AIBU to let my 2 y/o watch so much iPad?

[MelroseGrainger]

I’m expecting some flames…and I will listen to it. I know it’s not great. But I’m also curious if people have non-judgemental views about iPad use?

Our DD is nearly 2.5 and watches A LOT of iPad every day. Hours of it. It’s the go-to for her otherwise very present and engaging and loving and affectionate father.

But, here’s the thing…I think she’s actually pretty advanced in language and numeracy. She can name all but 3 or 4 letters of the alphabet (which we haven’t actively taught her). She knows how to count actual objects, up to about 5 or 6 (we’ve taught her this mostly. But it’s been reinforced by YouTube videos). She knows how to say three colours in Spanish (we’ve not taught her this)

She can also now independently type in the first two or three letters of something specific she’s looking for, and choose the correct auto-suggested word from the search list.

She gets lots of other activities and time outside, lots of mummy and daddy time and crafts etc. So we’re not awful parents. I don’t think!

But interested to hear if we’re still rotting her brain and social abilities, or if she’s getting the pay off from so much learning (and evident enjoyment)

runs and ducks for cover

VAST. Sorry.

I work in a preschool and you can tell the ones who have a lot of ipad time. They struggle to listen to normal human beings who are not brightly coloured or talking in weird voices or singing. They struggle to focus on most adult led activities, especially listening on the carpet. They struggle to be self directed (have their own ideas, explore, create), they are often either adult dependent for ideas to play or they will play the same things over and over again.

Not sure how it affects brain development but 2 things stand out. 1. The addiction (iPads give off reward). If your brain gets used to that, where will it go later in life? 2. The ability to focus and maintain attention on 'normal' environments. I'll bet you my bottom dollar you will be seeking an ADHD diagnosis when she hits Y1.

Not to be critical because I used TV a fair amount when mine were young (lucky for me, we missed the iPad). Now I'm trained in early years, I wish I'd encouraged my kids more in self directed imaginative play. If you need a babysitter, I think a film particularly if it's not too cartoony is better than constant ipad interaction/ brightness. My kids used to love dinosaur 'documentaries' (from around 2!).

I know I sound like “one of those” mums when I say: she is honestly incredibly advanced in absolutely all of those things. Way more than the other toddler her age that I know.

But actually, that’s probably why we’ve been a bit lax and indulged her with the iPad too much. Because we’re already so confident about her abilities. But that doesn’t mean much if she’s going to be affected in other ways.

You’ll all be pleased to know that it’s only Day 1 of the new regime and she’s only had the iPad for about 25 minutes on total today. She didn’t bat an eyelid!

That’s despite us all being sick as dogs and barely functioning properly.

So I think we can all stop worrying now. Thanks for everyone’s input!

I’m pretty certain the kids YouTube doesn’t have porn! 🤣 Can’t even find porn on the normal version!
I think that’s a bit scaremongery TBH…
And anyway, I have lots of parental controls and pre-approved blocked content on the version she uses.

I feel the same way. Can't believe this.

You will find a brand new world of learning without a tablet. I look forward to your post in years to come that she’s Oxbridge bound.

You are my best friend from a few years ago, i wouldn't let my DD nr a digital device, she allowed full access.

Fast fwd into teenage years, her DD is really struggling, CAMPHS self harming and mine isn't, into sport, exercise, music, hiking, language, yes had a few fails but nothing beyond the pale.

I ve no evidence it made the difference (nor do i particularly care, i'm sure plenty more is in play) but my friend bitterly regrets her choices, she feels it distorted her DD development.

Your daughter would learn a lot more from you and/or your husband sitting down and playing with her toys with her. I can't imagine letting a very young child watch a tablet for any length of time.

I'll be honest . I've been guilty of this . But I don't think it's right . And I am trying to reduce it to 30 minutes a day

It absolutely does. And parental controls won’t help you.

https://www.defendyoungminds.com/post/disturbing-videos-youtube-kids

My 3yo has a tablet that she uses most days. We limit it to 45 mins a day and she plays games on it rather than watching YouTube but I really don't think the games are teaching her much if anything! It's the only time she will sit still and gives me a chance to get her sister (10mo) down for a nap without her running through and trying to get her to play 🙃😂 I wouldn't let her on for hours and hours a day but I think in moderation there isn't much of an issue - especially if she has plenty opportunities for other activities - which she does!

I’m wondering if those who never let their children watch YouTube Kids and/or TV have more than one child? If so, how do you limit screen time then? Especially with a small age gap and being alone looking after the children, do you never use technology to get the essentials (I.e caring for the other child) done? If the baby has a nappy explosion and the toddler is shouting for mummy mummy MUMMY and then the baby has a temperature and the toddler just fell on his face and is screaming constantly waking the sick baby, are you not tempted by a bit of Peppa Pig or Genevieve’s Playhouse then??

Well, look, I’m not saying caution isn’t needed when allowing children internet access, but I’m also not going to believe much that comes from the hyperbolic pearl clutching of an evangelist Christian who believes that angels told her to protect children. Buying into those sort of beliefs is just as dangerous to young minds, in my opinion.

But I do appreciate your general underlying intention to make me more cautious.

That was just the first article I found about it. There are hundreds. My daughter came across one of the horror cartoons when she was about 5. We researched and found out people were deliberately editing kids cartoons (eg Peppa Pig’s demon dentist). We’ve exercised caution since.

She was subjected to sexual harassment by a boy
in her class aged 11, so clearly not all children have parents that care what their kids are watching online.

Yes, I have 3 kids and no, I was never tempted to use technology to get the essentials done when they were babies/toddlers/pre schoolers. I mean if the baby has a nappy explosion and the toddler wants you then you just ask them to come with you and help with the nappy. If the baby has a temperature and the toddler fell on his face you cuddle them both. It's just doing what generations of human beings have done. I'm not trying to be smug, it's just if you don't use screens you don't feel the need to use screens.

@Correlation What do you think we did pre tablet? Pre constant tv? Our Dc played with toys!!!! They got on with their imagination and playing. No one had babysitting devices when my two were young. The big difference is they could just play. I never had Dc with extreme issues at the same time and did not respond to shouting. Generally never had such issues. It’s the difference between children amusing themselves for a bit and needing constant entertainment.

You said hours… I said an hour or maybe 20 mins here or there! Maybe specify what you mean! An hour or six are very different! You clearly think it’s a problem as say it’s all he does with your child. Then add the bit about glass houses.. Jeeze! Don’t ask if you don’t want to hear…

Real talk: My son has been digitally connected since he was about 4. Not to the extent that your child is, but he had a healthy usage of TV/videos and Gameboy/computers/Xbox. He also had gymnastics from age 4 to current, competitive chess from 1st grade to middle school, science olympiad, summer camps for acting, sports and art, and scouting, etc. Is your child going to benefit from being online? Somewhat. Is it all they should do every day? Absolutely not.

My son taught himself to read with his Gameboy at 4, was installing software for his teacher in 1st grade and was raid leading in MMOs by 12. We didn't use this as babysitting. He either joined us in gaming or wanted to do it, himself. What we did was actively push him toward other activities to make certain he was well rounded. We gave him options and let him choose (within reason). For instance, he didn't like soccer or football. He liked acting, but not well enough to pursue it. He liked gymnastics better than swimming. He didn't like scouting. He loved to read and bike, and also occasionally now runs marathons or plays squash.

He had to have his homework done and turned in on time, had to get enough sleep, had to go places with us and had to put down the Gameboy if we asked him to. But he was also allowed to bring it places that would be boring to him if he wanted. He was very good at self regulating, but if he hadn't been, we would have done it for him. Other activities had to come before digital media. I also forced down time on him, especially while on summer vacation. He wasn't to be on electronics because I wanted him to learn to entertain himself or just actually be bored.

My son is 26 now. He medaled in gymnastics throughout his teenage years, was nationally ranked in chess for awhile, scored very well on the ACT, went to UWC-USA (a private high school that only takes so many kids per year), earned scholarships for college and graduated with good grades. He works in teaching and as a gymnastics coach, and is happily married. He also doesn't really do gaming anymore.

Electronics aren't as bad as people will tell you they are, but you have to be reasonable with how much time children are allowed and you must police what your kid is doing/watching. You must make certain they're not using electronics to the detriment of other things in their lives and you must not use them as a substitute parent to keep your kid out of your face. If you're doing that, you're doing it wrong. Start making sure that your child is hitting all their milestones. Be sure you're spending time with your child and giving them attention. Have conversations. Give your child time away from the iPad at meals, during family activities and so they can prepare for bed. Make sure she's staying physically active and being given other activities to socialize and work on different skills.

I allow CBeebies (Peppa Pig or that Andy bloke) but absolutely no tablets or interactive screens, we don’t even own one.

I think there’s a difference between tv and tablets. TVs are still screens, I’m not going to pretend they’re great, but there isn’t the same exciting feedback loop that goes on with tablets - it doesn’t excite the brain as much.

I have a 4 year old and a baby. If the baby has a nappy explosion DD just watches me change him. If she was nagging at me and wouldn’t stop pulling at my arm, I would just put her behind the stair gate until I had finished. I just settle him by walking him up and down while she plays with her toys. These things all teach patience. Women managed just fine with multiple kids before screens.

Absolutely we did. Children played and used imagination.

My nephew would NEED his iPad for dinnertime. His eyes would be glued to the screen and he'd tilt his head a little so someone can drop some food into his mouth.

He finds saying no to almost anything a real struggle.

the ipad isn’t great but honestly: this is a MUCH bigger issue in anyone who’s a parent.

WHO only recommends 1 hour per day. She could learn reading, numbers etc much more effectively with you in person. And I’d be very worried about how sedentary she is being during those hours.

My 2.5 year old has her own phone 😂 keeps her entertained, I can work from home peacefully. She learns a lot of it

This is awful!