He is not in love with her 2 weeks before wedding

[grassverge]

Alfie has decided 2 weeks before their wedding that he does not want to get married and doesn’t love Claire. They have a new 10 year mortgage together, a two year old and his 3 kids from a previous marriage. She has paid 300k deposit on house and 20k on wedding. He paid 0 deposit but needs his salary for the mortgage. She is in shock and is willing to go ahead with the marriage if he will agree. Claire has only told me, a friend and is too embarrassed to tell anyone else. She is hoping he will change his mind. I want to say end it no matter if he changes his mind AIBU?

She is not ok. Everything was cancelled by friends 3 days before the wedding as Claire still had hope. She lost all of the wedding money. She was very sad and Alfie moved out. She still has no idea why Alfie did this It is all quite sad.

Alfie is a scheming little tosser. Who has clearly had this planned, having moved his 3 kids in. His eyes are on the 300k so as another poster said if Claire goes ahead with it which sadly is likely at this stage then he can "exonerate " himself in his own head as well as not to lose face "as he did the brave thing, and told her BEFORE they got married. One could suggest even a form of DARVO, later down the line.

1. Claire should calmly cancel the wedding.
2. Maximise the devastation and let down socially so he can feel guilty and offer some financial reparation towards the wedding costs. Before I'm flamed, I believe this was his intention to do this to her in respect of the larger amount.

3 See a solicitor ASAP. 4 bin bags and change the locks.

I am so sorry Claire is struggling. Financially the hit will be a lot less than had he agreed to go through with the wedding. Once she is over this stage of pain and shock, she will come to understand what a lucky escape this ordeal has been.

Far better to not get married than marry and then divorce , when Alfie might be able to claim some of the equity etc.
BTW, he might we;;just have realised he didn't love her, if it was the woman saying it we would all be behind that decision wouldn't we?

Sorry typos! Sausage fingers this morning!

People do fall out of love. It's very sad, but it happens. Maybe planning to get married was the catalyst for Alfie to clarify his feelings.
Sending hugs to Claire.

I feel for her. Sadly I predict in a couple of months Alfie will ‘begin’ dating someone, probably from work, and they will stress that absolutely nothing happened until after he broke up with Claire…

@Fourlegsandatail I'd agree he's possibly got a bit on the side.

But whatever hats of to him to be honest before the wedding. It would have been easier to go through with it and then claim a shed load of money from her.

She needs to grieve the future she thought she had, all her hopes and dreams. Before she can start looking for someone else.

It will take a lot for her to ever trust anyone or allow herself to hope.

It will take a while to heal but in a year she will be relieved that she did not financially shackle herself to a man that did not love her truly. Right now her world has collapsed, so it is good she has friends around her now - she needs you all!

Thanks for updating us. Poor woman has had her dreams destroyed & will just need time now. I’m so glad the wedding didn’t go ahead, sad that it was cancelled so late in the day and he allowed her to loose all monies… He must’ve told ‘his’ guests it was cancelled I’m guessing?

It doesn’t feel like it now but Claire’s dodged a bullet.

Poor love, hope she'll be feeling better soon.

He did the right thing telling her.

If he had just fallen out of love it would have been the easiest thing just to slide into the wedding under the momentum.

If there is someone else, and I think it likely, she's had a narrow escape.

He doesn't have his fingers in her property.

And kudos to her friends who took the burden of making the decision for her.

She's had a lucky escape but will time to heal.

She absolutely cannot marry him. Tie her up if you have to. She will lose half the assets. He has no claim without marriage. What he's done is a bit shit, granted, but I think it's better that he does it now than goes through with a sham marriage. She has nothing to be embarrassed about. It's not her fault and people will understand. This happened in my own family and while everybody was sad for the couple, it worked out for the best in the end.

Sorry I've just seen the update. I should have RTFT first 🙄

Did you read the update? Literally the post above yours!

1. wedding was cancelled a couple days before by her friends.
2. Im sure he didn’t intend to back out 2 weeks before… some people just get swept along with planning and then nearer the date realise they can’t go through with it. I had a friend do exactly that.
3. solicitor for what?? Her £300k deposit is protected anyway so he can’t touch it.
4. legally she can’t change locks until his name is off the mortgage. But he has moved out according to the update and can’t see him wanting to return after the devastation he’s caused.

Well done @grassverge for supporting her through this. Is there anyone able to stay with her ? Maybe down the line she can get a lodger or rent the house out until her mortgage contrast is renewable so she can sell up and move on x