Aibu to think pregnant women should be offered a seat?

[Hufflepods]

Travelling at least twice a day with changes in London and I’m noticing that it’s less and less common to offer a pregnant woman a seat.
I feel like it wasn’t like this during my last pregnancy but this time it almost seems to rare for someone to offer!
I’m 34 weeks pregnant and due to a mixture of sickness and low blood pressure I get really faint in stuffy, busy spaces ie standing on a busy tube. I’m sure that isn’t really unique and many pregnant women feel similarly.
Occasionally someone else also standing will go up to people sitting and ask can one of them let me sit down.
One time I felt truly horrific and could feel my head spinning I asked the people who were in or near the priority seats but they all pretended not to hear me ask about 3 times and then I fainted so that really put me off asking in future.
I kind of feel like the people who look up multiple times and see you standing in front of them then look back down and ignore you are exactly the sort of people to ignore or say no when you explicitly asked which was sort of proven when I’ve asked’
As a side note I’m 34 weeks so a pretty substantial sized bump, fairly petite in general so it’s obviously bump and isn’t hidden under coats due to the weather, plus I wear the badge.
AIBU to think people are just ruder than ever now?

Is it now an unreasonable opinion to think pregnant woman should be offered a seat?

Everyone who is sitting on a priority seat who doesn't have a priority need is obligated to check at each stop for people who need the seat more. That's the system, it's explained on signs above the priority seats.

You won’t necessarily know whether anyone has a priority need though so there’s nothing you can do if people aren’t checking.

I lived in London for many years, and commuted daily over many different parts of the city because I worked in all corners at various points when I lived there, so I know what it's like. The transport is less pregnancy and baby friendly than any other part of the UK I've lived in (and I've lived in many different places), certainly anything Zone 3 inwards. Which is presumably why they had to introduce badges, because people were just ignoring pregnant women who needed a seat!

Tbf though London was not much better when it came to offering seats to people with visible disabilities either, I've seen some appalling situations regarding that, especially on the tube, and usually it came down to that deliberate ignoring thing they do when they don't want to give up a seat. They pretend they haven't seen the person, when it's pretty obvious they must have, you could even clock the moment they did by how studiously they wouldn't look in their direction, or how quickly they had a sudden need to close their eyes in thought 🙄😂

For reference - they don't have badges where I live now, we don't need them. People just get up and offer, even old people if they're healthy. Although sometimes there's a standoff where no one is sitting because they both keep insisting on giving up the seat for the other!

Personally, no I don't, but that's more because I'm approaching retirement and have arthritis and an injured hip. Of course, I don't have a badge to inform people of that, current or otherwise

Fwiw. I have also always had spontaneous help with buggies on London public transport. I don't at all recognise this version where nobody helps you even if you ask, and I've been riding the tube regularly for nearly 20 years.

You can get one. TFL now also provide "I need a seat" badges (or I forget exactly what they say) for people who need a seat because of physical challenges/hidden disabilities.

Those saying this isn’t typical of London - it really is 50/50.

This pregnancy, no one has offered me a seat - strangers have asked passengers to get up because they see me standing. I have also been sexually harassed whilst people just stare and struggled with getting the pushchair off the bus when there’s a huge gap with no offers of help.

At the same time, several times I’ve been caught out with a wheelchair getting on the bus whilst I’m already on it and I’ve had strangers help me fold up and put away the pushchair or had offers to help be carry it down stairs.

It really is a mixed bag.

Same - not pregnant but injured/heavy things etc.
I think it really depends on time of day as well
Rush hour commute is the worst and while I don't condone it I can sort of understand why people are zoned out. It's terrible having to be packed in like sardines for more than 15 minutes and if you're short like me usually end up with your face shoved into someone's armpit.

If I want something i politely ask for it, when I was pregnant it did not stop by ability to speak

Speak? To a stranger? On the Tube? Are you mad?

Because I'm a fit and healthy women and I don't want or need anyone to give up their seat?

When the DC were in a buggy I'd simply look helpless at the bottom of underground stairs and wait for a passer-by to wordlessly help me carry it up. Always worked like a charm. I'm a great believer in the power of body language over the social faux pas of talking to strangers.

I'd always give up my seat for pregnant woman or disabled person, if I'm asked.

I'd wait to be asked first .

I recently offered a woman with small baby in a buggy, and a toddler,walking , help off a train.... she refused and then struggled to get off the train.

Yes, of course you should be offered a seat, as should someone who is old, or disabled, looks ill, or asks for a seat. Sometimes you offer a seat and it's declined - fair enough - that's happened to me. At least I did the right thing. But I always offer. I equally accept that people are dozing (nearly typed "doxing" there!) or reading or playing a game, and may not notice, and of course it's okay to ask in those circumstances.

Many, many years ago I was standing on a tube next to a pregnant woman. she was clearly unwell, and asked a young man in the oriority seat nearest her if she could have the seat. He gave her a lecture about women wanting equality, and now they have it, so no need to offer a seat - we are all the same. In the midst of that lecture she vomited into his lap. The whole carriage clapped, and someone else gave her a seat.

*priority

At rush hour it is not realistic to leave those seats free for people who count as priority. However if you sit in one you should be on the lookout, which I agree people often are not (eyes closed, noise cancelling earphones, huge muscly arms and legs so I'm guessing not struggling).

That said, every time I've got on wearing my badge at least one person has offered me a seat immediately.

This. I literally was staring in the direction of a heavily pregnant woman and didn't even think to ask if she wanted a seat. I had a million things on my mind and I doubt I even registered her being there. You ask if you want a seat. I'm in central London and never had anyone refuse me though and people always offered. You can't expect someone to offer because you never know if they need it more - invisible issues and all.

Errr some of us aren't self-absorbed selfish twunts. I always check around and see if someone is looking for a seat.

That said I don't openly offer a seat as I once was very loudly and dramatically by a woman who was absolutely outraged that no one who gave me a seat as I was so obviously pregnant. She then sat me down and proceeded to ask about my pregnancy in detail. Sadly I was too shy to do anything other than oblige and make up some bollocks rather than tell her I was in fact fact just a big old fatty tum.

However if you sit in one you should be on the lookout, which I agree people often are not (eyes closed, noise cancelling earphones, huge muscly arms and legs so I'm guessing not struggling).

You may ‘guess’ wrong. Probably best to never presume someone doesn’t need priority seating if they’re sitting in it.

They would not. You are 100% right. But people use this excuse to rationalise selfish behaviour.

So frustrated for you when you fainted after asking people to move from the priority seats. Shocking. I do wonder if people have got more selfish since the pandemic?

This seems a reasonable approach. If the seat is free, sit down. But keep your eyes open for someone who qualifies for priority seating to offer up/ be happy to move if asked.

Errr some of us aren't self-absorbed selfish twunts. I always check around and see if someone is looking for a seat.

A self absorbed twunt if people are preoccupied with their thoughts, problems, planning their journey or on their phone working, replying to messages or whatever? 🙄

Can't you reserve a seat?

But, you would hope of you are in one of those seats, you'd be prepared to move if someone asked for the seat? That seems like common courtesy?

Indeed, and I haven't ever asked a specific person to move. I have hoped a specific person might look round and check.

I feel for people who are genuinely ill or disabled in a way that makes it difficult to stand but it invisible and isn't covered by a badge.

Not on the tube, or on local trains and buses in general. I think that's what OP is talking about.