Child maintenance one night stand

[Roses121]

I got pregnant from a one night stand 2 years ago. I was 19 at the time and he was 35. Wasn’t really thinking straight and although we used contraception I ended up pregnant.

I made the decision to keep my baby and knew full well I would be raising him on my own. I didn’t want a relationship with him.
I didn’t have any expectations for his father although he said he wanted to be in his life and has been.

My son has never stayed overnight with him as he’s breastfed (16 months now), so we’ve only ever met at public places as I would feel a bit weird having him at my place and vice versa.
When we met I was aware that he had kids (2) and he told me he had split from his ex 3 years prior. Looking back now, it’s possible he lied about the last part just to get me in to bed.
I have not met her or their kids or anyone from his family and vice versa. Contact is not that often, maybe once or twice a month.

I am starting uni in September and will have less money since I’ll have to take on less hours at work. Up until this point I have never asked him for money nor has he offered but after looking at the child maintenance calculator I think my son is entitled to 300-400 monthly.

I know that legally a man is obliged to pay this but morally speaking, would it be wrong to put in a claim since we didn’t plan the baby? Also I will add that although he was shocked when I told him I was pregnant, as was I, he never said ‘I don’t want it.’ I think it’s likely that he pays for his other kids, whether he is in a relationship with her or not, so I think it’s unfair on my son to get nothing but I’m also aware if I do claim it then he’ll have less money for his other kids so I feel a bit bad about that.
I don’t know his salary but Googling average incomes for his job are between 30-50k hence why it estimates 300-400, he is also currently building a house in another country so I know he’s not broke if you get me.

Hope this all make sense x

As the birth certificate is the child's and the state's not either of the parents, if a father wants to be put on the birth certificate then he needs to take steps himself to be put on it.

Most men are too damn lazy and a few are too stupid to do this.

I'd be amazed if you actually get anything but definitely go ahead and put the claim in.

@BibbleandSqwauk thankyou for providing that info.
After claiming child maintenance, will he automatically be named on the birth certificate and have all those rights?

Me too tbh. At least I’ll know for my sons sake I’ve tried.

He could only go on the birth certificate if he applied to re-registee the birth. It seems very unlikely he will want to do this given how much contact he has wanted thus far. The maintenance is an entirely separate issue. I agree with others that it is very poor form of him not to have offered you financial support already.

If the alleged father is not on the birth certificate, OP would first need a DNA test from him before making any financial claims.

Only if he denies paternity.

You can go on the birth certificate if you’re not married - unless I missed something when I registered my baby in January??

Clearly you’ve never registered a birth in the Uk as you don’t seem to know how it works .

Are you happy for the tax payer to support the kids of all the men who don’t want to pay for their own kids ?

Unmarried fathers must attend registration to be added to the BC.

@Stopthetest oh that’s interesting I never knew that. So if you’re married only mum needs to go to the appointment for example?

@MammaTo of course an unmarried father can be on their child's birth certificate. I assume in your case your partner (or you if you're male) give his consent and actually turned up to the appointment. What I actually said was that the OP couldn't just add him to the birth certificate when he wasn't there.

Birth certificate and child maintenance are 2 separate things.
She couldn’t put him on certificate unless he was present and willing.
A married woman can name her husband as the dad on birth certificate without him as there’s a legal presumption he is.
Otherwise anyone could be naming random blokes/celebrities as dad plus practically she doesn’t know his address.
I’d just put claim in via cms.

Role reversal :
If you had a one night stand with someone , they then got pregnant ( you never planned a child together ) and they kept the baby , without specifically consulting your input.
Assume you'd be happy to
pay them for the next 18 years , having used contraception and no say in whether you wanted this ?

Whatever you decide to do, if hes on max of £50,000 a year you wont be getting anywhere near £400/£500 a month. He has to pay for the other 2 children hes got too, so assuming his pay after he had paid into a pension is £47,000, you will get approx £240 a month according to the CMS calculator. Just want you to be realistic and not rely on money that you wont get. Good luck

Either parent can go to the appointment if the parents are married.

I agree. Pregwnanxy might be what happens if you cheat on your wife or have a one night stand.

Do you know his full name? Address? Workplace? This will help CMA. If no response from him for a week I would let him know you'll need to go through CMA. He then might reply quickly as that could show up on his payslip and his (maybe not ex) wife could see.

There is no reason for you to shoulder all of the costs for a teenage pregnancy conceived with someone almost twice your age

@MammaTo even more interesting.....if a woman gives birth whilst married, she can add her husband to the birth certificate even if he isn't the actual father. I assume there is then recourse for the husband to get his name removed.

Yes that's true but still would help her out a lot. Unless he is still with the other children's mother!

You think men should decide whether the mother of the child should have an abortion?

If there was an "I didn't want the child" getout clause, nobody would ever pay.

Probably because she's a naive teenage

The op believes he earns around 30k per year based on his occupation.

Presumably he will insist on being put on the birth certificate if it looks like he is going to have to pay though? If only out of spite. I think lots of absent fathers love preventing you from taking the child abroad or interfering in school choices tbh

No. Their body their choice but neither should a woman force a man to pay for the bills of a child they never desired and they had put precautions not to have.

Surely any decent person should want to make sure their child is taken care of whether that child was planned or not?

No one "gets" or "falls" pregnant by themselves. One person makes the other person pregnant. It literally takes two people.