To be a bit tired of guests staying!

[Basilfaulty2]

I live in a fairly expensive capital city, very central so have alot of people wanting to stay periodically

Usually don't mind and enjoy but the last lme tired me out and has put me off!

Not sure if I am being petty though. For context I never stay at hers and if I visit have to stay in a hotel , her circumstances don't allow guests.

She arrived Friday late afternoon, I had a very long week at the office by this stage so was knackered which didn't help.

As she walked in, told her I had just had the carpets deep cleaned, expecting her to take her dirty trainers off, but no, came.in and left marks over pale carpet.

No room for a dishwasher in kitchen, so she merrily makes tea, coffee, and snacks, then piles all the crockery in the sink or on the side for me to wash , and reminds me by saying we have run out of cups.

I take her out for dinner one night and.make break fast every morning , she gave me a free gift thay was stuck on the front of a magazine she bought, as a thank.you

She is pretty untidy, so I spent alot of the weekend clearing up after her. Incapable it seems of doing anything in kitchen without spilling something on floor or counters and.just leaves it

Then she left my spare room and bathroom in a mess when she left , either make the bed or strip it, don't leave a tangled.pile.of sheets and spill make up all over the bathroom sink

First world problems, but after a hectic week at work, didn't need it. When she asked if she could stay again 2 weeks later I said I was busy.

2 weeks later she messaged again to ask if i was sure I was busy.

Petty but I'm pretty irritated

‘Jebus, no way, Sandra. It took me a whole day to clear up after you the last time. You tramped all over the clean carpet in your big clompy trainers, left all the dishes and tidying to me, you didn’t strip your bed, you let me pay for all the food the whole weekend, and you couldn’t even be bothered to bring me back lunch when you were getting some for yourself…and you’ve left a load of crap here for me to look after. I’m not having you back here until you sort yourself out, pick up the pace, and learn to treat me and my home with a bit of respect.’

If hes going to treat your place like an Airbnb then charge airbnb prices including the cleaning fee. Might put her off asking in the future

Pack up the stuff and tell her it's outside the door on x date.

No way would I be having her back.

Thank you

Yes I.will say this

You're right OP, unmade bed is awful. I'm embarrassed for her. Gross lack of respect for your space.
Tbh I wouldn't let her stay again, or not for quite a long time

'I am sorry CF but I am getting too old to be having guests staying all the time it's been non stop since Ioved here and now it just tires me out so I'm afraid you will have to book a hotel from now on. Happy to meet up for dinner/coffee when you are in town though.'

*moved not loved

Personally if she had left food in my cupboards I would be eating that and if she questioned it say it was taking up my space and that next time she can use a hotel

As a child I lived overseas and we had a constant trail of visitors/friends. We lived in a popular tourist destination. When my parents moved back to the UK we never saw the majority of these people. I moved overseas when I married, we had the request to visit (aka provide board and food) from similar 'friends' I had learnt by then just to say no

I’d get some therapy to find out why you think being treated like this is acceptable

I live in an expensive city centre and we have a blanket rule that no one except my mum or my parents in law are allowed to stay

We have had requests from everyone from Aunts to distant friends we haven't seen in 6 years.

The answer is always no.

I hate having people to stay, so I just don't.

Might be the answer!

Have refused next dates for a visit and as so many of you say just because she has a hard life doesn't mean she treats me like a maid or treats my apartment like a hotel

It isn’t first world problems - your friend is rude 😂

the bed wouldn’t worry me as I’d be stripping the sheets anyway and wouldn’t expect a guest to do that. It’s the rest that would annoy me! Can’t believe she kept shoes on when you explicitly told her the cream carpets had been cleaned! Do you actually enjoy her company? She sounds very presumptuous that she’ll be coming again since she’s left her stuff with you.

seriously tell her to get to fk

Wow she is a CF. Not petty at all to refuse to let her stay again. You can either be honest with her or be permanently busy until she gets the hint. If you do let her stay again then lay out the ground rules. You won't be cooking for her or paying for meals out as you work full time and weekends are for you to relax. This is not a hotel and she has to clear up after herself.

Personally I would not have her back. Eat the food she left and stuff her things in a carrier bag in a corner somewhere and tell her to pick it up next time she is in town or if she sends you postage you will post it. If it is still there in a certain number of weeks you will gift to local charity shop. Is she a friend you enjoy spending time with?

You’re definitely not being petty.
You’re property is not a hotel and you are not a cleaner.
Just be away or busy every time she asks to stay or just be straight with her and say having house guests is too much hard work and you won’t be doing it again…..ever.
Bag up all her stuff and leave by the front door so she doesn’t gain access and park herself on your sofa.
Id also send her suggestions re good places to stay next time.

It happens when you live in a place people want to visit- certain individuals who never visit you when you live in the back of beyond descend on you. I think you're right to be 'busy'.
As an aside, once when I lived in London I got home from work late ion evening to find my flatmate, who had gone to her BFs for the night, had left me a note saying 'There's an American in the sitting room' ( turned out to be friend of a mutual friend of ours, who we didn't know, and who had just turned up without warning on info from mutual friend). She was a nice lass, and fine to have a round for a few days, but a wee bit of a surprise. I told this tale to a fellow London-dwelling New Zealander friend, who said, 'That's nothing- Antipodeans ring you from Gatwick'.😆

We had friends like this when we lived in Paris. We left Paris ten years ago and haven’t seen them since!

She has absolutely NO respect or consideration for you OP.

Quite the opposite in fact - she is contemptuous of you and your home.

She's not even coming to see YOU FFS!

How does she exhibit the traits of a friend???

This is awful, I'm sorry your friend is treating you like this.
I used to travel to London a lot and regularly stayed in my relative's spare room but I was so anxious that I would ever be putting them out that I made an effort to treat them to dinner and drinks every time, buy thank you gifts, and be scrupulously tidy. Treating a host the way she's been acting is just unthinkable, in my opinion, I hope you are able to convey this to her.

Love some of these responses

If I have to tell someone to take their shoes off, dirty trainers , on cream carpets, and make the bed when they leave ( don't expect it stripped) and wash up themselves , then they are not welcome

Leaving alot of food behind and clothes is also a new one on me , and a tiny kitchen so they had to cram.it in cupboard

Not happening again

Thank all

Her having a hard life would explain why she wants to stay with you but not why she walked on your freshly cleaned carpets with her dirty shoes. You would think if she has to count her pennies that she would "know the value of a dollar" if you know what I mean. It wouldn't have cost her any money to be polite, considerate, wash the dishes she used, or strip her bed before she left.

Fuck that for a game of soldiers.
She'd never see me again at my house or otherwise if it was me.
That's pure user.

Don't you feel tho that if u have to tell someone or ask then they're already being a bad guest and ruining your weekend. Like complaining in a restaurant, it doesn't make anything better. You're still fed up.