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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask what the rudest thing your child has said to you in a melt down?

495 replies

DrSeuss84 · 17/07/2023 19:26

Tonight my very hormonal, 12 year old, pre teen told me to “shove off” when I made a joke about her playing with Lego instead of tidying her room. Quickly followed up with “you ruin everything”. It took me back a bit to be honest. It was completely out of character. It got me wondering 2 things:

  1. is this normal teenage behaviour? Or is my child suddenly going off the rails?

  2. what’s the worst thing your child has said in a rage.

OP posts:
nopuppiesallowed · 24/07/2023 14:42

@zerofuchsgivenTBH
Sorry if I sounded judgemental. Parents of ND children may well be better parents than I was and much better advocates for their children. However, if they are facing such appallingly rude tirades, surely they need help and support with this? Public funds are stretched, but should cover children's and parents needs in this (and other MH) areas. If it isn't rectified during childhood, surely adult life is going to be affected and far more difficult?

megletthesecond · 24/07/2023 14:45

snippy the help really doesn't exist. We pretty much have to figure it out as we go along. Even paid support is thin on the ground.

Needhelp101 · 24/07/2023 14:51

This thread has been both hilarious and heartbreaking (I also have a child with autism and have been told they hate me and they hope I die more times than I care to remember. They also equally tell me they love me and I'm the most beautiful woman in the world so it's horses for courses).

As a PP said, I've had the "OK, boomer" thrown at me by my teenager. I'm bloody Gen X!

They only did it once 😁

Gerrataere · 24/07/2023 15:08

nopuppiesallowed · 24/07/2023 14:42

@zerofuchsgivenTBH
Sorry if I sounded judgemental. Parents of ND children may well be better parents than I was and much better advocates for their children. However, if they are facing such appallingly rude tirades, surely they need help and support with this? Public funds are stretched, but should cover children's and parents needs in this (and other MH) areas. If it isn't rectified during childhood, surely adult life is going to be affected and far more difficult?

In the last month (one about 4 days ago) I’ve had two of my children diagnosed with autism. Do you know what happens after? Nothing. You get a one page letter saying ‘your child has met the criteria for diagnosis’ and that’s it. Anything else they need, you as their parents have to beg and plead for. Pay for out of your own pocket (or apply for disability allowance so the child can ‘pay’ for it themselves - not a process I’d wish on anyone). No help is ever offered, usually things get to the point where you have to ask CAMHs or social services for help. Then you get your parenting dissected and offered parenting courses whilst the mental health aspect of your child’s neurodivergence continues to get out of control. And that’s for the diagnosed children. Those who’ve lived for years undiagnosed are often the adults you see who’ve had severe mental health breakdowns, criminal records, addictions…

nopuppiesallowed · 24/07/2023 15:26

That's terrible. I'm so sorry. Time for a concerted campaign for governmental help...

zerofuchsgivenTBH · 24/07/2023 15:30

Look, your definition of an "appallingly rude tirade" changes if you have a child that isn't neurotypical. I see a kid who is having a hard time and needs me to help him regulate himself after a day of school making him feel like he's not good enough.

You have said earlier on the thread that you have told your children they can be angry but only in their rooms.

That's great for you that your parenting can be so hands off.

But not all kids are that docile. Some kids, mine included, would find that extremely hard to tolerate. You may not understand that, but I do.

It's about learning what they need and addressing it, coaching them to handle their big emotions and encouraging them when they get it right.

Much of that falls to parents, and I don't really look at it in the way that you do ie. if I don't 'rectify' my child's behaviour his adult life will be hard.

My job isn't to rectify him, it's to support him and coach him in areas that he struggles with ie emotional regulation, loud classrooms, reading and writing.

I wouldn't change him for the world, he is an amazing, funny and creative kid, and I don't see his struggles as a problem to be rectified. He has taught me a lot and continues to teach me and I don't see him as the problem, the problem is the box-ticking, winning at all costs world he lives in.

WhiteFire · 24/07/2023 16:16

Just before COVID we approached CAHMS and Social services, neither cared, CAMHS won't get involved when there is an autism diagnosis.

The very limited services we have accessed have been because his pediatrician pushes for us, but he sees her for an unrelated genetic condition (i.e he would see her regardless of the autism diagnosis)

PandaExpress · 24/07/2023 17:06

I would be devastated if either of mine said some of these thing. I'm sure the proper advice would be to be the grown up and remain calm, but I'd definitely cry!
My DD11 is an angel and has never said anything mean. I can't express just how much I hope it stays this way!! My DS16 has told me to f off, but then cried and apologised profusely. He's ASD and when he has a meltdown he'll shout and cry, but doesn't really insult us. The worst he's said is "You're selfish" which I found quite cutting, until I read this thread.

hookiewookie29 · 24/07/2023 17:35

My daughter once shouted" Sometimes I wish you weren't my Mummy"
I very maturely shouted back " So do I!"
Not my finest moment......

CrazyLadie · 24/07/2023 18:13

Tempone · 17/07/2023 19:43

Everything under the sun. My eldest has ASD PDA etc, so the usual fat cunt etc . He had run out of insults one day and called me a fucking milf... I have never told him what it means 🤣

Oh I so would have, nothing better than natural consequences and I bet he would have been mortified 🤣🤣🤣

JenWillsiam · 24/07/2023 18:31

If that’s the worst thing your child has ever said you’re in for a shock.

toxic44 · 24/07/2023 18:31

Reading these comments, I wonder why people say I must regret being childless.

Lucyintheskywithadiamond · 24/07/2023 18:42

DD 17 called her Dad a Dirty Bastard when he made her a hot chocolate using hot water as opposed to hot milk. She has a potty mouth but who makes hot chocolate with water, I agreed with her on this occasion 😂

Jainmain · 24/07/2023 18:50

One of mine screamed in the middle of Tesco (she was 6 and her sister was 3) that, ‘You’re not taking care of your children properly.’

My crime? Not buying a box of Pop Tarts.

Nurgleturtle · 24/07/2023 18:51

my 3 year old at the time in the bath says to me mummy you shouldn't eat so much your tummy is too big i died a little inside although im 5ft 5 and size 16 :/ with thyroid issues

Hufflemuff · 24/07/2023 18:54

My 3 yo DD was caught sneaking downstairs at 3am to watch TV and when i sent her back up the stairs to bed she looked at me square in the face and muttered "i dont want to get in my fucking bed!" The F was enunciated with so much anger and it was so unexpected that I found it hilarious. In the morning she got a bollocking for it though, never sworn before or after that day! 😂

Jakadaal · 24/07/2023 19:00

You're not my real mum
I wish you hadn't adopted me
I want to go into care
You're just like my birth mother
You're dead to me

Also had the police called in me saying I was assaulting her (I asked her to put something away)

And I could go in and on

Dd has learning difficulties and attachment disorder. Now 21 and living away from home (her choice) and our relationship is much better.

SpaceCorpsDirective1742 · 24/07/2023 19:05

takealettermsjones · 17/07/2023 20:07

Toddler told me she liked her other mummy better.

There is no other mummy, no female partner, no stepmum, nothing... 🤨 Never did get to the bottom of that one!

My now 14yo had another mother as a toddler. She called her Nuvva Muvva and told us increasingly outlandish tales about Nuvva Muvva and her ever growing brood who sometimes lived in a council flat and other times in a castle with varying numbers of other children.

We still wind her up about Nuvva Muvva!

SpaceCorpsDirective1742 · 24/07/2023 19:16

dreamersdown · 17/07/2023 20:48

I got told today that I’m not invited to my 3 year olds birthday party - the worst punishment she could muster 😂

I was told this at a similar age. I said oh baby, who do you think pays for your party. She didn't say it again 😂

SpaceCorpsDirective1742 · 24/07/2023 19:17

ModestMoon · 17/07/2023 21:00

My 3 year old DS's best insults to me are "You are NOT my best friend", "You are VERY naughty" and "why do you always say everything wrong?", the last one with a look of sheer disappointed on his little face.

I still have the note DD left for me when she was little saying "Mummy is NOT my best fren".

That was me told 😂

Tracy424 · 24/07/2023 19:34

I was calling my normally polite 6 year old down for tea and she shouted “shut up you peasant”

Tracy424 · 24/07/2023 19:35

Tracy424 · 24/07/2023 19:34

I was calling my normally polite 6 year old down for tea and she shouted “shut up you peasant”

Sorry it was “silence you peasant”

Middleagedspreadisreal · 24/07/2023 19:40

These are all mild compared to what my grown up DD has said to me. She hasn't got ADHD, Autism or anything else, she just doesn't like me.

Freshstarts23 · 24/07/2023 19:54

PandaExpress · 24/07/2023 17:06

I would be devastated if either of mine said some of these thing. I'm sure the proper advice would be to be the grown up and remain calm, but I'd definitely cry!
My DD11 is an angel and has never said anything mean. I can't express just how much I hope it stays this way!! My DS16 has told me to f off, but then cried and apologised profusely. He's ASD and when he has a meltdown he'll shout and cry, but doesn't really insult us. The worst he's said is "You're selfish" which I found quite cutting, until I read this thread.

Oh I cry. I then often get mocked and made fun of for crying. Because the crying is actually an emotion that he can’t handle and just makes his emotions even bigger. But at the end of the day I’m human and sometimes it’s too much.

Ladyoftheknight · 24/07/2023 20:22

DD3 told me I look like a crab today. I think that's the rudest. They're not very insulting kids, they usually go off in a huff instead of getting angry which is so much more entertaining