Aibu to think pregnant women should be offered a seat?

[Hufflepods]

Travelling at least twice a day with changes in London and I’m noticing that it’s less and less common to offer a pregnant woman a seat.
I feel like it wasn’t like this during my last pregnancy but this time it almost seems to rare for someone to offer!
I’m 34 weeks pregnant and due to a mixture of sickness and low blood pressure I get really faint in stuffy, busy spaces ie standing on a busy tube. I’m sure that isn’t really unique and many pregnant women feel similarly.
Occasionally someone else also standing will go up to people sitting and ask can one of them let me sit down.
One time I felt truly horrific and could feel my head spinning I asked the people who were in or near the priority seats but they all pretended not to hear me ask about 3 times and then I fainted so that really put me off asking in future.
I kind of feel like the people who look up multiple times and see you standing in front of them then look back down and ignore you are exactly the sort of people to ignore or say no when you explicitly asked which was sort of proven when I’ve asked’
As a side note I’m 34 weeks so a pretty substantial sized bump, fairly petite in general so it’s obviously bump and isn’t hidden under coats due to the weather, plus I wear the badge.
AIBU to think people are just ruder than ever now?

Is it now an unreasonable opinion to think pregnant woman should be offered a seat?

That’s because you’re just asking several people in a general sense, so of course they’re going to ignore you.

You need to pick one person and ask them directly. They won’t say no then unless they really need it.

I’m finding this. I get the tube only two days a week, and apart from one time, I have never been offered a seat once spotted. And that time I was offered a seat, someone else quickly sat down in it!

I feel really entitled asking for one so I don’t ask, but on several occasions I have had lovely passengers who are also standing asking the seated passengers to give me a seat.

I am surprised as I always offered my seat before I was pregnant, so I assumed I was in the majority but it seems not.

I do get that most people don’t notice you as everyone is in their own world, but it’s the ones who look at you and your bump and look away that are annoying.

I don't think YABU. Hidden disabilities, yes fine, but it's obviously not always that.

It's really sad that they ignored you until you fainted.

I see a lot of articles on this sort of subject with a lot of people adamant that it was your choice to get pregnant so why should they move, so I get the impression this is quite deliberate.

I was also shocked how little other travellers notice/offer as I feel like I've often offered my seat to those less able to stand (although probably have been guilty of not noticing too)!

Now 39 weeks and hoping not to need to go on the tube again but I've been moving as close as I can to the priority seats and aiming a comment in the general direction of the nearest half of the carriage (wearing my badge), 'is anyone able to spare a seat please?'. Often the person who gets up is in one of the non-priority seats, I would also say young men are the worst for not moving. I was nervous of doing it at first as you are breaking the unspoken rule of never talking to people on the tube but I soon got over it. It works 90% of the time.

The worst is when it's jam-packed and you can't get close enough to be in contention for a seat - the people blocking the way towards the aisle will often notice the badge/bump but then fail to see themselves as having any role in letting you make your way down the carriage - that part drives me mad!

That's the beauty of badges. You think "is that woman pregnant or just fat?" then you look for a badge. If you see one then yes she's pregnant and no she won't be offended by the offer of a seat. Easy.

@Berklilly Pregnant women aren't the center of the universe.

I don’t think a single thing I’ve said has suggested that. It’s literally the rule of you are using a priority seat that you should offer, expecting that is hardly saying pregnant women are the centre of the universe.

Clearly all the perfectly able people who look up and then look back down are people like
you with this outlook.

It’s interesting because no one would suggest older people are trying to be the centre of the universe if they needed a seat on public transport.

Well no one is the 'centre of the universe', including disabled people, so maybe priority seats shouldn't exist at all?

Or perhaps people could just show an ounce of consideration to others when moving about it public spaces. It really isn't that hard.

@Hufflepods It’s astonishing how physically able people use the priority seats on public transport. Young, slim, no limping.

I too have seen people pass out on the Tube, and generally zero fucks given by other passengers.

That's the beauty of badges. You think "is that woman pregnant or just fat?" then you look for a badge. If you see one then yes she's pregnant and no she won't be offended by the offer of a seat. Easy.

I don’t look at people that much. I apparently looked at someone ‘too much’ years ago and got asked ‘what the fuck are you looking at’. So no, I won’t be doing that. Plus, I’ll be thinking about my own stuff, not constantly scanning for people that need a seat. Just ask me, I’ll be happy to give my seat up. ☺️

Why is it that “of course” people are going to ignore you asking for a seat if you direct it at all 4/6 people on your end of the carriage? That seems like an odd thing to claim as obvious.

There are other posters saying you can’t possibly ask one specific person as they might have a hidden disability.

I was on the tube in London yesterday (36 weeks pregnant) and wasn’t offered a seat for ages. There was also a man with a leg brace and crutches and he wasn’t offered a seat either. I wasn’t desperate for a seat so didn’t ask and neither did the man.

Most people were on their phones and oblivious to me standing there I think. Some may have just pretended not to notice but I don’t want to make assumptions.

When I’ve been on the tube and not pregnant I’ve avoided the priority seats, or if I have sat in them I’ve kept an eye out for those who might need it more. I think that’s common courtesy.

The two that were in the priority seats had actually got on the same stop as me and done that London rushing on the train thing to get to empty seats first, so they may have had a hidden disability but I think it’s unlikely in this case. They hadn’t noticed me to my knowledge so not saying that it was malicious, just a lack of awareness I think.

I Don't live in London, but had a few trips here when LO was a baby then a toddler and we had pram etc. People on the tube offered us seats both times. While pregnant however people in this country generally ignored me. Had a holiday heavily pregnant in August in my partners home country and on buses and trains people fell over themselves to literally put me in a seat. Also when queuing for toilets or food men and women pushed me to the front of the queue. It was automatic and shows the differences in cultures. I've noticed people in this country are becoming more selfish and self centred.

I don't buy the whole zoning out excuse at all. I bet they'd notice if someone with bombs strapped around their waist walked on to the train

Hufflepods · Today 08:42
Really someone who has gone out of their way to wear the badge that TFL advise would be offended at being offered a seat?
I find that hard to believe that’s everyone’s reason.

Unfortunately I've overheard two non-pregnant women saying "If I knew it was going to be this crowded, I would have dug out my old Baby on Board badge.

Yes you should, we should all want to take care of the woman and baby as a society, who wants a woman to lose her baby or have complications? No one wants that.

But I made the decision years ago to never assume a pregnancy. I will not assume a woman is pregnant unless she tells me (including a badge).

Also when I used to live in London it was likely I had a pretty bad hangover on the way into work and me standing up wouldn't be fun for anyone.

That's the beauty of badges. You think "is that woman pregnant or just fat?" then you look for a badge. If you see one then yes she's pregnant and no she won't be offended by the offer of a seat. Easy.

People really aren’t that interested in looking at you, then checking for badges. It’s really not their responsibility. They have their own life. If you need their seat, ask them.

So you don’t offer a pregnant woman wearing a badge as seat became you feel they could be faking it?

It literally is their responsibility though, the seats say “please offer this seat to someone who needs it” with a picture of a person walking with a stick, someone carrying a young child or a pregnant woman.

I wasn't offered a seat when I was heavily pregnant, and I was absolutely knackered after working on my feet all day, I also didn't wear one of those badges as I personally don't like them. If I saw a pregnant lady I'd offer her my seat, the same if I saw an elderly or disabled person. Nowadays people either fall asleep in the priority seats, can't see you due to crowded tubes or haven't spotted you. Ask if you want one.

@fancifulmanciful . I will not assume a woman is pregnant unless she tells me (including a badge).

Why wouldn’t you assume a woman wearing a badge was pregnant?

Many people in the priority seats/ close by seats do have invisible disabilities. Ask and if they get up- great. If not- they’re as entitled to a seat as you are.

Could you not even make it through the OP? She DID ask! More than once!

YANBU OP. I had a horrible first pregnancy - it was twins, I was nauseated all the time and not eating a lot. I also fainted a LOT. Horrible. I remember getting on a bus that was very busy. I sat in a (non-priority) seat. I was the only person who got up when an elderly disabled man with two walking sticks got on. I have to say, as I got off, I did say to the collective audience that I hoped they were ashamed to let a pregnant woman stand for an elderly man.

No I don't care if that was rude or uncalled for, so don't bother telling me. Not every single person on that bus had a hidden injury or disability.

For those who don’t know these are the badges. If a woman is wearing one it’s kind of obvious she is pregnant.
If you see someone wearing one and you do not require a seat and can stand safely - just give her your seat. It’s not hard.

I’d wear one of those!