Partner is so greedy & costing me a fortune

[Chocolatelover2023]

I have lived in partner’s property for 8 years now and we agreed when I moved in that I would pay for the groceries, the Sky TV, broadband and the vets bills for the dogs we own.

Partner pays the council tax ( he pays single occupancy and gets a discount ), water, gas and electricity.

Now living here for the last couple of years has been like living like I’m back at home with my parents.

I am not allowed to have a bath.

I can only wash my clothes once a month ( I have to ask him before hand as he says the water pipes are often turned off? )

We sometimes eat in the dark and the lights are turned off after a certain time.

I am not even allowed to use the oven unless he is also putting something in the oven.

I can just about manage a shower a day for 10 minutes.

We cant flush the toilet unless someone has been for a number 2.

Toilet will then be flushed at the end of the day causing a horrific smell of urine in the bathroom.

My partner pays a month:

Electricity £60
Water £25
Gas £30
Council Tax £90

I pay a month:

Groceries £400
Dog food £40
Broadband £20
Sky £100
And also covering the vet bills, annual vaccinations, flea and worm treatment.

I do a weekly food shop averaging around £100 a week split at Aldi and Asda.

The food will be gone within 3/4days, as partner is so greedy and then complains there is no food in the house.

I try to limit what I eat to save money.

Partner will just eat what he wants.
He will use all the veg within days and the fridge will empty.

I will buy two huge bags of baking potatoes and they will be gone within 4 days as he will use 3/4 for one meal of jacket potatoes and the rest he will make mash/ roast potatoes with.

Hardly any left for me.

I cannot afford to keep doing these big weekly shops, he moans that he pays all the bills, but my bills are massive compared to his.

I have just paid £200 for my dog’s antibiotics who was ill last week.

He me his bank card and promised to me pay half but gave me the wrong PIN, so I had to pay all the bill myself.

Partner is very wealthy, he owns several Buy to Let’s and his parents are very rich too.

We have been arguing a lot lately as partner was annoyed I never got his dad a Fathers’s Day card/ present.
Again these things cost money, something partner does not seem to grasp.

I dont see why I should as I dont particularly like his dad and defo do not see him in a fatherly role, and plus I have my own dad!

I have suggested that I move out and get my own place as I cannot keep living like this.
His parents live next door and are always sticking there nose in our business.

Partner has just started a new job and his mum text me asking why I was not cooking for him.
I work full time myself, have to do all the cleaning and look after the dogs!

Partner has suffered from depression in the past ( so have I ) but living like this is really making me feel down, I feel like a prisoner.
I do not love him, not attracted to him and I have only stayed for my beautiful dogs who I love so much.

I really dont know what to do as partner will always make me feel guilty every time I have tried to leave in the past.

She's not committing fraud - he is.

Just leave. Get the police to help you get your stuff and your dogs or take friends to help you.
Then report him to the council!

He lied for years about his age, this is just so wrong. Who cares what happens to him when his parents die? This isn't normal behaviours

No need to talk to him about leaving. Just do it.

Is this post fro real ? Sounds like a farce

This post should be embroidered onto a sampler and copies given to every person moving in with a partner.

Reading threads here, it always seems to be the woman who pays for food if partners pay for specific bills. If you pay for utilities, rent, or mortgage, then it's easy to show what you've paid and when. If you pay for food, children's clothes and activities, it's much harder to keep track of what you spend - especially if you use a combination of cash and card - unless you have a separate household bills and personal account and never muddle the two. There are so many posts from women in a couple finding that they don't have enough money because they are solely responsible for paying for food and expenditure related to children, like clothes or presents while their partner is spending money on an expensive hobby or squirrelling it away in an account to which she doesn't have access.

Years ago, food was cheaper and maybe it wasn't a problem but now when I read posts in which a woman is paying for specific bills, I ask myself if the finances are shared fairly between the couple.

I believe a lot of his behaviour stems from his parents mollycoddling him.

Nope. Unless he is intellectually disabled, it is because he is making choices to treat you like shit.

His mother has often said how he worries what will happen to him when her and his dad pass away.

Yes, it will be hard. Because he is a total twat. You reap what you sow in life. And it is not your problem.

Is this for real? Within an hour of your first post you have left already? Really MN, you need to make these a bit more plausible.

Why TF are you with this creep?

Same here!

'See all' is your friend. Third post down.

You’ve mentioned he’s cheap, a pig and makes you eat in the dark. Oh and that his parents live next door.

But you haven’t mentioned his warmth & charmth.

Oh my god I have only read the first few posts. Move out for goodness sake. He is committing fraud by claiming single persons discount, he is mean and tight restricting the showers etc you have and £100 to Sky and over £400 on groceries. Absolutely not. Don't feel guilty. He brought this on himself. Even more if you aren't attracted to him or have his parents asking why you don't cook for him. Is this the 1950s?

I would leave.

You are too young to be pissing your life away like this. Don't let him steal any more of your time.

Op make sure you get your belongings. Cancel any subscriptions you currently pay for
You've not been able to vote either while living there. He's also financially abused you
You are going to have a much happier future. 💐

You got together when you were 22, were together 8 years and you are now 36? Am I missing something?

She's known him since she was 22 but moved in 8 years ago

@HumanBurrito Yes, you're missing the OP's first sentence I have lived in partner’s property for 8 years now. Lived in his property, not length of the relationship. So she met him when she was 22 but didn't move into his property until she was 28.

Reading with my work head on, this rings so many alarm bells for modern day slavery.

It's a real thing, and I'd advise you to have a look online in privacy mode, and then go to your GP for signposting help.

You are worth more than this, and you need a solid plan to get out.

Sky have got a decent offer on atm you could get sky glass and a decent package for £86. Candles are great and romantic at mealtimes AND the 'if it's yellow let it mellow ' theory is very eco friendly.
Getting twitchy yet? OBVIOUSLY LTB and take the dogs and threaten to expose him for council tax fraud if he makes anything difficult.

so she's 36.

8 years added to 28 = 36.

You are being abused! Run!!!

It may feel that way morally, given his abusive nature, but the law holds them jointly and severally liable. The idea of reporting him for council tax fraud will therefore have consequences for the OP.

I'm not saying she shouldn't tell the council. That may be better than living in fear that they may catch up with her and she will face a criminal prosecution. But she needs to be prepared for the consequences. There is a debt to be paid, and they both owe it.

These people will look after your dogs until you find somewhere! refuge4pets.co.uk

@Chocolatelover2023 Oh op 💔 Feel free to pm me, I can help you with signposting re: housing etc

Please RTFT, op has left!