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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People are announcing my baby’s birth

207 replies

Gotthekeeys · 19/07/2023 22:56

Would this annoy you?

I had a difficult birth and we told our parents they baby was here safely. Before I was even compos mentis MIL had announced it on the wider family WhatsApp group that I am in and included it ended in a c section.

AIBU to be very pissed off?

OP posts:
Harry12345 · 24/07/2023 17:42

SStarlet · 24/07/2023 14:38

Having been through exactly the same experience as the poster, I can confirm that it's perfectly valid to be pissed off. I too had a difficult first arrival almost 12 years ago, which ended up in a C-section. My parents were first priority, as I'm an only child and they deserve to know that their daughter is safe and well, which then naturally extends to the grandchild. I was unwell afterwards, so we asked my parents not to share onwards yet. Next up were my husband's parents, who again we asked not to share onwards yet until we were home/settled/OK.

MIL decided the rules don't apply to her and preceded to immediately send an email out to half the world sharing about how amazing it was to become a grandmother etc etc with full details of everything, which included our very close friends who we had not yet told. I was furious (and hormonal) and so was my husband. This was our news to share first and foremost and I felt she stole that single chance to share news of our first born arriving.

We totally changed how we organised things when we had DD2 because of her behaviour (there were a bunch of other things which happened where she also ignored our requests/needs).

It turned out to be quite indicative of her relationship with our kids - essentially she wants to make it about her, she can't be bothered to be in contact with them or really speak to them when she does see them, and she's desperate to take the glory especially taking photos of her looking like a great grandparent. We have done our best to remain as neutral as possible and let the kids make their own minds up.

This is different you asked them not to

Tempone · 24/07/2023 19:38

It's also different as it was abprivate family wats app group, not exactly telling half the town is it?;

SStarlet · 25/07/2023 08:21

All families are different, but personally I think this is about respecting that this is someone else's news to share. A simple, "I'm sure they'll let us all know when they're ready" would shut down any gossiping. I get people are excited and want to know everyone is OK, but give the parents a bit of space and time to share their own news. With the way things are now, but the time they've got over the shock of it all, everyone has moved on and they don't get to share the joy with everyone - seems a bit short sighted.

Blossomtoes · 25/07/2023 09:43

SStarlet · 25/07/2023 08:21

All families are different, but personally I think this is about respecting that this is someone else's news to share. A simple, "I'm sure they'll let us all know when they're ready" would shut down any gossiping. I get people are excited and want to know everyone is OK, but give the parents a bit of space and time to share their own news. With the way things are now, but the time they've got over the shock of it all, everyone has moved on and they don't get to share the joy with everyone - seems a bit short sighted.

Nobody would believe it. Everyone knows grandparents are the first to know. If they said "I'm sure they'll let us all know when they're ready" while quite obviously bursting with excitement other people would just think they were complete tits and roll their eyes. The parents and grandparents are the only ones who really care anyway.

GrinAndVomit · 25/07/2023 18:34

LawnmowerBlues · 24/07/2023 13:50

"The last part of your reply is nonsense or bizarre paranoia"... Or, you know, having a sense of humour and perspective, which I think always helps with family stuff. What more can I say, clearly we are thinking of all sorts of different scenarios and comparing apples and oranges. I tried to bring lightness to it, you think the OP needs counselling because she wasn't thrilled about her MIL broadcasting details of her birth while she was still in hospital. I'm bowing out!

Show quote history

I think she needs counselling because there are obviously underlying feelings of discomfort with the fact she has had a cesarean. Women’s mental health is very important post birth.
Like there being no shame in having a caesarean, there is also no shame in having counselling to help with birth trauma.

LawnmowerBlues · 25/07/2023 18:45

@GrinAndVomit I don't read it that way. I mean, maybe she does, but maybe she doesn't. I had almost every intervention going other than a C-section, and I genuinely had no bad feelings about that in terms of shame, disappointment etc (obviously I wasn't thrilled about some of what happened because it wasn't that pleasant, but I didn't take it personally iykwim). That said, it is still personal stuff about my private parts that happened behind closed doors! I don't mind telling other people about it where relevant and where the context feels right, but I'd feel violated to learn that my MIL had told the rest of my in-laws about it on WhatsApp. Frankly even if she said "LawnmowerBlues had a really straightforward vaginal birth" I'd feel violated too! Makes me feel like a unit of livestock, you know?

(I know I said I was bowing out but we're not arguing now 😅)

Muminthebluecoat · 27/07/2023 09:06

Did you tell them you didn't want anyone else to know. If you've announced it to them they may not have realised you weren't fully announcing it?

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