AIBU to let my 2 y/o watch so much iPad?

[MelroseGrainger]

I’m expecting some flames…and I will listen to it. I know it’s not great. But I’m also curious if people have non-judgemental views about iPad use?

Our DD is nearly 2.5 and watches A LOT of iPad every day. Hours of it. It’s the go-to for her otherwise very present and engaging and loving and affectionate father.

But, here’s the thing…I think she’s actually pretty advanced in language and numeracy. She can name all but 3 or 4 letters of the alphabet (which we haven’t actively taught her). She knows how to count actual objects, up to about 5 or 6 (we’ve taught her this mostly. But it’s been reinforced by YouTube videos). She knows how to say three colours in Spanish (we’ve not taught her this)

She can also now independently type in the first two or three letters of something specific she’s looking for, and choose the correct auto-suggested word from the search list.

She gets lots of other activities and time outside, lots of mummy and daddy time and crafts etc. So we’re not awful parents. I don’t think!

But interested to hear if we’re still rotting her brain and social abilities, or if she’s getting the pay off from so much learning (and evident enjoyment)

runs and ducks for cover

Which book did you read? I'd be interested in reading that myself.

It's called Stolen Focus and it's by Johann Hari.

Yes, I can see them all reaching for the smelling salts because they don’t let Ptolemy have an iPad even though he’s 20.

Except that nobody on this thread has even said that a 2 year-old shouldn't have access to screens at all. But don't let the truth get in the way of a snide comment, eh?

I think the iPad is more individual and immersive. The tv you watch together and interact more plus the parent has total control.

I think it depends what they watch. My friends little boy watched a lot of pad, but it was number blocks.

He’s gifted in maths, very bright and top class for English.

If they’re watching crap, the kids who play with slime, talking back to parents etc - not so much.

I think it depends what they watch. My friends little boy watched a lot of pad, but it was number blocks.

I don't think it entirely does depend what they watch. It's not just about the content, it's about the format. As a previous poster said, kids who are used to getting everything through (often highly gamified) apps and programmes often find it hard to concentrate on anything else. Imo that is part of the problem with the Covid cohorts in schools. A worrying number of kids find ot hard to sit through a lesson in a classroom.

Yes, it reduces the ability to focus.

@Fairislefandango

i think 2 year olds shouldn’t have access to screens at all! My rule was no screens before 3. And only bits and bobs of TV after that. My 8 year old is only allowed 2 x 30 mins on Minecraft on the iPad over the weekend, and never during the week. My 5 year is allowed the same, although rarely asks for it. A bit extreme of me perhaps, but they certainly don’t lose out educationally. Let’s face it, tech is so easy to access, no one is missing out by not playing on an iPad at 2.

if I were you, I would “lose” the iPad so your DH can’t just hand it over.

You have no way of knowing if those two things are connected

I have a 2.5 year old and they get a maximum of 1hr per day.
I know this time of day (before bed) isn't recommended but I refuse to put the TV on before 5pm - because if I do, there is an almighty tantrum when I turn it off!

They have a tablet that my parents have bought them. This stays at my parents house (unless we are going on a long drive which they may need a little help being distracted!) if I bring it home, I'm sure I will pay the price!

But TV is also DH's default!

Well actually she does know- there was no nursery/school during covid. No outside influence. They wouldn’t have taught to that level at his age in any case, even if he had been going.

But by the same token you have no idea the two weren’t connected, do you.

Being gifted isn't a result of watching ipads it's something a child is born as

Do you think that pre ipads there werent children ahead of their peers when they started school?

Why would watching number blocks (I assume from the name that's something match's based) make a child top class whatever that means in English?

Early years educator here - totally agree with Brk's response - it is noticeable which children come into school with to much screen time. Levels of attention, social interaction and often language have been affected.

There are you tube videos of colours? 🤦‍♀️ And sorry but who counts/googles how many colours their child knows, at any age?

'too' much

I’d agree with you that this sounds like too much screen time. I think some is probably fine, but I’d worry about the impact on attention and behaviour if the iPad is being used for hours each day.

We’ve never had a TV at home and don’t use a tablet regularly, so it’s been kind of no screens by default for our toddler (26 months), rather than an active choice. He’s also able to count and sing the alphabet song, so I don’t think screen time is needed to encourage learning. We are thinking we might get a TV at some point in the future so he isn’t at odds with his peers.

So what does the father do all day while you DC is on the iPad?

Screens and tv are used as baby sitting. There’s little evidence young children arrive at school better ready to learn having used an iPad or screens. Language is sometimes behind and definitely concentration. Plus being able to hold a pencil and fine and gross motor skills. It’s amazing to think people now believe screen time replaces a varied diet of learning pre school. Never mind the tantrums when the screen is removed.

Sure your kid may learn the alphabet/numbers faster, but that isn’t important at this age, what you want is healthy brain growth and emotional development and hours of screentime is not going to give that.

Thus comment early on has nailed it. I find it so depressing when parents of toddlers tell me how ‘advanced’ their screen time has made them but they have almost no emotional literacy, under developed gross and fine motor skills, etc.

Anyway. OP good for you taking the comments on board and responding to everyone so politely. I will just say as someone with slightly older DC and who works with kids you wouldn’t believe the amount of behavioural problems that basically come back to screen time in later primary (no experience of teens yet so I can’t comment on that! Whole other ball game I suspect!) I really, really think you’re doing the right thing nipping it in the bud now and your later self will thank you for it.

One other thing, if your DC has the capacity to learn the colours from TV they also have the capacity learn them through books. My 22 month old knows her colours and can count to 10, which she picked up through books. Tv is never necessary for education, even if it is educational.

Yes, the attention span thing is a concern of mine. So I’m going to strongly limit her use from.

But it’s certainly never been used to replace learning of any kind. It happens in tandem with learning, and creative play, family time etc etc. And she never has a tantrum when it’s removed. She turns it off when she’s told to.

Yes, I think we (her father and I) have been making an excuse for it by saying to ourselves “but look how much she’s learning!”

I need to confront the fact that it doesn’t matter about learning those things at this age, and it’s no substitute for the damage it might be doing.

luckily, my partner agrees fully and already today we’ve made big changes. Just letting you all know that before this descends into LTB territory!

Thanks, that’s useful confirmation. Her social skills and language are definitely not affected (yet). She’s brilliant in both those areas. But attention span is a concern for me in the future.

@MelroseGrainger She might not have tantrums yet, but I’ve seen it in older DC who won’t stop gaming. I do think it replaces learning when over used. Can she hold a pencil? Turn the page of a book? Build something? Understand instructions and follow them? Engage in a conversation? Ask questions? How do you know she is doing this as well as other dc? Does she have siblings? My DC are old enough never to have had a tablet. DD1 was certainly ahead. Other dc were reading before they went to school. Definitely ahead. None had tablets. So intelligence is not helped by tablets snd you are right to reduce the time spent on it. Maybe just use it for fun. For 30 mins every so often.

Using screens like this is addictive and damaging for a very young brain. There's no real arguments for having hours of iPad time but plenty of arguments against. We are raising a generation of screen addicted children who have disordered social and communication skills and this is very, very apparent in the education system right now.

She shouldn’t be having unfettered access to YouTube. Even the kids version has porn and scary videos get through the filters. My 12 year old isn’t routinely allowed on YouTube and I’m a pretty permissive parent!

Can also lead to VEST - it’s similar to ADHD but caused by environment rather than being born with it.