Aibu to think pregnant women should be offered a seat?

[Hufflepods]

Travelling at least twice a day with changes in London and I’m noticing that it’s less and less common to offer a pregnant woman a seat.
I feel like it wasn’t like this during my last pregnancy but this time it almost seems to rare for someone to offer!
I’m 34 weeks pregnant and due to a mixture of sickness and low blood pressure I get really faint in stuffy, busy spaces ie standing on a busy tube. I’m sure that isn’t really unique and many pregnant women feel similarly.
Occasionally someone else also standing will go up to people sitting and ask can one of them let me sit down.
One time I felt truly horrific and could feel my head spinning I asked the people who were in or near the priority seats but they all pretended not to hear me ask about 3 times and then I fainted so that really put me off asking in future.
I kind of feel like the people who look up multiple times and see you standing in front of them then look back down and ignore you are exactly the sort of people to ignore or say no when you explicitly asked which was sort of proven when I’ve asked’
As a side note I’m 34 weeks so a pretty substantial sized bump, fairly petite in general so it’s obviously bump and isn’t hidden under coats due to the weather, plus I wear the badge.
AIBU to think people are just ruder than ever now?

Is it now an unreasonable opinion to think pregnant woman should be offered a seat?

I always give up my seat for people who need it. I think it's so rude not to.

The people who say they are so zoned out they don’t even notice the pregnant woman standing in front of them- maybe they should consider not zoning out to that degree. Radical I know but when you’re in a public space in which your behaviour impacts on others zoning out completely is just as selfish as noticing but ignoring.

I agree about the zoning out thing we need an awareness of our surroundings and definitely don't sit in the priority seat at all unless you're prepared to keep at eye out for someone who needs it.

If you read the op you will see she has asked and had people pretend not to hear her. The ‘it’s not my fault, I was zoned out’ brigade presumably.

Obviously not everyone has a hidden disability but many do. I had labrynthitis a few years back, which has left me constantly dizzy. I also have a bad back, arthritis in my knee and plantar fasciitis in both feet. I'm falling apart!!!
If you asked for my seat, I'd give you it because I'm not a dick but I'd be in a great amount of pain and discomfort myself. I look absolutely fine on the outside.

It's a necessary psychological coping mechanism when you have strangers jammed in your armpit. It's mildly stressful to have people you don't know much closer to you than you'd normally tolerate, so most people need to abstract their brains slightly. Or y'know they're just reading a book, or looking in the other direction. You can never rely on people intuiting your needs; you need to be able to voice them.

I was always offered a seat in my recent pregnancy. I wore the badge and that did it. I in turn would always offer to a pregnant woman.

People are fairly self absorbed so if the don’t see you, ask.

Yeah that’s kind of the point of a hidden disability - you can’t tell if someone has one.

I agree Op, I have been shocked travelling on the tube with my heavily pregnant daughter, few people have offered, people in priority seats not offering ( don’t believe they all had hidden disabilities) some people even refused when asked. It has been eye opening. Men though in general have been more likely to offer a seat, women less so.

YANBU op, this was my experience too. I know it seems very obvious and reasonable to say 'just ask someone' but when you've had multiple experiences of asking and people just pretend not to hear, it is very wearing.

I don't buy the 'maybe they all need the seat too' line either. In any given carriage, a few probably will but the rest are just ignoring you.

I found older and younger people were most likely to offer - people aged around 30-50 were least likely, especially men.

If you’re the one in the seat you don’t have strangers in your armpit.
Some zoning out is psychologically necessary but not to the degree that you can’t see a pregnant woman standing in front of you and certainly not to the degree that you can’t hear them when they ask. After all I am guessing you don’t zone out to the extent of farting and talking to yourself so it’s not like there are no limits!

@CamelHairCardy I and OP understand that people have hidden disabilities. I also understand that lots of people sat in that priority seat might not be able to give up their seat for whatever reason, which is why when sitting further down the carriage I have often offered my seat to people, pregnant or otherwise in need of a seat.

However, there are about 20 seats on one section of a tube carriage. If OP has actually asked someone and they haven't moved, the idea that noone else nearby would then get up for her is IMO, awful.

I also commute at about 6am from zone 3 and about 80% of the people on the tube are young men in builders garb staring at their phones, often with tools. Do you think they are super likely to all have hidden disabilities?

I remember being on a tube one day and catching the eye of a pregnant woman and indicating that she could have my seat. I stood up and some arsehole of a man sat in it before she could get there. I bet he wasn’t expecting a 60 something silver haired woman to shout at him and tell him to fuck off out of the seat, his face was a picture.

Of course you should stand up for a pregnant woman. Or at least offer the seat.

You can’t be 100% certain that a specific healthy looking young man doesn’t have a rare hidden disability. But you can be pretty damn sure that when there are a number of them in a carriage they don’t all.

I didn't even know there are badges to wear stating that you're pregnant.😚

I was calling you out on saying “very clearly do not have a hidden disability.”

you cannot see hidden disabilities that’s the bloody point of them! It’s not up to you to judge why someone feels they’re unable to stand and they don’t have to justify themselves to you or the OP

The key is to ask a group of people in an area rather than one specific person. A colleague of mine (now dead) was a suit-wearing healthy looking young man in the early stages of ALS, and his example has left me very aware that you can't assume that any given person is fitter than you.

On the few occasions it's been necessary I'd say "Could someone please give me a seat - aiming it at a group of four.
I was also, when pregnant, a master of passive body language that made it blatantly obvious that I was pregnant and wanted a seat. The problems came when the carriage was so full that I wasn't within reach or eyeshot of anyone with a seat. In that situation it's no-one's fault and you really have to suck it up or change your commute.

But if you're sitting in a priority seat and you don't medically need it then you have an obligation to look around the carriage at every stop and check whether you should be offering your seat to anyone. Those are the actual rules.

I just used to ask people to get up when I was pregnant and travelling to and from work across London.

And on one occasion it was really busy and I was nowhere near the seats so I asked the people next to me to ask down the carriage for a seat so that I could sit down.

Ask more loudly and clearly. Don't be apologetic and make sure others nearby can hear you.

'Excuse me, I am pregnant and I need to to sit down. That is a priority seat, please may I sit there'.

They may ignore you if you're quiet and timid, the majority won't have the gall to have a whole train carriage staring them out for being inconsiderate.

And if they don't other people may also chivvy them along.

Had a very similar experience this morning; although the woman who was pregnant was offered a seat twice and said no, then took the seat of someone who had just gotten off. People can and are polite, I know when I was pregnant and wearing the badge sometimes it was more comfortable for me to stand than sit.

You obviously don’t travel on TFL services then.

Call out very loudly so the whole bus can hear “I need a seat please. I am pregnant and about to fall over. Can anyone offer up their seat please. Thank You.”
The whole bus can’t ignore you then.
(Good luck - behaviour on london transport has got terrible lately 💐)

I hear you. I was in London when pregnant and, some journeys no one offered me a seat. I didnt have the badge but was undoubtedly pregnant. One journey when i was offered a seat by a nice girl in her 20's, halfway down the carriage, I was very polite and said no thank you i was okay as had been sitting down for most of the day. The girl seemed to feel embarrassed and didnt go back to her seat so there was then this empty seat and another person just sat in it rather than say to the girl, do you want yout seat back which i thought was a bit rude.

YABU.
I've been offered a seat every single time I had been standing on a train during my pregnancy in the past few months, and I've always declined!

If I needed a seat and the train was busy, then I asked for a priority one and was always given it without any issue.

Pregnant women aren't the center of the universe. Just ask.

I wouldn’t offer in case the woman was just fat and not pregnant. I’ve seen that happen before and it was awkward. 😬

I probably wouldn’t notice a badge but if I was asked, of course I would give up my seat.