To be a bit tired of guests staying!

[Basilfaulty2]

I live in a fairly expensive capital city, very central so have alot of people wanting to stay periodically

Usually don't mind and enjoy but the last lme tired me out and has put me off!

Not sure if I am being petty though. For context I never stay at hers and if I visit have to stay in a hotel , her circumstances don't allow guests.

She arrived Friday late afternoon, I had a very long week at the office by this stage so was knackered which didn't help.

As she walked in, told her I had just had the carpets deep cleaned, expecting her to take her dirty trainers off, but no, came.in and left marks over pale carpet.

No room for a dishwasher in kitchen, so she merrily makes tea, coffee, and snacks, then piles all the crockery in the sink or on the side for me to wash , and reminds me by saying we have run out of cups.

I take her out for dinner one night and.make break fast every morning , she gave me a free gift thay was stuck on the front of a magazine she bought, as a thank.you

She is pretty untidy, so I spent alot of the weekend clearing up after her. Incapable it seems of doing anything in kitchen without spilling something on floor or counters and.just leaves it

Then she left my spare room and bathroom in a mess when she left , either make the bed or strip it, don't leave a tangled.pile.of sheets and spill make up all over the bathroom sink

First world problems, but after a hectic week at work, didn't need it. When she asked if she could stay again 2 weeks later I said I was busy.

2 weeks later she messaged again to ask if i was sure I was busy.

Petty but I'm pretty irritated

What are you going to do with her stuff? If you live centrally in a capital city, chances are that your place is not massive.

I have a lot of houseguests and one thing that drives me crackers is when they leave their stuff behind and it becomes my problem to get it to them. Coats, shoes, once an entire suitcase of children’s clothes.

A few people have suggested that you mail it to her. Can you afford to do so?

This isn’t first world problems, this is someone who takes people for granted, I would say no you can no longer stay as you leave a mess behind you and are not mindful. Maybe her place is a tip which is why she doesn’t invite you to stay. Bugger that!

Thanks for all the replies

This situation is sorted and she won't be staying again, genuinely however don't think I should have to tell someone to make a bed when they leave, clean obvious spills and wash up after themselves and take shoes off when entering a home with pale carpets

And 98per cent of the time I don't!

If I have to spell it out as if they are a child they need to stay elsewhere

Bravo op.
Any civilised person would easily meet your expectations... Anyone else doesn't deserve your hospitality.

Good woman OP.

HER behaviour is NOT normal and I say this as someone who has hosted dozens and dozens of people over the years, even some friends of friends because of the great spot I lived in.

This may well not be the last you see of her.
CF can be relentless.

Regarding her belongings.

Price sending them back to her plus an annoyance fee and get that money first.

Otherwise, dump her stuff.

Unfortunately in life, generous accommodating people can be seen as weak and taken advantage of.

Her behaviour was appalling.

Learn from this and the first hint of anything CFish again, cut it off.

People inviting themselves to stay is often a red flag.

A good saying is, "act on red flags, don't collect them".

Best of luck to you.

My 9yo made the bed at the BnB we were staying in without me even asking, and she doesn't make hers at home. I'd be hugely conscious about how much you were saving me and do everything to make it easy for you. So glad you've put boundaries in place.

Good for you! You deserve much better treatment when you go out of your way to host a friend.

I'm happy to read that you value yourself enough to not let her trod on you again like she did.

“Regarding her belongings.

Price sending them back to her plus an annoyance fee and get that money first.

Otherwise, dump her stuff.”

I would donate the foodstuffs to a local food bank and the clothing to a charity shop. I would let her know that’s what I had done with what she had left behind.

She is not a friend- not even coming to see you! I would not tolerate any of this. No more visits.

She is taking way to much advantage without reciprocating. She will probably get stroppy, cross, pull sad faces or point out how difficult you have made her situation by setting boundaries or saying " No". Get ready for it . All behaviours to make you feel guilty. She can see it. Enjoy your home and genuine friends would respect your wishes.

I'm so so glad you've found the ability to say no! And you're not letting her push you into anything. 💪

I go stay with a friend for 1-3 weeks sometimes. We're now more like family after all this time. I'm invited, I'm asked to stay that long and I have my own key which was voluntarily given.

I've not been able to go in 18mths due to health, but i wanted to give you an idea of what I do. Firstly, I take a shopping bag full of food and bits. A chicken pie for a dinner, some steaks from the butchers, a huge pack of coffee as I make a cafetiere up every day, a tub of homemade curry paste, a pack of incense, a homemade Sourdough loaf, a bottle of whiskey etc. It changes each time but this is the kind of thing. Stuff towards dinners and shows of appreciation. I pack the stuff in a toy story shopping bag, so I don't need room in my case to bring any of it home.

I go to the supermarket and buy a shop, things for the fridge that I use, ingredients for specific dinners that we plan out to cook together. I do chores every day, usually dishes, I'll grab the hoover to run round and always tidy any mess I make. I'll fill up supplies for the fire, and clean it out to light that night. I take us all out for dinner, and definitely pay for least a lunch out. I always leave 20/30/40 quid towards bills.

I strip my bed, put the sheets in the machine, hoover the room and dust & clean the sink before I go. Empty the bedroom bin. I usually leave a bar of her favourite chocolate hidden somewhere, and at night when she's asleep I'll drop a hot water bottle into her bed on cold nights (she absolutely loves this, sometimes I put one in before she gets into bed). I'm usually the last awake, so I tidy the living room and leave it as I found it for those getting up in the morning.

I do stay for a long time, and I'd be absolutely mortified if she ever felt I was taking advantage or leaving a mess. I'm actually struggling to go see her again as I'm not really able to cook for a while now, and it would put all the meal pressure on her. I hate the thought of that.

Your home is your castle. Anyone nice enough to let you share their castle should be shown respect and gratitude. You sound like a lovely kind person. Make sure people treat you well 💕

That is such a lovely message and you sound like a wonderful guest !

Thank you for sharing x

Good luck with those boundaries 💕

Pretty much this!

I also live in a Capital City, and now only let people stay that have come to see me. And only them, not them and their friends.
improved my life massively