cook so I would cook ahead of time and she would just reheat.

So she wasn’t reducing my workload as such which I never expected. But she forged genuine and close relationships with all 9 of her grandchildren.

Health can be a huge barrier at age 70+. My DM and DF wouldn't offer any childcare voluntarily as they both have significant health issues and I wouldn't be comfortable regarding safety/accident prevention. If I was desperate they could probably manage a few hours of baby sitting at my house if DC were watching a movie/dinner was pre-prepared.

PIL are early 70s & are fit & able. They do so much for us - they have DC (8 & 5) 2 days a week in the holidays, they'll have them for sleepovers (maybe 4-5 a year) when we want/need to be away, they'll provide babysitting for us if needed, they attend events at DCs school if we can't attend, go on holiday with us or day trips etc. They used to provide childcare for DC, first 2 days then 1, before they started school.
We're aware this won't last forever, but really appreciate it now. DC are their only grandchildren, with no real hope of anymore so they're very much the apple of their eyes. They have a fantastic relationship with both DC.

I'd agree with that, my LO was about 7mths, i was visiting my DGPs, late '80s early 90's they asked me to go to the local shop for them. "Just leave the baby here" - Ekk not something I'd normally do but couldn't really say No without causing offence, and thought they'll be fine with LO for 15mins.
They were SO proud they'd babysat and told everybody they babysat they made it sound like they'd had him for hours.

ageing is a weird fucker to deal with. One day you can be as limber as a gazelle, the next day lumbering about like a geriatric hippo.......

Seriously. I've always been very grateful for keeping my health and being reasonably fit in my 60s. But all of a sudden that's changing and I'm finding it difficult to adjust to having knees that hurt, and being unable to pick my DGD up and put her in her car seat. She wants me to chase her in the garden over and over, and after the second time I just can't. But she wants ten more goes. I could have done it a couple of years ago, but not now. Aging is tough.

My mum is almost 72.

She still has my niece and nephew weekly (they're teens, though).

She used to have my eldest relatively often but it's dwindled. I think that's more because she has the others so often that she needs a break and so my kids are missing out.

She rarely has my toddler. She's never had him overnight, and I doubt she ever will.

Mine are similar ages, they are happy to have the DC overnight. They wouldn't want to make a regular firm commitment to childcare though.

My parents in their early 70s will look after my brother's older children, and my sister's slightly better behaved and similarly aged to mine children. They won't be left alone with my 3 year old, but she is impulsive, extremely fast, and has a habit of not listening to instructions while testing any and all boundaries. Although i'd love some more babysitting, it's their choice, and I don't resent it. I'd rather that our toddler is safe.

Whoa. You are so fortunate that you have an unusually active elderly mother but do you not realise how unusual that is? I am 70 and don't have anything like that energy

I think there's a generational difference here. Neither set of my gps did any babysitting when I was younger, and now my siblings complain they dont get enough help despite having a stay at home parent
It is frustrating one set of gc got their energy and the younger sets havent, but thats just the nature of ageing and waning energy levels

My mum is 78 and she’s brilliant with my daughter (8). She doesn’t take her out places (besides the park & dog walks) despite having a car but she dotes on her and when she was a bit younger she would often have her overnight for me. She would now if I asked but we’ve been too busy lately.
They have a lovely bond.