To be a bit tired of guests staying!

[Basilfaulty2]

I live in a fairly expensive capital city, very central so have alot of people wanting to stay periodically

Usually don't mind and enjoy but the last lme tired me out and has put me off!

Not sure if I am being petty though. For context I never stay at hers and if I visit have to stay in a hotel , her circumstances don't allow guests.

She arrived Friday late afternoon, I had a very long week at the office by this stage so was knackered which didn't help.

As she walked in, told her I had just had the carpets deep cleaned, expecting her to take her dirty trainers off, but no, came.in and left marks over pale carpet.

No room for a dishwasher in kitchen, so she merrily makes tea, coffee, and snacks, then piles all the crockery in the sink or on the side for me to wash , and reminds me by saying we have run out of cups.

I take her out for dinner one night and.make break fast every morning , she gave me a free gift thay was stuck on the front of a magazine she bought, as a thank.you

She is pretty untidy, so I spent alot of the weekend clearing up after her. Incapable it seems of doing anything in kitchen without spilling something on floor or counters and.just leaves it

Then she left my spare room and bathroom in a mess when she left , either make the bed or strip it, don't leave a tangled.pile.of sheets and spill make up all over the bathroom sink

First world problems, but after a hectic week at work, didn't need it. When she asked if she could stay again 2 weeks later I said I was busy.

2 weeks later she messaged again to ask if i was sure I was busy.

Petty but I'm pretty irritated

Thanks !

She isn't staying again, in her defence she is messy when we were away and I suspect at her home, but if she invites herself to stay at mine she should know to keep it tidy and wash up after herself, getting rid of all the stuff left behind by her and standing firm

For some reason it's the leaving an.unmade bed that strikes me as the rudest thing...don't expect guests to strip bed, but make it or just pull the duvet over neatly when you leave surely, that really wound me.up!

Ps she did hint that she could stay when I'm away....if she had keys

That got shot down quickly.

I’m not the tidiest of people but there are social norms. If I’m in someone else’s home I try and be/ leave as if I wasn’t there- if I used something, I replace it; strip linen and towels used to one side etc.

Do u keep in contact with this friend regularly? Do u only hear from her when she wants to stay?

It's OK saying u are busy once but u can't continue with that. I wouldn't be having her stay if she only contacts u to use ur home. U either let her stay but tell her ur not happy about the mess she leaves OR tell her ur not having guest stay anymore. If she's not someone u hear from much then just cut her loose. She's a cheeky b*tch for asking if ur sure ur busy.

She does check in from time to time but i hear alot more from her just before she requests to stay if that makes sense

Have made allowances before, hard life etc, but this last time.i had enough particular with the bed and the washing up and leaving a heap of stuff for the kitchen and clothes when the place is pretty small!

Pale carpets were dirty after she kept trainers on, I assumed saying they had just been deep cleaned any normal person would take.shoes off, makeup somehow smeared on pale sofas , you get it

She is a kind person, not all bad, but doesn't know how to be a guest , and at 45 I can't be arsed teaching her

Urgh - the cheek of her! Imagine the state of the house if you allowed this- you'd return to an absolute pig sty probably. I cannot for the life of me understand the entitlement and rudeness of people like her. It blows my mind.

Tell her....not us. Presumably she's a grown *rse adult and could cope with being told she's a lazy, messy so and so and to have a bit of respect for your and your home, and you to clean up after herself.

This ^

You are not alone.

We live in a bit of a destination, close to several touristy places. Most guests are lovely, sometimes it can feel a bit relentless and er call a break because its all been a bit too peopley.... but the in-laws have made it clear they are coming because they love the area.... seemingly oblivious to the obvious insult that they aren't coming to see us.

They expect to be entertained, want to eat out all the time, and leave the bed looking like someone had a fight in it. Either make it or strip it.....

On top of that, they used the emergency key to just let themselves in a couple of days earlier than expected last time they visited. Livid.

Why do people do thus! I have a coastal holiday home and spend whole summers there, I live to have friends and kids come and stay with us and most are great - but one just sits in the garden with her phone whilst I cook every meal for her and kids, then wash up. She doesn’t drive so I take them everywhere. I pay fir all the food. I don’t mind the money dude if things as she’s broke and it’s nice to give her kids a holiday and my kids enjoy having them around - but you’d think she’d wash - up or offer to cook ffs! I always swear I’m not having her again but she is good company, entertaining and my kids like her kids do I suck it up. But it’s so bloody entitled.

@BalloonKnotWhistle @Toomuchtrouble4me you’re both mugs. Maybe you can ditch the freeloaders and visit each other!

No need to be a wet blanket over it. Yes shes extremely rude, but i dont understand why you let her stay?

End whatever one sided friendship this is now. Don't have her back. She can stay in a hotel and you can meet her for coffee (in a shop) and bring her her clothes. She obviously had plenty money to spoil herself with , having saved on accommodation and food at yours.
I wouldn't bother having a chat about 'why' because she's made very clear in her behaviour how she likes to roll.
Don't give up entertaining all the nice friends u do have tho.

Best thing you can do is send her an email with link to this thread.

Obviously you have dumped the food, and should tell her to collect other property within 3 months, when passing, or it will go to charity shop.

That food in your cupboard and those clothes that she left are yours now. She's a user. Don't allow yourself to be a doormat.

I would say no

This is a good response. I couldn’t host overnight guests after working all week. The extra work and invasion of my space would drive me batty

I think never again. She was taking the Michael - free accommodation, housekeeping services and a subsidy. You sing for your supper as a guest. If she hasn’t learnt that by now, she is either thick or doesn’t care how her behaviour affects those around her.

Unless your last name is "Hilton" or "Marriott", you have no reason to let people like her stay in your "hotel". You are not being petty or unreasonable. You are being sane and valuing yourself, your time and your home. No, she doesn't get a second chance.

Donate the food and tell her she can pick up her clothing the next time she comes to town because you will bring them to her at whatever hotel she is staying at. Or mail them to her as money well spent.

I do not understand why you allow yourself to be such a doormat. If you let her stay again, even if you don't cook for her or take her out, she will still leave a mess and have zero consideration for you or your property. It doesn't matter if she claims she is "tight on funds". She had enough to go shopping and do takeaway. She is a user and she has found the perfect patsy to crap all over.

She is careful with money but did so much shopping she couldn't lug it all home? She is selling you a dog and pony show and you are paying top admission prices. I think she told you exactly how she felt about your friendship when she came home with takeaway ONLY for herself.

I cannot understand how any posters could even suggest giving her another chance but "with rules". Rules don't matter to people like her because she certainly doesn't know how to follow basic, human manners.

it's so nice having guests but I'm finding clearing up etc really hard to fit in with work and everything.

I'd love to see you but if you stay , shoes off as new carpet, please Can you help out with washing up and strip the bed and put clean sheets on before you leave? '

This

Be very careful OP to be keeping people like her in your life.

Her contempt for you and your home is astounding, yet you write about hosting again.

You are very vulnerable to abusive relationships when your boundaries are so poor and your self respect so lacking.

Her behaviour is not normal yet you tolerated it without any comment.

You asked her to remove her dirty shoes, she ignored you and walked into your home and staining your carpets?

How does that happen?
How do you keep speaking to someone in that moment?
Allow her to continue to enter?
Its unfathomable.

She came home with lunch for herself and again you made no comment?

She told you you needed to wash up her dishes? Again no comment from you?

She leaves your guest bedroom in a disgusting state, not removing all her belongings and again no comment?

You really have zero self esteem and respect to allow anyone treat you or your home like this.

Neither you nor her are normal healthy people in this situation.

You are so vulnerable to an abusive relationship if you would allow a friend treat you like such a mug in your own home and for you to so completely allow it.

Look at doing the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk to help you understand what having boundaries and self respect look like.

You have a very hard life ahead of you if you continue to allow anyone to treat you and your home with such blatent contempt, whilst you think this is what a friendship looks like.

Her behaviour is dripping with disregard and contempt for you.

Omg no way.

I'm a very untidy person (late diagnosis of ADHD & Dispraxia) however if I stayed at a friend's or family members house I would ALWAYS tidy up after myself also insist on washing up myself & even offer to cook. She is rude & inconsiderate & tbh sounds annoying as hell!!