To ask what the rudest thing your child has said to you in a melt down?

[DrSeuss84]

Tonight my very hormonal, 12 year old, pre teen told me to “shove off” when I made a joke about her playing with Lego instead of tidying her room. Quickly followed up with “you ruin everything”. It took me back a bit to be honest. It was completely out of character. It got me wondering 2 things:

1. is this normal teenage behaviour? Or is my child suddenly going off the rails?

2. what’s the worst thing your child has said in a rage.

Sending a hug @IncompleteSenten , this sounds so hard and scary.

I hope for both your sakes that you're able to access good quality support from mental health services (although I fear this won't be the case given how over-stretched those services seem to be).

Well done for hanging in there, I hope it becomes easier for you both.

Wow @Chasingadvice that was a cold response to someone who shared their difficult situation with vulnerability...

Older children at school in the playground apparently. It's not the worst she's come home with either 😕

My 8yo suspected ASD called me an "ugly looking prick" the other day. He regularly calls me things like this when dysregulated, sadly.

We have apparently ruined DD's life by giving her two names - she has an English name which is what is on her birth certificate, and an "ethnic" name which is what we call her at home and what she is called at school (from when she was very little, although of course they know the formal name). And now she is getting older she has to negotiate the fact that formally the name on her passport and GCSE certificates etc is different to the name her friends generally know her by, which is apparently staggeringly problematic (I have the same, and arguably even worse as it is unpronounceable by most in this country. At least DD's is pronounceable, no letters that a standard English speaker can't pronounce correctly). I did suggest she could go fully over to her formal English name if she wanted, but that is apparently unattainable at this point. I suppose the reason this one hurt is because I am proud of my ethnic name, and it felt like a rejection of the whole culture.

Admittedly, if we had known she was going to be ADHD maybe we wouldn't have done this - as maybe it is too confusing for someone who is ND - although she is only the inattentive kind - ie she is off on planet zorg a lot of the time and she she said herself on the form she loses and forgets EVERYTHING!!!! (wish it weren't true, but it is a fairly accurate bit of self knowledge), but she is definitely not the hyperactive or impulsive kind (which is why it went under the radar for so many years) and which must be the part that drives so many of the awful comments brought by those with ADHD DC on this thread. So I guess I should feel very lucky, no matter how frustrating it is to be talking to thin air a lot of the time (and to be constantly replacing things and subtly trying to find strategies to make sure she doesn't lose things without making it obvious that is what we are doing - that would cue a - well I am now hestitant to use the term meltdown, - but a situation to be avoided - so you try and prioritise the important things and shrug your shoulders as to the number of identical water bottles you need to have in stock as the level of upset is just not worth it over a water bottle).

Dd once called me a 'cyclepath' (( 99% sure she meant psychopath. Cheers dd 🤣🤣🤣

No, There can be all sorts of reasons why a NT child could have a meltdown or be unable to control their emotions, such as anxiety/stress/ they could be triggered by trauma or fear etc, the same way NT adults can be.

Omg! This is the beginning of every horror movie ever 😱😂

me - lovingly tucking in our two year old after a day being out at soft play and doing craft projects

"Did you enjoy today, sweets? Was it a Good Day or a Bad Day?"

[Looking furious] "A Bad Day!!"

"Oh no! Sorry to hear that, lovely! Why was it a Bad Day?"

"Mummy!!"

"What about mummy?"

"Mummy's a BADDY!!" folds his arms, looking defiant (about what, I'm not sure!).

Thanks. It is what it is. He's a severely autistic adult and his behaviour is no more under his control than any other set of challenges faced by anyone with any other form of disability. We do the best we can and we love him and fight for him. I have my sister and a close friend to talk to.

My autistic DC has never used words like the words previous posters have described...

My other autistic DC on the other hand....

Makes up for it with some atrocious stuff. Been practicing teen attitude for 6 years before becoming a teen.

If only shove off was the worst..

Being told I "deserved to be punched" by his dad was worse that being told to "kill yourself you lazy piece of shit. "

That she was glad I fell and hurt myself when I was out running. She had intrusive thoughts about wanting to kill me and wanted me to sit in her therapy sessions listening to her go on about wanting to kill me and maybe she hates me. Then super happy after asking for maccas 🙄 I know it’s not her fault but gee it makes you feel shit.

I think you have answered your own question. It obviously isn’t a coincidence that pretty much all the ASD children on this thread are using the same insults.
I can’t speak for everyone, but you often can’t give consequences in the same way you would an NT child either.

You can’t train them out of a neurological condition. I honestly worry about this. I’m hoping my ds will get a better handle of things as he matures but otherwise I do not know what the future will hold in terms of being able to work.

When my son was about 4 he told me he didn't love me any more so I couldn't live in the house with him and had to sleep outside.. this was because I told him to put away his train track before bed.
Later on he came up to me and said I could take one of his blankets with me and a biscuit. He looked quite concerned. I think he genuinely thought I might go and sleep outside because he had told me to lol

Re where do they learn the words - in my son's case it was from his NT classmates!! They thought it was funny to whisper words in his ear and try to get him to repeat them. I was baffled where he could possibly have learned them and only found out because a friend of mine worked at the school and personally witnessed it and told me. I of course asked the school where the hell his 1:1 was and why they didn't stop this from happening.

So yeah. NT kids thinking it's funny to teach a vulnerable child words that will get them into trouble. 🤬

Those asking how kids possibly know these words - well all kids know them, it's just that some kids are are more able to control how they use them and when.

NT kids can be very skilful at creating a situation where they are provoking the neurodivergent child into bad behaviour but able to look innocent when the teacher realises something is going on. NT kids get away with their behaviour and ND child is labelled the naughty one.

Really frustrating and no doubt those parents think their kids are little angels and judge the terrible parenting of the swearing child.

I can't speak for everyone but my ds ((complete with choice language) will tell me that he has held it in all day and would he prefer for him to kick off at school.

So that's how he'll cope in the future.

@WhiteFire So does that mean that when he gets home from work and sees his family that he'll feel free to 'kick off' then? 😥

@Snippysocks Maybe google "masking."

Many kids find school very stressful and yes, when they come home and can finally relax it's the parent, usually that mother, that has to help them work through the emotions they have been silently dealing with all day.

For a kid with dyslexia that might be struggling to read things other kids find easy, being made to feel dumb by a teacher or other kids, being bullied in the playground for being 'dumb' etc.

For other kids it can be struggling to interact, make eye contact, speak up in class etc.

It's an environment that suits extroverts, type A personalities and neuroptypical, bright kids.

My 4yr old yesterday, after being told to tidy up his lego, "Your, your, your, the worst Mum I have EVER had (I'm the only one so tough)
It was counteracted by his 5yr old step brother coming over to hug me and telling me "Well your the best Mum I ever had❤

And furthermore, @Snippysocks with regard to work, there are a lot of options now for people to run their own businesses, manage their own working lives, be their own bosses.

Neurodivergency does not equal failure or mean that you won't cope in the 'real world'.

It simply means that you may not be a happy little worker bunny your whole life, you'll find a different path that may not involve obeying a "boss" or working with colleagues in an office.

Schools are like offices – crowded, loud places that favour obedience, conformity and going along with the crowd, but they are far from the only option. Being really good at school means that a kid is really good at school. Nothing more. And kids who are not "good at school" are not destined to fail.

Parents with neurodivergent children, speaking from ones I know, are incredibly good at advocating for their kids, displaying superhuman levels of patience and doing whatever they can to understand their particular child.

So they are often better parents, too.

Not sure if you mean to, but your questions sound quite judgemental. A kid does't "feel free" to kick off when he gets home. He is finally safe and can let out some of the stress of the day. And that is a good thing.

No kids here yet but I was a very bad tempered child and once when I was angry I shouted at my parents "WELL MY BUMS ITCHY AND I'M NOT GOING TO SCRACTH IT"!!

Some of the attitudes on here are really depressing 😥