Family holiday. How should the costs be split?

[Sallyrush]

3 families looking to hire a Villa. (Siblings. Not sure if relevant or not)
2 families are 2 adults and 2 kids, other family is 1 adult, 2 kids.
Families 1 & 2 (2 adults, 2 kids each) think Villa should be split per family.
Family 3 (1 adult, 2 kids) thinks the cost should be split per person, their reason being they have 1 salary to pay for the holiday, other families have 2 - all adults work full time.
Families 1 & 2 feel they all use same facilities so it’s per family.
Family 3 would also like to split costs like food per person but other families think this is petty.
who is right?
YANBU. Families 1 & 2 are correct. Split per family
YABU Family 3 is correct. Cost split per person

There doesn’t seem to be a right answer. We did a holiday recently with 5 families. I’m single parent with 2 kids. Others were all 2 parents with 1-3 kids. One of the two parent families has a parent not earning especially well due to new self employment so they argued they were single income for 5 people. I was quite insistent it was per person. For a couple of families it actually made little difference splitting per person or per family. The 5 person family was like me and did make a difference but for them it was a lot more and for me a lot less. I think we did pay per person but suspect one of the lovely families helped them out to save on arguments. The 2 parents one child family weren’t bothered as they could afford to pay whatever was needed.

The next argument was allocation on rooms as thr 5 person family was laying the same as others but kids younger so was expecting them all to share one room so was another argument for paying less. In the end 2 of theirs shared with 2 of the other kids. 2 of the 4 person family had to all share a room. I shared with one of my kids who doesn’t like noisy busy kids rooms. It did kind of all work out in the end.

Food was also tricky. Kids portions and adult portions. Think we went per family for that other than when we got take out and paid for what we ordered.

we had a lovely time in the end. Was less stressful than I thought it would be.

The family of 3 should definitely be paying less than the family of 4. Although I’d say it sounds like a recipe for disaster if you all have such different opinions before you even go.

You're being treated like a mug, sorry
I am remembering a time eight years ago where I went abroad to visit my brother and SIL because they wanted to meet my new baby, and he and his wife paid for my hotel! They recognised I was a single mum with a newborn, not working, they just did it out of kindness.
I see that as "normal". I obviously wouldn't expect that sort of generosity on a regular basis I always pay my own way where I can, but I feel sad about your situation. They just aren't seeing the disparity.

@northernbeee , there are 7 rooms between 11, so the OP isn't going to get a double room if there's a single one. She'll be the only one not sharing.

Same.

Don’t do it. It’s already a minefield. Guaranteed you will come home regretting it. I am a single parent and the thought of this set up makes me wince.

Cost by adult is how we split it - the family of 3 will by default be eating less etc… than the families of 4.

This!

I am glad they agreed somebting. Your brother sounds particularly like a stingy nitpicky fucker pulling a trailer full of entitlement with his whole woe we have to buy a whole extra plane seat for my wife with her whole extra salary when mine alone is double yours.

I think the split should be per person. It seems a bit mean to expect a single parent to pay the same as a couple.

This

I think your siblings are being really nasty.

Seems obviously to me that a single person should be paying less than a couple - there are two of them and one of you!

At the very least please tell me they aren’t expecting you to subsidise their food as well?

I would also think a 14 yo would eat as an adult, whereas an 8 yo won’t

Also this

We haven't gone on a 'family holiday' in ages as our parents are dead and we're all 'old' now with grown families of our own.

To the best of my recollection when I was young accommodation costs were split between rooms used and food. Accommodation was by room usage and food was 'sort of' by age. Anyone 13 or older paid an 'adult share', under 13 paid 1/2, under 3 weren't 'charged' for food.

No one was expected to subsidize a family based on their financial or marital status, although I'm pretty sure the adults tried to find something that was affordable to all as we had quite a range of 'incomes' in our family group. I had a family member who was extremely wealthy and I think they may have quietly given money to their sibling so they could afford to go, but it was a private matter between the two of them.

Family 3 is right
Look at it a different way. if we ignore the kids (this is evens)
If you and 4 friends went on a holiday you would split the cost 5 ways wouldn't you?

As a single parent myself with 2 siblings that earn more than I do I cannot ever imagine either of them expecting me to pay the same as them in this scenario it's obsurd!

What @WoahLivingOnABear suggested. I suggested the same without RTFT

Per person is fair. We count each adult as 1 person, each child as half (unless they're strapping teens eating all day)

So Family 1 pay for 3 places (37.5%)
Family 2 pay for 3 places (37.5%)
Family 3 pay for 2 places (25%)

and if all the children are 2 to a room, there will be one person getting the single room, and it will be OP, so it would be mean to split the accommodation cost by 3.

Family 3 are correct. We're going away with family and have 3 kids, the other couples have 2. We assumed we would pay more and wouldn't expect the other families to subside our trip.

I’m kind of kind boggled by those who say they don’t socialise with single parents too. I can’t imagine choosing friends in that way. I mean, fine to say we sometimes do couples things so that the husband has another man to socialise with, but to sweep all single parents up as not worth knowing is just insane.

My friends are a mix of couples with kids, couples without kids, single people with kids and single people without. Some of them even have pets they care about, or caring responsibilities for elders, some live at the opposite end of the UK. I don’t think “oh Steve’s got a dog he can’t be my friend”, or “Beth and Suzie are married so I won’t be mates with them”

I flip-flop on these types of scenarios a lot. I think in this case, with money not being an issue, you should split the villa cost between families because you are getting a room to yourself whereas the others are sharing. Having a room and a bed to yourself is a nicer.

The food issue would bother me more, I think, if the cost difference is noticeable. But solving that does border on petty if it means you having to do your own shopping and cooking.

I’m kind of kind boggled by those who say they don’t socialise with single parents too.

I think it's just one person and based on her posts I (single parent) don't think I would ever be in a position where I would want to socialise with her and her DH anyway.

Definitely per adult how selfish of the two parent families to treat their own siblings like this.

The total cost for renting the villa should be divided by 5, per adult.

So if it's 5,000, each adult pays 1K.

Food should be split per person, including the kids if they are above 3 or so.
How will the food shopping be tracked?

What age are the children?

Tbh this sounds like a disaster in the making. If I were Family 3, I'd pull out.

In my family, the more prosperous people would probably treat the less prosperous one to the entire holiday, and refuse payment.

It’s always the people who will benefit from splitting per family that want to do it. Funny that.