Aibu to think pregnant women should be offered a seat?

[Hufflepods]

Travelling at least twice a day with changes in London and I’m noticing that it’s less and less common to offer a pregnant woman a seat.
I feel like it wasn’t like this during my last pregnancy but this time it almost seems to rare for someone to offer!
I’m 34 weeks pregnant and due to a mixture of sickness and low blood pressure I get really faint in stuffy, busy spaces ie standing on a busy tube. I’m sure that isn’t really unique and many pregnant women feel similarly.
Occasionally someone else also standing will go up to people sitting and ask can one of them let me sit down.
One time I felt truly horrific and could feel my head spinning I asked the people who were in or near the priority seats but they all pretended not to hear me ask about 3 times and then I fainted so that really put me off asking in future.
I kind of feel like the people who look up multiple times and see you standing in front of them then look back down and ignore you are exactly the sort of people to ignore or say no when you explicitly asked which was sort of proven when I’ve asked’
As a side note I’m 34 weeks so a pretty substantial sized bump, fairly petite in general so it’s obviously bump and isn’t hidden under coats due to the weather, plus I wear the badge.
AIBU to think people are just ruder than ever now?

Is it now an unreasonable opinion to think pregnant woman should be offered a seat?

[ZeroFuchsGiven]

YABU. Its a minefield a lot of people would be offended by being offered.

[Sigmama]

Just ask, people rarely say no, but yes you should be offered

[Hufflepods]

@ZeroFuchsGiven

YABU. Its a minefield a lot of people would be offended by being offered.

Really someone who has gone out of their way to wear the badge that TFL advise would be offended at being offered a seat?
I find that hard to believe that’s everyone’s reason.

[whatkatydid2013]

People are a bit oblivious a lot of the time so would absolutely ask but I think people should offer

[lieselotte]

If you need a seat, ask for one. People are in their own worlds, they won't offer!

[FfeminyddCymraeg]

I don’t disagree with you but I have been guilty in the past of zoning out and probably looking through people and not registering much

I would definitely move if asked though, and can’t believe people don’t. I think it’s incredibly rude of an able-bodied person to do that.

[HermeticDawn]

I think I only had to ask twice during an entire pregnancy going on the Piccadilly Line to and from work. I wore the badge.

[TomatoSandwiches]

It's been like this for quite a while now, people are insular and selfish, especially on public transport.

[nether]

Never, ever assume that someone else is capable of standing

Yes, I think those who are more able to stand should give up seats to those less able to.

But pregnancy is not more important than any other temporary or permanent incapacitation.

[JorisBonson]

I bury my head in a book / phone on the tube with my headphones in. I spend 4 hours a day commuting and try to imagine I'm elsewhere. I don't notice anyone else. However, I'd give my seat up in a heartbeat if asked.

[Hateitissues]

Very different to my experience of commuting in London heavily pregnant in a n august heatwave

I was offered seats ALL the time to the point I felt embarrassed as I had people who needed it more than me even offer!

[MySugarBabyLove]

How do you know that those people don’t need the seats themselves?

If you need the seat then you need to ask, but you’re unreasonable to expect to be offered.

[Iwanderedlonelyasagoat]

I literally don't understand threads whenever this comes up and people seem to say:

1. people are offended by being offered a seat
   
2. the other people sat there might need a seat
   
3. I never needed a seat when I was pregnant.
   
   IMO this is all bonkers and people are just rude. I have been pregnant twice whilst commuting daily in London in the last 5 years and most of the time on my line, the people sat in the priority seats are young men, staring at their phones and paying 0 attention to who comes on and off the doors. When not pregnant, I would probably not sit in that priority seat, and then if a pregnant woman comes on and I'm sat 2 or 3 seats in and noone else offers I get up. I look at the doors regularly to see if there is anyone coming on who needs a seat more than me - be that person with a buggy or holding a baby, person who walking with a stick or badge which says please offer me a seat or a pregnant woman.
   
   I do understand that there are situations where people wouldn't give up that seat to a pregnant woman. For example, the other day there was a man sat in the priority seat who didn't have a badge or a stick but I know he's disabled and would struggle to stand as we both get on in the morning at the end of the line so I recognise him. I was sat in the other priority seat and offered my seat even though I am also pregnant for this reason. A nice man sat in the next seat down realised and got up for her.
   
   Basically, people need to be aware of ofhers and generally considerate, but they are not. People here also bring up hidden disabilities a lot when this topic comes up, which is exactly what the blue TFL badges are for.

[Hufflepods]

@MySugarBabyLove

How do you know that those people don’t need the seats themselves?

If you need the seat then you need to ask, but you’re unreasonable to expect to be offered.

Well it’s just statistically unlikely that everyone in the carriage on about 70% of my 2 journeys a day have a hidden disability or an injury that prevents them from standing.

[WhineWhineWhineWINE]

I think we now live in a world where most people don't even notice what's going on around them. Their sphere of attention doesn't seem to stretch much past the distance between their phones and their face. I don't think it's deliberate rudeness, they're mostly just oblivious IMO.

[SirCharlesRainier]

@JorisBonson

I bury my head in a book / phone on the tube with my headphones in. I spend 4 hours a day commuting and try to imagine I'm elsewhere. I don't notice anyone else. However, I'd give my seat up in a heartbeat if asked.

Me too. Maybe they should do a badge for the likes of us! E.g. "I'll give you my seat happily but you need to ask"

[Hufflepods]

@lieselotte

If you need a seat, ask for one. People are in their own worlds, they won't offer!

The point is I’ve also asked and people still ignore you.

[MorePressureMoreRelease]

Why can't you just ask? When I was pregnant and commuting I used to do this and no one ever said no.

[Regholdsworthswaterbed]

YANBU but the voting on this thread will tell you otherwise. Common decency and caring about others has gone so downhill recently. The best we can do is teach our own kids better. If my children grew up not offering their seat to a pregnant woman or elderly person I'd feel like I'd failed in raising them properly.

[MorePressureMoreRelease]

Sorry cross post. But just ask someone else.

[Iwanderedlonelyasagoat]

People should not be in their own worlds because they are in a public space! I read or listen to stuff on the tube. I am also capable of periodically looking at the doors. People are selfish.

I've actually had much more trouble on the bus than the tube because, I think, it's just a different crowd and more likely to be lots of elderly people, people with buggies etc who do actually need to sit down. I got on about a week ago and there were no seats downstairs and I'm past walking upstairs on a moving bus at this point. A man shouted through the bus that I needed a seat - which was nice of him but I was actually fine to stand and could see that there wasn't really anyone who could easily move.

Some of the unkind comments people make about pregnant woman wanting special treatment are awful. It can be bloody hard work being pregnant. Also, as I said in my experience the vast majority of people on my commute are young men who are just oblivious and very clearly do not have a hidden disability.

[LauraPausini]

Most people don't pay attention to those getting on the Tube / bus I'm afraid - I do because I have been the person in need of a seat!

One thing that helped me when I had HG was to agree off peak travel times with my work (starting slightly later / leaving a bit earlier) to avoid the rush hour. Not sure if that's an option in your role.

[AlligatorPsychopath]

I can only speak for myself, but when I was commuting pregnant in London, I was always offered a seat, and I have never seen someone who needed one not get a seat. Sometimes you need to ask directly because mentally abstracting yourself on crowded public transport is a bit of a necessary life skill.

[artimesiasfootsteps]

I asked the same question a while back on AIBU and was flamed, so I'd recommend taking it down before the 'they might had an invisible disability' committee arrive. I had the same experience as you whilst pregnant. Heavily pregnant with an obvious disability wearing both TFL badges, the pregnancy one and the disabled one and people would refuse to get up, even when asked.

I've decided once we start trying for number two, we will move back to my home country, I'm not being pregnant in London again, shit NHS thanks to 12 years of Tory cuts which led to a horrific pregnancy/birth, and an an awful experience of the general public while pregnant. I think London commuters must have had their empathy chip removed. I always, before I became pregnant/disabled leapt up for disabled/elderly/pregnant people if I was sitting in a priority seat.

In my home country you cannot sit in high priority seats at all if you are not disabled/pregnant/elderly etc even if the bus/train is packed. I prefer this tbh as it stops all cheeky fuckers who ignore those in need.

[icelollycraving]

I commuted on tube/ train and dlr in pregnancy, was often offered a seat. That was some years ago.
I now live out of London and mainly use buses. I frequently see people not offer seats for v elderly/pregnant/ people with a stick etc. I think post covid everyone is just more concerned with themselves. Yesterday a blind lady got on the bus and a woman had to tell a man of maybe 20 to move for her (the lady couldn’t easily as was wedged in herself) You could see it hadn’t occurred to him at all. Not that he was being rude but that it hadn’t registered.
Ask for a seat if you need one, don’t be shy. Say you don’t feel well and could you please have their seat.