People are announcing my baby’s birth

[Gotthekeeys]

Would this annoy you?

I had a difficult birth and we told our parents they baby was here safely. Before I was even compos mentis MIL had announced it on the wider family WhatsApp group that I am in and included it ended in a c section.

AIBU to be very pissed off?

MN is so weird sometimes. Family WhatsApp isn’t that what stuff like this is for?? Mine & dhs siblings would have not been happy to wait for the news to be shared. Tbh nor would I have been in those circumstances either!

This!!

Why?
It’s not really private information, she’s probably just including it to let them know you will have a more difficult recovery, it implies you might not reach out for a while, or maybe they will drop food off etc.

Yeah I just expected my parents and ILs to announce to the wider family! I didn't have the time or the will the ring round!

We facetimed parents and then they rang round everyone else! We got loads of WhatsApp messages of congrats and that was that! Doesn't have to be a huge thing, everyone knew the baby would be here sometimes around now so it's not exactly a surprise. It's more letting them know all is well and everyone is safe!

Why do you not want anyone to know? It's not shameful to have had a C-section! Did you tell her you didn't want that part announced? No one would have cared tbh!

Congratulations!!

I think grandparents get too excited and share the information without thinking. It’s understandable that you feel a bit overwhelmed by the fact your news was shared over a group chat not long after your c section. I had a failed induction on day one and decided to go for a c section. Before I even went in for my c section my DM told relatives I was about to have a c section in a couple of hours. It annoyed me for about 15 mins and then I let it go because I knew the reason she told them is because she was just so excited to be a grandmother.

I actually ended up posting the birth of our baby on social media the same day he was born because I didn’t want a family member to post online before I did! I would probably be more annoyed if someone posted all over fb pictures of my baby before I got a chance than posting in a family WhatsApp group xx

Yeah, that's what we did. I didn't care if they told others.😉

Close family, in this case siblings so very close, only really want to know what mum and baby are happy and safe after birth. It seems quite controlling to want to wait until some arbitrary definition of ‘ready’ before that is shared with them.

Its much later to reach out to your sibling days later telling them you had a baby.

I agree, my Sil informed everyone the same about her son and dil, with the added information that it was through IVF, which we had no idea about and the couple had kept to themselves.

A family WhatsApp group wouldn’t bother me tbh.

I had someone put pics of my baby on Facebook, that was quite annoying, but even that was not enough to piss me off, I just thought oh ffs. It can only piss you off if you let it, there’s more important things to worry about imo.

Congrats on the baby 😊

I’m a mil, and a nana of 3

i was so excited when the babies arrived, but I wouldn’t dream of posting anything purely because I was to busy jumping up and down 😁. I did ask my son if I should tell his siblings and he was more than happy for me todo that if I was quick because they were waiting to post details until all family had been told.

I didn’t post anything until after my first visit and then posted a photo of me holding her.

DIL had mixed experiences with each birth which we have talked about but that’s her business, I will help her as much as she needs, but would never discuss with other people

It’s normal. If you didn’t want her to say anything you need to communicate that in advance. I hope you’re recovering well. There may be lots of things worth getting upset about in the coming years. This really isn’t one of them. Congratulations.

Looking for some help. Our young baby (10 weeks) has recently become very clingy to me (mum) and usually my husband will take him to give me a little break, extra sleep, a long bath etc. he normally loves spending time with my husband… In fact initially I thought they had the strongest bond! Recently baby is not happy if my husband tries to feed him or settle him, he cries and cries until I go and feed him or settle him. I’m on maternity leave with him so I understand he’ll have a stronger attachment to me but I can see my husband is really sad this is happening. I wonder if there’s anything we should try differently or just let it pass. Any tips?

I'm in and included it ended in a c section

Telling family that baby has arrived is one thing but MIL should not have put this bit IMO. I agree with you OP but it's done so I'd let it go.

I'd be weary of the level of detail you share with MIL about personal things as she is obviously prone to repeating everything and anything with everyone. So if she doesn't know she can't share. Tell DH if this is your wish going forward.

Congratulations on your baby , hope you have a speedy recovery

There’s nothing shameful in a C-section but it’s not unusual to feel disappointed, vulnerable, ashamed, upset, guilty, regretful right after an unplanned one, particularly for a first baby when you might have bought into “through hypnobirthing I can control everything” and written a magical unicorn birth plan.

It’s also OK to want to keep your medical
information private, whether that’s the length of your labour or the delivery of your baby. It’s OP’s information to share. DH’s family WhatsApp is appropriate to share the baby’s arrival, not what happened to OP to get the baby here. She might well in future be happy to say it was via section or other details, but in those first hours and days after my EMCS, exhausted and hormonal
and drugged up and in pain, I’d have been distraught to have my vulnerability broadcast on my in-laws’ group chat alongside pictures of their dogs and shit memes they’ve nicked off Facebook.

I find it odd that it’s excusable because grandma is excited and at least she cares… but uh, grandma isn’t the main character here. Why does her excitement matter more than the parents? And if the announcement isn’t a big deal, then it definitely could’ve waited until the parents had the opportunity to announce.

I think that major life events should be up to the person whose life it is to announce, not anyone else. Or at least not without permission to do so.

I honestly don't get why people are precious about it 🤷
Although in saying that the only thing that would piss me off is that she shared unnecessary medical info (C-section) but even then if that's all she said I couldn't get too wound up about it. I'd rather have people that clearly are excited and give a shit than people who are uninterested.

If it was on a family WhatsApp group, I would assume (unless there is evidence to the contrary) the c section detail was to let the family know not to expect too much too soon from the parents and that they might be in the market for a little extra support.

YANBU

I was annoyed that my BIL announced to his 500+ 'friends' on Facebook that he was a proud uncle to a new niece before we said anything to wiser friends/family.

Congratulations though 😁

Just enjoy your baby no point in being hung up over something that's already done . You got more challenges ahead of you and many days of sleep deprivation. This isn't something that should take up your mental space

Why ?
It's just bad manners to do it without asking if it's OK with the parents

Total overreaction. Mumsnet seems to be full of people who seem to spend their lives searching out reasons to be offended by the most trivial shit. It must be exhausting being friends/ family with them.

When DS was born, we rang our mums and left them to tell extended family. I think that is quite usual tbh. I also think MIL mentioning a section is fine. It is letting family know you have had surgery and otherwise no big deal. When hearing about births comments like ‘she had a touch time’ or ‘she had a c section’ are often shared with family along with when, sex, name, weight etc. it lets them know how you might be after the birth and where help might be appreciated.

I think announcing the baby had been born was okay. Giving details of your personal medical care is not okay.

As many of us have said, it's very normal for the parents to tell the grandparents, and then the grandparents tell everyone else. A new baby isn't typically a secret.

Posting on a family WhatsApp group is very different to posting on social media.

MIL was likely excited to share the news with her close family, and thinking she was doing the new parents a favour by doing something for them.

What's wrong with a c section?

You should start learning from now how to communicate what you need otherwise your and MILs relationship won't work. If you didn't want her to tell anyone you should have said.