Child maintenance one night stand

[Roses121]

I got pregnant from a one night stand 2 years ago. I was 19 at the time and he was 35. Wasn’t really thinking straight and although we used contraception I ended up pregnant.

I made the decision to keep my baby and knew full well I would be raising him on my own. I didn’t want a relationship with him.
I didn’t have any expectations for his father although he said he wanted to be in his life and has been.

My son has never stayed overnight with him as he’s breastfed (16 months now), so we’ve only ever met at public places as I would feel a bit weird having him at my place and vice versa.
When we met I was aware that he had kids (2) and he told me he had split from his ex 3 years prior. Looking back now, it’s possible he lied about the last part just to get me in to bed.
I have not met her or their kids or anyone from his family and vice versa. Contact is not that often, maybe once or twice a month.

I am starting uni in September and will have less money since I’ll have to take on less hours at work. Up until this point I have never asked him for money nor has he offered but after looking at the child maintenance calculator I think my son is entitled to 300-400 monthly.

I know that legally a man is obliged to pay this but morally speaking, would it be wrong to put in a claim since we didn’t plan the baby? Also I will add that although he was shocked when I told him I was pregnant, as was I, he never said ‘I don’t want it.’ I think it’s likely that he pays for his other kids, whether he is in a relationship with her or not, so I think it’s unfair on my son to get nothing but I’m also aware if I do claim it then he’ll have less money for his other kids so I feel a bit bad about that.
I don’t know his salary but Googling average incomes for his job are between 30-50k hence why it estimates 300-400, he is also currently building a house in another country so I know he’s not broke if you get me.

Hope this all make sense x

Guess you could also say that to OP?

OP has very clearly taken responsibility for their DC.

It would be morally wrong for you to NOT pursue the father for child maintenance. It's your child's right to be supported by his father. The little one didn't ask to be born, nor did he ask to be a result of a none night stand, but the father knew the risks of having sex, as did you - with or without protection. He's not the victim in all of this, so you have no moral obligation towards him. At all.

Why? She's taken responsibility.

@Mikimoto

Guess you could also say that to OP?

Why would you need to tell her to 'grow up and take responsibility for her own actions' when that's exactly what she's done already?

@Taz234
A mother doesn't have to be 'struggling' to expect the father to also contribute towards the costs of raising the child. The rule isn't that the mother has to pay for everything if she can and that the father is only asked to contribute in times where it's necessary.

but the CMS is there to be weaponized by vindictive women who do not need the money.

It's not being weaponised. The mother doesn't have to need the money. The mother is not expected to pay for all of the costs of the child.

You say you have debt and a mortgage and that maintenance is ruining you...welcome to adulthood and parenthood. Many people don't have anything left over when they pay bills and mortgage and child costs. That's life.

£600 from me, £100 child benefit. That's £700 a month for one child before she even puts her hand in her own pocket out of the £50000 she earns a year.

And what are the costs for this child? If she's working then I assume she's paying for childcare etc. then there's everything else that goes along with raising a child, how much do you think that costs?

The "You shouldn't be having sex argument" is so dumb. It appears it doesn't apply to females.

Are you really this ignorant?

I'm gutted Im not allowed to see my daughter now and do not have the money to go to court.

I'm not in the UK but can't you get legal aid?

@Taz234
It's also not financial coercive control.

Just because you are entitled doesn't make it morally right

It IS morally right that the father should contribute to the financial costs of bringing up the child though. It's not morally wrong in any way.

You said it should be done on a case by case basis....so let's say a dad has a load of debt and a mortgage...why do you think paying towards a child should be optional and only if you can, but debts and mortgages should be prioritised?

Many mothers also have debts and mortgages or they're trying to get on the property ladder, should CMS say to the mother well tough shit the dad has those financial obligations too so you don't get anything from him, you have to cover all of the child costs yourself?

After a few years the the father could be debt free and by the time the kid is grown the father could be mortgage free because he got to prioritise paying those things while the mother never even had the chance to get on the property ladder because she was covering all of the childs cost herself!!

CLaim it so your son has some financial security. Thats all that counts