People are announcing my baby’s birth

[Gotthekeeys]

Would this annoy you?

I had a difficult birth and we told our parents they baby was here safely. Before I was even compos mentis MIL had announced it on the wider family WhatsApp group that I am in and included it ended in a c section.

AIBU to be very pissed off?

Yup. I can’t remember telling anyone about the birth of PFB, everyone knew before we were discharged.

@shropshirewitch yep , controlling decision , by the way , your user name fits .

I don't really understand this. If I know that someone's due date is August 1st, say, and the date passes without news, I just assume baby will be along within the fortnight one way or another, all being well. Why would I want to know someone's induction date? In the same way, I don't need (or want) to know that someone has gone into labour. Surely people just need to know once baby is here.

It's weirdly controlling to expect to be apprised of all these things. When I was in labour it was nice to have that bubble of just me and DH knowing, before baby actually lands and everyone else gets involved.

Yes, how dare a woman control who knows when she’s likely to be in labour

Not gonna lie, threads like this just made me appreciate my family and friends more.

Within minutes of birth, everyone knew and were there with messages and support, everyone around my house in the next few days.

Some people on here must be very isolated, I can’t imagine that, it sounds hard.

Change your settings so people can't post on your page

Agree.

I feel like if people get upset over this sort of thing, they must constantly be getting upset over everything, falling out with people, being generally dramatic, and posting stuff about being brave and empathic with a picture of a sexy crying angel on Facebook.

My MiL took it upon herself to announce our wedding in the local paper without consulting me. Told everyone far and wide my street address, where I worked, spelled my sister's name wrong and put the crappiest photo of me on it. I still love her most of the time.

Why wouldn’t you want people to know about the c section? Surely it would set expectations of the next few weeks such as not jumping up and meeting people, not being able to drive, and needing a bit more time to recover.

Our issue with news was that not long after our baby was born, naturally, they were whisked up to SCBU as they weren’t breathing properly. We didn’t see baby for quite a few hours and weren’t kept as in the loop as we would have liked. Then, if news had have leaked we would have had people texting and wanting pictures and us not even knowing how our baby was. We rang both our parents to explain the situation and not to tell anyone until we knew the actual situation. Once we did, we had to explain we couldn’t really have visitors to see the baby in the hospital due to rules in the SCBU. With our other child we were happy to have the news shared further out from those we told immediately. But we knew we would have to be quick. My DM was first to know as she drove us to the hospital as MIL/FIL live miles away. Baby was early so not in the position where we were being asked daily, so we were able to contact them pretty swiftly. No group what’s app back then and neither used social media.

So are "people" announcing the birth (as per the thread title) or is it just MIL?

If it bothers you that much why tell her in the first place. Wait until you actually want people to know.

My DH mentioned when I was induced (didn’t say he couldn’t and hadn’t even entered my head about them knowing) and it was about three days of texts ”is the baby here yet”, “why is it taking so long”, etc.

It was our first and if the baby was here, we would have let them know.

SIL went into labour a few years later while we were visiting DH’s family and we saw firsthand them moaning about how long it was taking, even FIL saying SIL was being difficult as if she has any control over how quickly birth happens. It was the sixth grandchild so it’s not like it was something new and several of the grandchildren are less than two years apart including two that were two weeks apart.

I can absolutely understand why some parents aren’t keen or wouldn’t tell family members until baby is here.

Jesus Christ she shared it with her sons siblings and family who would all be sitting worried waiting to hear how they both are!

Why would they be sitting worried and waiting? As far as they were aware, OP was pregnant; unless MIL was also WhatsApping updates on the labour and the surgery. Life would be long and stressful if we all worried and stressed for the last weeks of someone else’s pregnancy.

I don't think anyone is "announcing" the birth.

They are simply telling someone else you've had the baby!

What's wrong with that?

The only problem I see is if you asked them NOT to tell anyone!

Imagine if a close family member was approaching her due date, when suddenly she and her partner stopped replying to messages and when I asked in the family WhatsApp group if everything was ok, I got radio silence from even the MIL or a reply that said “I’m not allowed to say”
I’d be very worried.

YABU. It’s happy news and you really shouldn’t get wound up by people being happy for you. Congratulations

I’d be annoyed too.

i also think this when people post photos online of a newly married couple / video the ceremony and post it live etc. It’s not yours to share it’s theirs if they want to!
there is a social gravitas people should uphold, I think just pre elation from new grandparents is to blame, and in a way it’s quite sweet - annoyingly sweet!
congratulations.

You wouldn’t think, “Oh, the baby’s due around now, she’s probably in labour or busy enjoying the baby”. You’d leap straight to worry?

It’s not OP’s family group anyway, it’s her in-laws’ and we’ve no idea how active she is in the chat.

If mother and partner weren’t replying I would assume she was in labour, yes.
I would then probably ask the MIL the next day if everything was ok.
If that was ignored or was answered in a way similar “I’m not allowed to say”
then yes, I’d be worried.
I care about my family members. Even my in laws! #shock horror

Yeah but where have you got the idea that people would be refusing to answer normal questions in a weird way? Surely more likely is, you happen to text when unbeknownst to you the mum's in labour, and soon enough you'll either get a text announcing the birth, or some kind of generic holding text if it's taking a while? But it's that thing about "dumping out" - we should put your worries onto people further removed than us, not closer. Birth can be stressful enough without the mum having to worry about keeping up with correspondence, or having every detail splashed around before she is even aware. Can't think of much worse than the idea of people sitting around at home saying "ooh, she's taking a long time! Waters broke at 2.15, Derek said, so you'd think we'd have heard by now... Now, she does have narrow hips, I've always said, so I wouldn't be surprised if she has trouble, but then the young girls these days make such a fuss... " 😅😓

I’ve had three. I’m familiar with labour.

I’m unfamiliar with people not allowing anyone to tell family members that mum is ok and baby has arrived safely. The last part of your reply is nonsense or bizarre paranoia. MIL knew she was ok and simply passed on the good news.

I don’t get on with my MIL, and funnily enough had a horrific birth experience concerning her, but even I wouldn’t give a shit about this. It’s standard family communication.

The real issue here is that OP has negative feelings about receiving a caesarean. She should possibly consider counselling to help her reframe this. There’s no shame in having major abdominal surgery but it’s also not usual to inform other family members.

When my DC were born our parents let family know, siblings, aunts ,uncles etc
We told our friends.
Mind you our parents werent on SM so it was a phone call, no photos.
I suspect people were asking and MIL didnt realise it would upset you, however I think announcing it on the group whatsapp that you are also on probably wasnt the best way to do it. Congratulations on your new baby.

"The last part of your reply is nonsense or bizarre paranoia"... Or, you know, having a sense of humour and perspective, which I think always helps with family stuff. What more can I say, clearly we are thinking of all sorts of different scenarios and comparing apples and oranges. I tried to bring lightness to it, you think the OP needs counselling because she wasn't thrilled about her MIL broadcasting details of her birth while she was still in hospital. I'm bowing out!

Having been through exactly the same experience as the poster, I can confirm that it's perfectly valid to be pissed off. I too had a difficult first arrival almost 12 years ago, which ended up in a C-section. My parents were first priority, as I'm an only child and they deserve to know that their daughter is safe and well, which then naturally extends to the grandchild. I was unwell afterwards, so we asked my parents not to share onwards yet. Next up were my husband's parents, who again we asked not to share onwards yet until we were home/settled/OK.

MIL decided the rules don't apply to her and preceded to immediately send an email out to half the world sharing about how amazing it was to become a grandmother etc etc with full details of everything, which included our very close friends who we had not yet told. I was furious (and hormonal) and so was my husband. This was our news to share first and foremost and I felt she stole that single chance to share news of our first born arriving.

We totally changed how we organised things when we had DD2 because of her behaviour (there were a bunch of other things which happened where she also ignored our requests/needs).

It turned out to be quite indicative of her relationship with our kids - essentially she wants to make it about her, she can't be bothered to be in contact with them or really speak to them when she does see them, and she's desperate to take the glory especially taking photos of her looking like a great grandparent. We have done our best to remain as neutral as possible and let the kids make their own minds up.

Agree! Some families are obviously a lot closer than others. My sister would be worried sick and it wouldn’t be nice for her to ask my mum if there’s any news and my mum stay silent, really strange. My partner called grandparents and they let all siblings and aunts etc know. If you want it differently you would need to specify