AIBU to let my 2 y/o watch so much iPad?

[MelroseGrainger]

I’m expecting some flames…and I will listen to it. I know it’s not great. But I’m also curious if people have non-judgemental views about iPad use?

Our DD is nearly 2.5 and watches A LOT of iPad every day. Hours of it. It’s the go-to for her otherwise very present and engaging and loving and affectionate father.

But, here’s the thing…I think she’s actually pretty advanced in language and numeracy. She can name all but 3 or 4 letters of the alphabet (which we haven’t actively taught her). She knows how to count actual objects, up to about 5 or 6 (we’ve taught her this mostly. But it’s been reinforced by YouTube videos). She knows how to say three colours in Spanish (we’ve not taught her this)

She can also now independently type in the first two or three letters of something specific she’s looking for, and choose the correct auto-suggested word from the search list.

She gets lots of other activities and time outside, lots of mummy and daddy time and crafts etc. So we’re not awful parents. I don’t think!

But interested to hear if we’re still rotting her brain and social abilities, or if she’s getting the pay off from so much learning (and evident enjoyment)

runs and ducks for cover

You do realise that by giving your kid screen time when he wakes early you are retraining his brain to continually wake early, right?

So he’s going to continue waking early as long as you do it. You’re just causing a bigger more long term problem.

I'm watching this with interest. My DD is two and exactly as you've described yours. Seems very advanced - for example, she knows 12 colours - whereas google says a two year old would know one or two. I'm sure that's mainly from the YouTube videos of colours!

She watches about 30 mins in the morning and then over the day around 15-20 mins a few times.

I know it's too much but we are also struggling to cut back.

I saw something helpful recently that 'coviewing' (ie watching tv with them) is much more beneficial than tablets- because you can talk about what you're watching, check comprehension, it's less immersive and addictive. So although no more than an hour is recommended at your child's age, in the real world that can be hard but tweaks might make it less harmful.

We give our daughter a bit of screen time if waking early and we haven't found this to be the case at all? Where have you read this?

@Fairislefandango - a very good point - why more and more schools are banning phones.

I've just read a book about it and it's made me ditch social media. I need to ditch MN too tbh - I find it more addictive than FB and Instagram together.

Obviously a 2yo isn't on social media, but apps and websites use exactly the same psychological tricks to draw people in and keep them clicking. It's worth remembering- if you're not paying a subscription to the content you're accessing, that's because you (or your attention, or your child's attention) are the product that's being sold. Their money is coming from giving companies access to your attention and to knowledge about your clicking habits.

After a few hours this morning playing tablets my 6yo and 8yo had devices removed and TV off and had to make their own entertainment. We played card games around the table instead as well as them having time to be "bored" and find something to do.

I don’t see anything wrong with it personally. As long as it’s educational stuff they’re doing/watching and not just the teletubbies all day. My disabled daughter has always loved her iPad and thanks to it, she can type really well despite having brain damage and learning difficulties. I don’t think doing crafts all day and playing with dolls and cars is necessarily any better.

We’re really starting to struggle at school (primary teacher) with children having much shorter attention spans and being unable to focus on tasks not as exciting as a screen. Our school play therapist explains it as a dopamine hit that, since we are unable to replicate it at school, makes the classroom insufferably boring in comparison.

Our DDs are 2 and 4 and while they do
watch CBeebies, Bluey, Disney films on a long car journey, we won’t let them anywhere near kids YouTube or similar for fear of affecting their brain development. We are categorically NOT perfect parents, but we do try hard in this area.

DH does a lot of gardening with the DDs pottering around after him - would your DD be into that?

A few thoughts:

I really like the Vooks app - it's basically like slower paced stories told to video, much more chilled than YouTube kids

Yoto player or Tonie box might be worth a look too

I think it affects some children much more than others - I gave one who is just more addicted to screens than the other who has always been able to take or leave it

I think an hour or so over the course of a day is fine, several hours is different

@Fairislefandango - some staff were very much against the complete ban on phones at school, thinking break and lunchtimes would be ok. However, the Head showed us all the recent research on phone usage, social media and developing brains. There is strong evidence to seriously limit usage for children. Compelling evidence about the impact on mental health, particularly girls. Lots of research. Some of it quite eye opening.

I know your little one isn't using social media, OP, but it's the habitual use of a device which can become problematic. You are right to think about it and curtail usage.

Yes. It's clinically proven to cause short sightedness in extremes. Kids (especially toddlers!) should not spend more than 40mins on a screen without a 10min break, and should be max 2hrs per day.

There’s very good reasons why it’s too long. Mine learnt colours from books and interaction with me. They learnt about words and sounds. They enjoyed describing pictures and characters. They developed empathy and gross and fine motor skills by playing with toys. Screen time was zero for mine. There’s a lot to be learnt by doing a lot away from a screen. Games and reading for example. Imaginative play. Lots.

Ok, thanks all. Some useful hard truths here (and some quite frankly rude and definitely not useful reactions. That’s the internet for you…my next habit to break!)

I didn’t have any idea about the effect on sight, that was an eye opener (sorry). I had assumed about attention span but had chosen to shrug it off really. But horrifying to think it will affect her school life later on if it becomes too ingrained.

In all honesty, I personally have a problem with screens and phones. Which is why I think I know I need to nip this in the bud with her, an am
looking for ammunition. My attention span is awful, my reliance on my phone is awful, my need to have it with me everywhere is awful. I hate myself for it.

Making changes for us all, starting tomorrow.

Wish me luck with the DH, who will see it as a personal attack on his parenting, and me being my usual bossy know-it-all self!

Good luck OP - especially with DH (although I suspect there's something there for another thread...)

Which book did you read? I'd be interested in reading that myself

I generally don’t have an issue with limited screen time when watching and playing the right things, but they shouldn’t be on it every day, and definitely not for hours on end. DS is probably on his a couple of times a week, and usually for a half hour car journey or the like.

my caveat to this is letting him watch unlimited screens on our what ended up being 13 hour flight to Florida recently. But I knew he’d not be looking at any screens for a fortnight and I’m all for not making things difficult for myself!

Not judging, op. My 3 year old has TV but I have to admit, when he has too much, his behaviour is awful so we limit it.
There are studies that show too much screen time can be damaging and should not replace human / carer interaction with the child. So I do think while some iPad time is fine, hours of it at 2.5 is not.

Yes, I can see them all reaching for the smelling salts because they don’t let Ptolemy have an iPad even though he’s 20.

But in the real world this is fine, not everything is made to make children into dummies and there’s some great educational shows and apps out there!

I would echo previous poster from an educational viewpoint. I'm a primary school teacher and we see a huge issue with children who have hours of screen time a day. It's not with their educational ability (they often have good knowledge and are as intelligent as other children) but with the fact that they are so used to being spoon fed high entertainment content that they can't manage to work independently in class. Having a teacher teach them and then consolidating that learning is too boring in contrast to what they do in their leisure time. In my experience they either disengage ('it's boring' 'I don't want to' and refusal) or act up and are disruptive. It's heartbreaking and by the time they're in school it's very hard to change patterns of leisure time and screen time expectations at home. Plus parents are super touchy and feel judged.

YABU. It’s lazy parenting. It’s really not good for their developing brains.

Use proper TV, fine, but still not as much as you are, but the flashing images and constant gratification/dopamine hit of an iPad is not good for her.

LOL get a life will you

Fa rattled your cage min?

Serious question - why is TV ok to you but not iPad?

No clue what this means but there’s absolutely no need to reference my thread on someone else’s. Quite pathetic really but that’s Mumsnet for you