Family holiday. How should the costs be split?

[Sallyrush]

3 families looking to hire a Villa. (Siblings. Not sure if relevant or not)
2 families are 2 adults and 2 kids, other family is 1 adult, 2 kids.
Families 1 & 2 (2 adults, 2 kids each) think Villa should be split per family.
Family 3 (1 adult, 2 kids) thinks the cost should be split per person, their reason being they have 1 salary to pay for the holiday, other families have 2 - all adults work full time.
Families 1 & 2 feel they all use same facilities so it’s per family.
Family 3 would also like to split costs like food per person but other families think this is petty.
who is right?
YANBU. Families 1 & 2 are correct. Split per family
YABU Family 3 is correct. Cost split per person

There are so many good replies on here - different perspectives that are all valid. I think the answer depends on your values as a family. What I mean by this is...

Accomodation: it's fair to split the cost equally across the three families - as you'll all be using the same amount of bedrooms/facilities etc. So if you want to base the decision on fairness alone then this seems a likely answer. But this is a sibling group, and it would be kind to help out the one parent family and have them pay slightly less - particularly as they've already raised cost as an issue (which is unsurprising given the cost of living/kids on one salary). If this were me and my sister, she would pay what she could afford, and I would do the same. When we've gone away, sometimes she has covered the cost (otherwise I wouldn't have been able to go), and sometimes vice versa when our circumstances were different. We would not disagree over the cost because our relationship and spending time with each other is more important.

Food: per person - this seems entirely fair. It really wouldn't be fair or kind for the one parent family to end up paying more than their share for food. Some might see that as petty, but if they are really worried about money it isn't petty at all - this is simply their reality and it should be respected as such.

Hope you reach an agreement and have a lovely holiday!

We go on group holidays.

We split in terms of adults count as a full person and children as half.

Therefore, families with less kids pay a bit less.

We actually do t have any single parent families.

Our system means those with bigger families pay a bit more, but not as much as a per-head system would be.

The thing about totally per head, ir per bed, is that these large places are not suitable for a single family. Everyone benefits from a cheaper deal by having a big property. No-one would be going if it was just their family alone.

On our trips, kids from different families share. Some families have 3 kids and others have 1. Those with 3 do end up paying more than those with 1 but the equivalent of one extra adult, not 2.

If it was all families with 1 or 2 kids, I think it would just be split evenly.

I think it's a great solution you've reached, OP. I'm glad alcohol was raised as this us the one that gets me. I don't drink and I've lost count over the years of how I've been treated unfairly in lots of different settings. These days I volunteer to sort the bill (sober one!) and ask for food and drinks bills separately or tot up the non-drinkers' food plus non-alco drinks before dividing the rest for the drinkers.

There's a number of non-drinkers in our group who all appreciate it. Just the other week the non-drinkers were £30 a head, whilst the drinkers were £70 a head- quite the difference when there's nice wine involved. DH is a drinker sometimes, sometimes not, so it makes a massive difference if we're both not drinking - £60 compared to £140.

Me and my family are going on holiday.
family 1 - 2 adults 1 child
fam 2 - 2 adults
fam 3- 1 adult 1 child

we split PER ADULT. As to me, that’s the only fair way to do it. And I’m one of the families with 2 adults. No way would I allow my sibling to pay almost double and I would expect the same in return if I ended up the only adult.

You split per adult.

Honestly though, if my sibling was struggling as a single parent I cant imagine squabbling over money like this.

I always act how I would want to be treated in the situation. I know my sister would not hesitate to help me out, and vice versa.

OP, be aware that this kind of thing will come up several times on holiday.

• Big supermarket shop - splitting by family
• days out - splitting by family
• meals out - splitting by family

Make sure you establish upfront how things will be worked out. It is often tricky if your family don’t fit the majority pattern. You’d hope they wouldn’t expect you to be subsidising them ….but it also needs to be clear you aren’t expecting them to pay for you or subsidise you either.

I guess the tricky thing about cost sharing, is when people opt in, unless money is mentioned, if 3 families, they probably factor in 1/3 of costs. Now the 2 adult families find they are paying more than a 1/3. It’s not unreasonable as they have more adults…but it’s not what they might have factored in. SO, the big thing is, arrange this stuff before booking, not just before final payment is due. Then if someone isn’t happy, they can opt out before being committed.

Thats why working out how you’ll split grocery costs in advance etc is important.

Shared holidays can be tricky. Often families have different budgets and those with more can’t understand why some want to economise and vv. other causes of tension are different time scales to the day…getting up early and getting out vs long lie ins and slow starts.

Hope it all works out and money doesn’t become an underlying tension of the week.

Accommodation split by rooms. Food split by people.

Family 3 obviously has less funds and is trying to make it affordable for them. The others should split the way Family 3 wants it split. If everyone was in the same financial situation then it wouldn't matter really how it was split. But they're not so it's mean for Families 1 and 2 to expect Family 3 to subsidise them.

If it were my family I think I’d definitely ignore the kids for food costs / meals out and just split by dividing by five and then each person pays that amount….unless five of the kids are eating adult meals and one a kids meal I suppose.
Regarding the Villa - if they all had the same rooms it’s harder - but I’d like to think I would help my siblings out and would offer to do the same split, or certainly something that meant they weren’t paying the same as a two adult couple. Definitely if I knew as a couple we earned double what they did.

If people are going to be argumentative about who pays what they are better off going on holiday with just their own children.

My DSIS is a single parent, DH and I had booked a family holiday in a villa with extra space. We invited her and her DC to come along and didn't charge them anything. We actually paid for activities, etc, too. And we didn't for one second get arsey about working out finances and splitting costs. I'd expect the same from my siblings if the situation was reversed and in fact, DB has done the same for us when we were struggling.
I'd expect a bit more consideration from siblings. And agree with a PP that you should eat and drink double if they make you pay the same

How much financial difference is there between 4/11 and 1/3?

I YABU going on the bloody holiday. It sounds like a recipe for disaster if there is this much agro already.

@LIZS it depends on the amount of money being spent. The difference is a bit over £30 per £1000 spent.

Good compromise there, OP.

Shared villa holidays are the stuff of nightmares. I've done it twice and swore never again.

Split per person as the poorest of the lost is a single mother and per person is not wrong - she and her children are 3 people, the other groups are 4.

So let me see:

Assuming all expenditures (villa, food) total 5,000.

Divided by 5, OP would pay $1000 and the other two families would pay 2000.

Divided by 11, each 11th is 455.

So 455 x 3 = 1365 for the OP
455 x 4 = 1820 apiece for the other two families.

So each larger family will pay 180 less, and the OP will pay 365 more.

That doesn't seem fair to me considering her family will have the lightest footprint at the villa, and that she only has one income to manage on.

I think I'd withdraw, OP. No need to be confrontation, just a cheery "I've double-checked and it's not in the budget this year! Have a great time!"

The other way of looking at it is that the other people would be paying more money for less space. The OP gets a nice room to herself while the others have to share and pay more money. That doesn't seem fair either.

This one is super easy honestly. If you are a bigger family, you are utilising more space. If you use more space, you should pay more. So yes, per person basis is the only thing that makes sense. Same goes for food; if I order a salad and others order a 3 course meal, then no, I am not alright to split it evenly. Its not fair.

But it's not randoms sharing whilst OP has a room to herself, it's married couples so presumably sharing would be their preference.

When we do family holidays we always spilt it by the number of adults. All kids go free. Then single families aren't penalised. Otherwise it's not fair that a single parent has to cover all the cost of their family while others have 2 adults splitting the cost.

OP - this all sounds really tough. Broadly you're right - you pay less as there's fewer of you. However there are so many different things at play here... how much you all earn, what your outgoings are (your brother may be on double your salary but may have triple your mortgage!) when it comes down to it as a family it would be nice to have a sensible conversation about it and arrive at a cost that feels fair to everyone. On a recent family holiday my brother (single high earner) paid the same as me and my family (DH plus 2 kids) on the Villa, my sis paid nothing as she wasn't working. We each paid for own flights and put in similar to a "kitty" for basics. We were all happy. Ultimately if there are arguments before you go, don't go.

If each family has same rooms, eg one for adults and a shared for children the split should be 3 ways. The food should be slightly less, but only slightly. If some of the kids are eating adult portions count them as a full payer, small kids eating small portions maybe a half payer.
The fact family 3 has less money is irrelevant....unless siblings and their OH offer to subsidise them. Sounds like they're not though.

it depends on how many rooms they’d be using imo, if they’re using the same room amounts then it should be split per family…however the food no chance!! Of course you pay for what you eat, I can’t stand splitting food bills, you get one greedy so and so who orders the most expensive item on the menu and three courses and there’s no way in paying for it! Definitely just pay for what you eat food wise, but I agree if family 3 is still using the same amount of space they should pay the same for the villa

We use a points system for things like this. 1 adult is 1 point, 1 child is 0.5 points.
So 2 adults, 2 kids = 3 points
1 adult, 2 kids = 2 points

So you've got 3+3+2= 8=points in total. Divide the total cost up that way, it's actually quite fair.
Families 1 and 2 pay 3/8ths each, family 3 pays 2/8ths.