Aibu to think pregnant women should be offered a seat?

[Hufflepods]

Travelling at least twice a day with changes in London and I’m noticing that it’s less and less common to offer a pregnant woman a seat.
I feel like it wasn’t like this during my last pregnancy but this time it almost seems to rare for someone to offer!
I’m 34 weeks pregnant and due to a mixture of sickness and low blood pressure I get really faint in stuffy, busy spaces ie standing on a busy tube. I’m sure that isn’t really unique and many pregnant women feel similarly.
Occasionally someone else also standing will go up to people sitting and ask can one of them let me sit down.
One time I felt truly horrific and could feel my head spinning I asked the people who were in or near the priority seats but they all pretended not to hear me ask about 3 times and then I fainted so that really put me off asking in future.
I kind of feel like the people who look up multiple times and see you standing in front of them then look back down and ignore you are exactly the sort of people to ignore or say no when you explicitly asked which was sort of proven when I’ve asked’
As a side note I’m 34 weeks so a pretty substantial sized bump, fairly petite in general so it’s obviously bump and isn’t hidden under coats due to the weather, plus I wear the badge.
AIBU to think people are just ruder than ever now?

Is it now an unreasonable opinion to think pregnant woman should be offered a seat?

@PeloMom

This is such bollocks. Of course some people in a carriage are likely to have a disability and need a seat but it is just very unlikely that this applies to everyone in hearing distance.

In my experience of being pregnant (and unwell), some people in priority seats were generally sympathetic and would make eye contact with me, and often say 'sorry, I need my seat' or 'I'd give it to you if I could' or something along those lines.

It was the people who bounded on and off the train, pushed past to get a seat and then stared resolutely into the middle distance that pissed me off.

For all those PP claiming that things are so much worse nowadays, with everyone glued to their phone. It was ever thus.

My 18yo DD is fit, slim and rarely limps. She does have fibromyalgia and some days she is in so much pain. She has a 'Please offer me a seat badge' which is always ignored. And she has asked people to give her a seat and they usually respond with a flat 'no', sometimes much more rude.

Going home from work one evening, a woman asked me if I wanted her seat. I told her I wasn't pregnant, just bloated! I can kind of see why some people don't offer up seats, for fear of offence, although I'm pretty sure they are the minority, the rest are just selfish.

I wasn't offended, until she launched into a sales pitch for aloe vera, to be drunk three times a day 🙄

The thing is it’s not even about needing a seat because you’re struggling to stand, it’s about protecting the bump from the mayhem of rush hour.

Many years ago I read a story of a woman who was forcefully elbowed or hit somehow on a busy tube train during rush hour, and the next day her baby had died. I can’t remember how far along she was, and whether it was connected or she was speculating, but that story stuck with me. Another time I was on the tube and a pregnant woman fell over when the train came to a sudden stop. So it’s not even about being exhausted / feeling rough and needing a seat, but protecting the bump from its surroundings.

OP, I also found that asking the carriage in general for a seat didn’t work, but tapping a specific person (in a priority seat) on the shoulder and saying loudly “excuse me! Can I sit down? I’m pregnant and am feeling really ill/think I’m going to faint!” worked fine - people very rarely said no, and on the odd occasions when some arsehole did, everyone else tutted and three other people jumped up to offer me a seat.

I made sure to pick young fit-looking men, nobody over 60 or who might be pregnant themselves.

Of course pregnant women should be offered a seat. I would happily give up mine to anyone who needed it. A lot of people lack proper manners these days.

@TimesRwo

Yep, my understanding is that this was the reason that the badges were introduced- it's about safety more than comfort.

Still, plenty of people don't give a fuck.

To add, when I was heavily pregnant I got public transport with a couple of shopping bags. I was not offered a seat at all, the same journey an elderly woman got on who could barely stand. No one offered her a seat either.

“Of course” because you’re allowing people to ignore you; you’re basically saying “I’m not confident to ask directly so don’t bother listening to me as I’ll just stand here all resentful for the rest of the journey”.

You’re not being assertive. Of course you can ask others. If they have a hidden disability they can just say no.

Exactly. I’m old enough now for people to offer me a seat, which I gratefully accept. But I still offer my seat to an obviously pregnant woman. Usually that embarrasses someone else into standing up!

I do think people are afraid (as I would be) of offending someone who’s just overweight.

I'm just 23 weeks pregnant but look further long than that, my bump is as big now as it was at 30 weeks in my first pregnancy. I get people offering me seats all the time but I'd never accept them.

I asked the people who were in or near the priority seats but they all pretended not to hear me ask about 3 times

No, see I've lived in London and used the tube regularly all my life and I just can't even imagine this scenario.

You asked these people loudly and clearly (given how noisy the tube is) THREE times and got ignored?

Why on earth not? You’re making that kind person less likely to offer next time. Just take the seat.

Not really. Other folk may have a problem and are unable to stand for long. . They need to make alternative arrangements if unable to travel by train or bus,

Odd mentality. Seems like a backflip justification to make people’s blatant rudeness okay.
So even when a pregnant woman asks for a seat and people say no or ignore her then it’s her fault because she apparently allowed people to ignore her?

And the prize for idiocy of the day goes to …

Well it must have changed because I was offered a seat every day on the tube when I was pregnant 5 years ago. Never had to stand the whole way.

That was the point I was making upthread, some people would be offended if they were offered. Some woman are more comfortable standing and god forbid you offer to someone who is not pregnant and just looks it.

I would always offer to clearly elderly or disabled and I would certainly give up my seat for a pregnant woman but only if I was asked.

I did once offer a young woman a seat on the assumption she was pregnant when she wasn't. It was absolutely mortifying for both of us: she wasn't even overweight, just carrying something at a weird angle that made her dress ride up.

So hurrah for badges. No "am I going to look stupid?" No "am I going to make a woman with an eating disorder have a crisis?" No "she might be one of them feminists and really offended!"

Yes, she's pregnant. No, she won't be offended by the offer (although she might say a polite no because she's about to get off at the next stop, or a more terse no because she's trying not to throw up).

All of those reasons not to offer your seat are irrelevant and you'll have to think of another one.

It doesn’t matter whose fault it is. The fact of the matter is you’re not getting a seat and if you want one, you need to assert yourself.

Goes for most things in life. You’ll certainly need to grow a backbone as a parent.

My eldest is in his 40s

I had to faint or throw up (embarrassing) to get offered a seat back then.

Nothing has changed.

Yes, obviously they should. You are less able to stand than most people, so those who are able to stand should offer a seat.

I think it’s a total myth that people are offended by an offer - it’s something people say to get out of offering

Equally, I deeply dislike the argument that “oh you chose to be pregnant”. So? Men get to have children without going through the discomfort of pregnancy and birth, so women who are carrying a child should be treated with consideration. Also, if I see someone with a broken leg I don’t say “oh did you get that doing something you chose to do? In which case you can’t have a seat”.

If someone has a hidden disability and you ask for a seat they can just tell you. I did always ask when I was pregnant though.

Tbh I think a lot of this is a London thing - you get the occasional person like that further north, but not anything like as much as in London. When I lived there I decided I wouldn't have kids unless I left on the grounds that I would have to work until birth and the transport system just isn't conducive to either pregnancy or babies!

This is weird, I didn't have this experience at all when travelling in London. I find it hard to believe you've loudly and politely asked for a seat and not one person offered, very odd.