AIBU to let my 2 y/o watch so much iPad?

[MelroseGrainger]

I’m expecting some flames…and I will listen to it. I know it’s not great. But I’m also curious if people have non-judgemental views about iPad use?

Our DD is nearly 2.5 and watches A LOT of iPad every day. Hours of it. It’s the go-to for her otherwise very present and engaging and loving and affectionate father.

But, here’s the thing…I think she’s actually pretty advanced in language and numeracy. She can name all but 3 or 4 letters of the alphabet (which we haven’t actively taught her). She knows how to count actual objects, up to about 5 or 6 (we’ve taught her this mostly. But it’s been reinforced by YouTube videos). She knows how to say three colours in Spanish (we’ve not taught her this)

She can also now independently type in the first two or three letters of something specific she’s looking for, and choose the correct auto-suggested word from the search list.

She gets lots of other activities and time outside, lots of mummy and daddy time and crafts etc. So we’re not awful parents. I don’t think!

But interested to hear if we’re still rotting her brain and social abilities, or if she’s getting the pay off from so much learning (and evident enjoyment)

runs and ducks for cover

She can walk to and from the shop or park (about a mile and half in total probably - don’t know if that’s as far as her peers do?), her imagination is great as far as I know: she plays “shop” with me, pretends to be a doctor, pretends to be a monster, pretends she’s selling me ice cream or making me soup! Lots of imaginative play, and she describes it all to me in full sentences.

She loves her scooter and climbing everything. She would love to have a go on a bike but she doesn’t have one yet.

She loves to sing nursery rhymes and dance as well. She’s defitnley not neglected!

but I do hear you all. It’s not good for her. I think I just need extra incentive and evidence to have the chat with her father as we curtail it.

I know that you shouldn't have to help your h but have you considered brainstorming together and coming up with specific tasks that they can do together? For example she can probably help cook meals like breakfast and lunch. For example if you have toast she can pop a slice in the toaster and press the button or she can put a tea bag into the mug or the filling into a sandwich. 2.5 year olds are often happy to help with household chores. She can sort out the cutlery from the dishwasher or help sort the laundry. She'd probably enjoy being handed a sponge to clean the car or do the food shop with him. He could give her a list to hold and have her help point out where items are.

Yes, we do that too. Every day.

The guidelines in the USA - which isn't a country I associate with particularly high standards - is an hour max a day until age 6. There are certainly days my DC have done more at that age, but it's the exception not the rule.

Is he also watching it with her?

What is she watching?

What's her posture like while she watches?

I think it really impacts attention especially if short, fast paced videos. You could try some older TV shows which are generally slower, eg sesame street from the 70s.

Kids that age are so soooo easy to entertain in hindsight. They don't need screens for hours (no kids do, to be fair)

She sounds fine, but you're right to think about curtailing it.

Sorry but my view is that this is lazy parenting and is probably effecting your child's development. I'm astounded by the amount of kids I see on their devices in all sorts if scenarios, not interacting or playing. Just sat staring at a screen.
I also think that leaving the volume up in public places is super rude and annoying but that's another issue.

There is increasing concern that smartphone, internet and social media use are damaging adults' attention spans, mental health and ability to be present and interact fully with the world and people around them, never mind 2 year-olds'. Using devices a lot from such an early age cannot be a good idea.

@Fairislefandango - a very good point - why more and more schools are banning phones.

My DH plays with the smartmax mega ball run with my son. Is this something they might enjoy together? Building magnetic tiles creations is also something they like or duplo. Certainly the more role type play and arts and crafts would not be my DH thing.

Nobody my age had iPads for learning as a toddler yet we all managed to learn the alphabet, colours, numbers etc. So that isn't really an advantage.
But the possibly disadvantages such as inability to pay attention, lack of creativity, social skills, emotional regulation might not become apparent until older then it's too late. Their brains are being primed at this age for what skills they will need when older.

Yes, that’s a good point actually. I enjoy doing the things I do with her whether or not she’s with me. Whereas he wouldn’t.
need to find more things that will engage him as much as her (without me feeling like im
parenting TWO toddlers!) 🤦‍♀️

Just dinna feed her nik naks and you’ll be arite.

You say hours? Yes that’s too much! My 5 year old has an hour in the morning as he wakes really early then maybe 20 mins here or there between going out to the park/beach/zoo etc or we play Lego/puzzles/do colouring. It’s lazy parenting on your husbands part!!

Argh! I grew up on Nik Naks! Maybe that’s why I’m such a bad parent now…

Well that’s probably not that much less than she gets on a good day, actually. But that all
adds up to hours! So maybe those in glass houses, and all that…….

If her dad is taking her out and doing lots outside, I don't understand why he feels he has to DO something with her indoors too.

As long as she has age-appropriate toys, he can just let her be. He gets on with whatever he's doing, and she either "helps' (as helpful as a 2 year old can be, but they tend to be good at tidying and dusting 😂), or she just plays with her toys near him.

There's really no need for tablets at that age.

This

True, but she now asks for it, and he gives it to her. He finds saying no to almost anything a real struggle. He does say no to things when it’s really important, and follows through on it, but for everything else he’s a pushover. And the trouble is he doesn’t see the iPad as that problematic. So it’s an easy “yes” for him.

Now waiting for someone to say “you don’t have an iPad problem, you have a DH problem”!
😄

It's good that she's not a physically unfit couch potato as a result of the hours of iPad.

to be honest, as I said, that was the first reason I banned tablets and screen for my little ones, could't be bothered to deal with arguing about it 😂.

Ipad can get broken or lost, if it's not there, she will be disappointed at first, but she'll get over it. If he struggles to say "no", he can say he can't.

No one need to, youve recognized it for yourself

OP it’s social development that will be affected not really academic. All the time she’s on a screen she is not interacting with others, not looking at and learning about the world around her, the people in it, how to play, converse.
that bombardment of visual stimulation will also affect her ability to concentrate and focus for longer periods on more mundane tasks.

Honestly? Screens, especially small screens where you are touching and interacting, are really, really addictive.

Try and do 48 hours without it and see how DC reacts - you'll be horrified.

We had a phase where one DC was ill in hospital and we were kind of in chaos and screens took over a bit, and it was a horrendous period getting rid. Both DC behaviour and attention span were poor. They would parrot bits of "learning" from various apps & programs but seemed totally unable to manage where no screen was involved.

Im now pretty strict on screens. Its hard to eliminate entirely - school are using tablets etc, tennis coach will suggest DC watch a bit of Wimbledon & rugby coach giving stickers to anyone knowing scores of 6 nations games etc, but we restrict heavily mon- fri, especially game based activities.

I think he needs to go cold turkey on this. If he can't say no then I'd hide it so he can't give in. That way he'll have to find other ways to occupy her or help her learn to occupy herself.