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Original poster

DH dreads his day with our son?

317 replies

HJB2021 · 13/07/2023 23:05

Okay, so firstly he loves our son and adores him. I’m not hating on him. However once a week he had looks after him whilst I work, (he does shift work so works out he can do childcare once a week) he car share and I need the car for work, so they have to use to bus to get into town (it’s a 5 minute bus ride) there isn’t a huge amount to do in town, they is a small soft play and park, however DS loves to just be out and on the bus. DH always seems down when it’s his day to have DS because it’s boring going into town doing the same thing. I then feel so guilty, I want them to have a lovely day together. His argument is if he had a car he could take him to groups and do different activities, however we cannot afford another car at this time. Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed it’s such chore for him once a week?

OP posts:
BathroomOnTheRight · 14/07/2023 15:23

I think he is being extremely tight, surely it doesn't cost that much extra in petrol? For goodness sake! He's looking for an excuse. How about as a compromise; once a month, so every fourth week, he drops you to work, keeps the car, takes DS somewhere nice once a month, and picks you back up from work? If he won't even do that, he is full of shit and just making excuses, and never had any intentions to take DS somewhere different, he just doesn't want the job of childcare.

aSofaNearYou · 14/07/2023 15:24

But that's literally what you sign up for when you have kids. Your days off aren't yours any more. I'm a lone parent so all my time off consisted of being with DS, we did have chill days sometimes but staying home every single day isn't stimulating for a toddler. You do have to make an effort to do things that your kids enjoy that you might not necessarily like.

You don't all the time, though. If he's out of the house most days, he doesn't need to be out on this one.

Mamabear2424 · 14/07/2023 15:27

Cant he do something else with him, doesn't have to do into town and do same thing each week?

skyeisthelimit · 14/07/2023 15:45

His argument is ridiculous though, it would be far cheaper to do a double journey once a week than it would be to run 2 cars!

He needs to suck up the extra cost and take you to work and pick you up,

or perhaps he could get another bus somewhere else from the town he goes to?

TrustyRusty68 · 14/07/2023 15:48

Sounds like he has a problem for every solution!!

ZeroFuchsGiven · 14/07/2023 15:52

Beezknees · 14/07/2023 15:00

But that's literally what you sign up for when you have kids. Your days off aren't yours any more. I'm a lone parent so all my time off consisted of being with DS, we did have chill days sometimes but staying home every single day isn't stimulating for a toddler. You do have to make an effort to do things that your kids enjoy that you might not necessarily like.

Show quote history

You are missing the point, if Dad wants to sit and watch kids tv with him all day that is up to him, I dont believe he is doing a bus ride to town every week because he wants to, its because op is telling him to as her ds 'loves the bus'.

Like I said upthread Op is trying to micromanage, Her other thread she was annoyed because her Mum, who does childcare 2 days a week doesnt take him to baby groups etc so op feels she needs to ram in as many activities as possible for him when he is with her and is obviously trying to get her dh to do the same which really is not up to her to decide what Dad does with him in his care.

This comment says it all.

DH always seems down when it’s his day to have DS because it’s boring going into town doing the same thing. I then feel so guilty, I want them to have a lovely day together

CM1897 · 14/07/2023 15:59

HJB2021 · 13/07/2023 23:05

Okay, so firstly he loves our son and adores him. I’m not hating on him. However once a week he had looks after him whilst I work, (he does shift work so works out he can do childcare once a week) he car share and I need the car for work, so they have to use to bus to get into town (it’s a 5 minute bus ride) there isn’t a huge amount to do in town, they is a small soft play and park, however DS loves to just be out and on the bus. DH always seems down when it’s his day to have DS because it’s boring going into town doing the same thing. I then feel so guilty, I want them to have a lovely day together. His argument is if he had a car he could take him to groups and do different activities, however we cannot afford another car at this time. Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed it’s such chore for him once a week?

It sounds as though he’s just bored, rather than down. I’m sure there are other places they can go on the bus or train? Make it a bit o no more interesting for both of them. I’m legally not allowed to drive because of my epilepsy, but I take my daughters to most places no matter how far or how many trains. Just to keep life interesting. Maybe suggest that to him

CM1897 · 14/07/2023 16:02

cestlavielife · 13/07/2023 23:12

Sure he does
Then why is he so down at spending a day with him?
He should love thinking up something to do at home with him or enjoy the bus becsuse his son loves it

It’s probably the monotony of doing the same thing over and over, he just needs to use his imagination and get a bus/train somewhere else. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t adore his child, I get bored with mine sometimes, I still love them

Helsbels666 · 14/07/2023 16:07

How on earth does he think that mums(or dads) who don't drive or have a car manage on mat leave for a year, and beyond!

I've taken DS to play groups before that took us 45 mins on two buses. If you want to do something there's always ways to get there.

Or he could do some research on activities to do at home.

Its not your job to educate him on how to entertain his child. I don't think parenting comes naturally to many people but absolutely anyone can research and learn and Google how to create cheap easy activities at home.

Nellieinthebarn · 14/07/2023 16:20

Yes it can be boring parenting small children. But he is doing it one day a week. Boo Hoo poor man.

JustAnotherOpinion123 · 14/07/2023 16:20

Sorry if you've already answered this but how far away do you work OP - it sounds like it's a quite far away if you need the car and it's not feasible for him to drop you in, so if its in a different town, could they not drop you into work and have a day out in the town around your work before picking you up? Might not be feasible all the time to do it but might break up the monotony for him? Or park up and get a bus from there instead? I know they then lose the flexibility of popping home if they get fed up but hopefully in a new place they can come up with a full day of stuff to do.

Someone elses suggestion of a 2nd bus from town to somewhere new might be a good shout too.

CM1897 · 14/07/2023 16:22

Aquamarine1029 · 13/07/2023 23:46

Then tell him to stop bitching like little baby. Here's a crazy idea, maybe he could grow up and enjoy this ever-fleeting time with his child. It's one day a week. FFS. I find your husband's attitude very, very disturbing.

Show quote history

Your attitude isn’t much better, you don’t even know the guy

JustAnotherOpinion123 · 14/07/2023 16:27

JustAnotherOpinion123 · 14/07/2023 16:20

Sorry if you've already answered this but how far away do you work OP - it sounds like it's a quite far away if you need the car and it's not feasible for him to drop you in, so if its in a different town, could they not drop you into work and have a day out in the town around your work before picking you up? Might not be feasible all the time to do it but might break up the monotony for him? Or park up and get a bus from there instead? I know they then lose the flexibility of popping home if they get fed up but hopefully in a new place they can come up with a full day of stuff to do.

Someone elses suggestion of a 2nd bus from town to somewhere new might be a good shout too.

Quoting my own post but to add that the double trip may not be as feasible as it sounds - my office is an hour away so my dh driving me to the office and picking me up later would involve 4hrs of driving a day.

Might be more cost effective than buying another car but not necessarily a good use of the time spent with your ds (unless of course ds loves the car too!)

snickersontoast · 14/07/2023 16:30

In my experience this is the kind of post that would never be written about a woman.

GoodChat · 14/07/2023 16:30

Nellieinthebarn · 14/07/2023 16:20

Yes it can be boring parenting small children. But he is doing it one day a week. Boo Hoo poor man.

He's not bored about spending time with his child. He just doesn't want to go to the same location every week.

Mojoj · 14/07/2023 16:31

RoseslnTheHospital · 13/07/2023 23:12

Don't feel guilty, it's a totally normal situation and your DH is being a bit limp in not managing this for himself. You say there isn't much to do in town, but I bet there's a lot more than the obvious things. Has your DH researched about what's on? I bet there are play groups he could attend, or baby/toddler activities he could do. He could come up with a variety of activities to do, even if it's coming up with different games/activities to play in the park. I bet there are smaller local play areas around and about he could find and walk to. Is there a library? They could go and choose books, or if he's lucky they might have a baby/toddler activity on his day. So many ideas.

This. He's waiting on you coming up with a list of activities he can do with his son, preferably ones that require minimal effort on his part. Yet another lazy man wanting his partner to do all the grunt work. Go to work and let him figure it out for himself.

SideTime · 14/07/2023 16:50

ZeroFuchsGiven · 14/07/2023 06:53

Why does he have to take him out? Sounds like you fill the week taking him to groups and stuff so why cant they just chill at home/garden? Kids do not need to be entertained 24/7 with groups and classes.

I was desperate to leave the house by 9am with small children. I would have lost my mind being at home with one small child, on my own, all day. So lonely and boring. If we were at home we had friends over so the kids could play and adults chat. Otherwise we were out, in all weathers.

DH needs adult contact and can easily get this by going to library rhyme time, playgroups etc. Inexpensive and sociable for DS.

Just needs to drop OP at work and job's a good 'un.

Batalax · 14/07/2023 16:54

Do one week in town on the bus and one week sucking up the petrol cost. That way it adds a bit of variety.

ButtofaMonkey · 14/07/2023 17:08

Why does this bother you - let him decide what he wants to do, whats wrong with staying home or just going for a potter about locally?

StopGrowingPlease · 14/07/2023 17:11

One of my little ones classes is 2 bus rides away which takes about an hour and a half and we manage that 2-3 times a week 🤷‍♀️😂

oi0Y0io · 14/07/2023 17:18

if it's only a 5 minute bus ride why not walk?

LIZS · 14/07/2023 17:24

Does your town have no parent/toddler groups, activities, swimming pool perhaps further afield? Maybe he could find one, even if it required the car. How early do you leave, perhaps they could drop you go straight on to something else, even occasionally, like a petting farm.

SarahAndQuack · 14/07/2023 17:40

Lachimolala · 14/07/2023 10:01

Of course it counts.

If you don’t have a car you don’t have a car, there’s nothing more to it.

Show quote history

OK, I could have phrased it better. But if you have no need of a car to access places, it's not that relevant to complain of not having one.

NK572a3d19X11e7ef5ddf9 · 14/07/2023 17:42

Doesn't want to waste the petrol money but does want a second car??

oi0Y0io · 14/07/2023 17:46

he's just sulking because getting the bus makes him feel inferior/poor
(I speak as a non car owner)

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