He is not in love with her 2 weeks before wedding

[grassverge]

Alfie has decided 2 weeks before their wedding that he does not want to get married and doesn’t love Claire. They have a new 10 year mortgage together, a two year old and his 3 kids from a previous marriage. She has paid 300k deposit on house and 20k on wedding. He paid 0 deposit but needs his salary for the mortgage. She is in shock and is willing to go ahead with the marriage if he will agree. Claire has only told me, a friend and is too embarrassed to tell anyone else. She is hoping he will change his mind. I want to say end it no matter if he changes his mind AIBU?

How does she know he doesn't love her?

It's right there in the OP's first post - "Alfie has decided 2 weeks before their wedding that he does not want to get married and doesn’t love Claire."

@grassverge I would tell her that she’s making a huge mistake and doesn’t want to marry someone who doesn’t love her, cold feet is bull crap, we were both excited about getting married and had no doubts!
She needs to ask him and his kids to leave. Ask the mortgage company if she can transfer mortgage to a smaller house. Or just down size and buy a house outright else where and suck up the cancellation fee.
cancel wedding and ask for as many refunds as possible.. donate anything she can’t get refund on …. So cake, flowers etc …. Donate to someone or ask them to just make the cake plain and have a huge tea party later. Sell bridesmaid dresses etc.
I think it’s a huge red flag that she paid for the whole wedding yet clearly has a good wage?? It doesn’t sound like he was ever too bothered about a wedding.
Go round with cake and offer to call guests and venues etc on her behalf

Can she turn the property into a buy-to-let or perhaps take on a lodger to split the cost? The guy must not get his hands on the house! If they marry and it all goes wrong (which it will…..given what you’re saying), he will be entitled to the house. As for the 20K wedding, if your friend can’t back out of the expense she can always turn it into a party to celebrate avoiding getting married to this weirdo. So sorry there’s a child involved, that’s tragic.

Guys who cheat once will cheat again…. and again….

It dosnt say anywhere that he cheated, just that he dosnt love her any more.

O

Tell her to bin him off and if she can't get her money back for wedding and food ect to just have a big party there instead to celebrate herself. I saw a woman who did that who got jilted on the day and she still went to the venue and had a huge party.
She definitely should not marry him..the embarrassment and heartbreak and financial difficulties will only increase when he leaves her later on anyway

She has a good friend , she had told you what is happening and you and others will support her.
Is there wedding insurance? He should let guests know wedding off. Maybe someone could send generic email to her wedding guests ?
When she has had time to process what has happened , get her to a solicitor to help protect her finances and future with her child. She has had a lucky escape .
Definitely no to marrying him ,

Yes of course she feels embarrassed but
…after she has apologised profusely to all her guests and thanked them …and said sorry explain that to her great sorrow he does not want to marry her after all….
The shared loathing of him by them will be palpable. If only she would dare grasp that painful expensive nettle.
What a bastard. He’s relying on her saving her own face and not outing him not realising the utter humiliation he will suffer when they find out his cruelty.
This man has four children, he’s not a child changing his mind. I’m so glad she won’t marry him. She won’t will she?
So sad. she needs to cut her losses because he can’t be trusted with their future and he will make her very unhappy What a s**t, time to let people know.

How utterly devasting! the heartbreak mixed with the logistics of calling of a wedding is a massive kick in the teeth.

But she should 100% not marry him and give him a claim to her £300,000! (dont supposed she protected that in anyway? (I mean if he was in it for the money he probably would have went through with the wedding, but doesnt mean, he wont still go for it later!)

Can she gift the wedding to someone in need? Make something beautiful out of something horrendous?

Totally agree with this advice.

Actually I wondered if this was one of those situations where it's been obvious for some time that he didn't want to marry/had changed his mind? He's paid nothing towards the wedding, I wonder if he had tried to say but it had been dismissed as 'nerves'. The fact is he has said before the event , and therefore there will be no messy divorce further down the line. Do people really think the wedding is going ahead , or it's a good idea ?

If she is concerned about the family and friends who have taken leave and paid for accomodation, she can keep the party bit and do it as a "F.U." statement to him or a "getting support and understanding from my crew" one, whichever suits her best. Some places would allow cancellations a week before the arrival date (I mean hotels etc), so some people could potentially get their costs back. Some might want to come and see her anyway. This is not going to improve, he won't start loving her all of a sudden. She needs to get financial advise and cancel now. Can you and her friends start calling places and asking what's the cancellation policy? Any wedding insurance? Keep those that cannot be cancelled but might be postponed (e.g. maybe the photographer can do some pics at other event, maybe the florist hasn't ordered yet and the flowers can be used for Christmas wreaths gifts, etc). I'd take her to a financial advisor asap and not wait for her to do these decisions because clearly she's in shock and probably paralysed. If you or her family and friends can step up and help to move things, such as getting advice and deadlines for cancellations, things that are more information than action, I bet that would help

@grassverge
Any update, has it been officially called off, how is Claire coping?

No he won't have a claim.

What a horrible man and what a horrible situation for Claire to find herself in. Claire, you need to be strong and see your way through this and, caring for your daughter, ask this man to leave before making the mistake of marrying him effectively giving away half of your money. You seem to be surrounded by people who love and support you, (if you will let them), trust that they are looking out for you even when you are so hurt that perhaps you can't see quite straight and want to 'make things right'. That's not going to happen, have the good judgement to see him for what he is and set yourself free of this awful situation. You are in my prayers. X

Get out now!

I hope your friend found the strength to do what she needed to do. Poor lass.

I'm guessing that the wedding is imminent.
How is Claire doing?

Just curious, how many are invited, and how many of these will actually suffer financial consequences once you deduct all his direct guests? (Because I guess they can complain directly to him if they have an issue!)

Is it such a large number of people?

Regardless, that should definitely not be a factor here! Shit happens, it could have been a bereavement or other event beyond of your control, which this one is, so be practical!

Sorry you have to go through this though

What has she done?

You can't be embarrassed to tell people an event is called off . It's better for her now than leave it . I mean people will understand .
and most importantly it's not about people , it's about your life .

How are things now @grassverge ?

What happened to poor Claire? I hope she saw she light and got as many refunds as she could. Hope she’s ok and hope Alfie has had his things packed and had his marching orders!!