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Original poster

What is going on with British kids?

1000 replies

FrenchAreDoingSomethingRight · 13/07/2023 19:41

On holiday in France. An upmarket holiday camp and we are the only British family here. It was recommended by a French friend and I didn't realise it only has French families on holiday

Dinner is set 3 course dinner. My kids are 5 and 3. My older boy has ADHD we think (referred by school), our younger one doesn't as far as we know. Both kids are trying their hardest at dinner. There is v loud music playing and the pool party bit is still open. They run off after every course for a dance. Older one tries to stand up sometimes. We have colouring in books etc. Really they're fine. At restaurants and pubs they are totally average in terms of being able to sit at the table. No screens.

Not a single French kid has done anything wrong. No screens or even colouring. They might not all be talking to their parents but every single one is sitting through the whole 90 min dinner and waiting to dance at the end. So patient.

Do no French kids have ADHD or ND? Or even just kid like and cheeky? I have always tried my best with dinner times but these kids aren't even considering running off.

What is going on???

OP posts:
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Callyem · 13/07/2023 19:46

I'm going to say it. We have lower expectations and don't enforce boundaries. I'm not commenting on my personal feelings towards enforcing said boundaries or whether or not I feel it is worthwhile, but if we did as standard, our children would also sit through a meal.

Saywhatevernow · 13/07/2023 19:49

FrenchAreDoingSomethingRight · 13/07/2023 19:41

On holiday in France. An upmarket holiday camp and we are the only British family here. It was recommended by a French friend and I didn't realise it only has French families on holiday

Dinner is set 3 course dinner. My kids are 5 and 3. My older boy has ADHD we think (referred by school), our younger one doesn't as far as we know. Both kids are trying their hardest at dinner. There is v loud music playing and the pool party bit is still open. They run off after every course for a dance. Older one tries to stand up sometimes. We have colouring in books etc. Really they're fine. At restaurants and pubs they are totally average in terms of being able to sit at the table. No screens.

Not a single French kid has done anything wrong. No screens or even colouring. They might not all be talking to their parents but every single one is sitting through the whole 90 min dinner and waiting to dance at the end. So patient.

Do no French kids have ADHD or ND? Or even just kid like and cheeky? I have always tried my best with dinner times but these kids aren't even considering running off.

What is going on???

Parents over here don’t parent anymore. Screens replace interaction.

ComtesseDeSpair · 13/07/2023 19:49

There is much less tolerance in France than in the UK of poorly behaved children, and still much more stigma than in the UK surrounding intellectual disability / special needs. Parents of children with behavioural issues are thus more likely to simply stay at home rather than go out to somewhere like a restaurant where they know the behaviour will be looked on disapprovingly, and less likely than UK parent to actively seek out diagnosis to explain behavioural problems.

Hollyhead · 13/07/2023 19:50

I agree with @Callyem we just have a different style of parenting and different boundaries. Im
not even sure it matters in the long run, you don’t see adults needing a colouring book etc!

I’ve taken a mixed approach with my DC - running around a restaurant would be a no, but a puzzle book whilst waiting would be fine, going to a dancing area while we’re eating not ok, going to investigate between courses would be fine by me. It’s good to be inquisitive and confident!

GotMooMilk · 13/07/2023 19:52

Don’t feel bad OP. If it makes you feel better one of my best friends is french, married to an English man. She moved back to the UK as her son is autistic and the looks, comments and attitude in France were unbearable for her (her words not mine!) so they ended up back in the UK.

TastesLikeStrawberriesOnASummerEvening · 13/07/2023 19:52

It sounds like the French kids aren't allowed to have fun, that's not a good thing.

explainthistomeplease · 13/07/2023 19:53

Unpopular view but I really do blame screens. My kids (now in mid twenties) were perfectly capable of sitting through a meal out from pre school age. We also expected them to do so. I'm not sure (many) parents today do.
<ducking for cover now>

Newnamenewname109870 · 13/07/2023 19:55

It sounds like the tolerance is much lower there. Not a good thing necessarily! Nd kids probably can’t go out.

LobsterCrab · 13/07/2023 19:55

There's a book about this! It's called French Children Don't Throw Food.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 13/07/2023 19:55

explainthistomeplease · 13/07/2023 19:53

Unpopular view but I really do blame screens. My kids (now in mid twenties) were perfectly capable of sitting through a meal out from pre school age. We also expected them to do so. I'm not sure (many) parents today do.
<ducking for cover now>

Mine used to have his game boy. He can still sit and behave perfectly well at the table age 29.

I would ask why the French want their children to behave like mini adults. They’re children.

Girasoli · 13/07/2023 19:55

It sounds like the French kids aren't allowed to have fun, that's not a good thing.

I think French kids are probably happier as a whole than UK kids though...whenever there are those big surveys about kids happiness/mental health the UK always seems to be near the bottom of the OECD countries.

Clymene · 13/07/2023 19:56

French kids are ruled with a fist of iron. The moment they are out of adult supervision they're absolutely bloody feral in my experience.

Wigglypasta · 13/07/2023 19:57

I was coming on to say the same as the previous poster. There are a couple of best seller books - French Kids don't Throw Food and French Parents Don't Give In!

aSofaNearYou · 13/07/2023 19:57

I once read a book called French Children Don't Throw Food which explores this, it was interesting!

AlbertaWildRose · 13/07/2023 19:57

explainthistomeplease · 13/07/2023 19:53

Unpopular view but I really do blame screens. My kids (now in mid twenties) were perfectly capable of sitting through a meal out from pre school age. We also expected them to do so. I'm not sure (many) parents today do.
<ducking for cover now>

I completely agree.

SevenKingsMustDie · 13/07/2023 19:58

LobsterCrab · 13/07/2023 19:55

There's a book about this! It's called French Children Don't Throw Food.

Just came on to say this!

Also agree with pp about lower tolerance for bad behaviour, but also lower tolerance for any disability.

Hollyhead · 13/07/2023 19:58

@explainthistomeplease I don’t entirely disagree with you, but some of your success was just luck. We had entirely the same attitude and ours couldn’t manage it until much nearer 7 and even then with a few low key things to do like colouring or a little look around the garden or something (no screens though)Now at 8 and 11 they’re really good but I do
think a lot of early can they do/not do is mostly luck based.

LacieLane · 13/07/2023 19:58

Expectation from being tiny. Engaged parents with their child. Boundaries. Manners.

gogomoto · 13/07/2023 19:58

Purely parental expectations. Nationality doesn't come into it. My kids would sit through meals without issue's because we sat at the table every day, no screens from as soon as they could sit in a high chair. My eldest has autism and got very upset at naughty children in restaurants and pubs (once I met family at a pub with a ball pond and climbing area, she was really distraught). We tended to take holidays in places we wouldn't encounter children

SunThroughTheCloudsAt6am · 13/07/2023 19:58

It's what they're used to.

My kids have been eating out since they were toddlers, they can sit for 90 minutes if need be, but TBH, if I'm out that long, I would be with other adults so they'd have their ipads (and headphones) so I can chat and they don't get bored/I don't have to tailor my conversation to little ears as much.

I'd rather not give them colouring if I'm honest - I curse whoever thought that up, crayons everywhere, or blunt pencils in a tin with no sharpener and only one red to share between 3 kids - just causes nothing but trouble.

cakeorwine · 13/07/2023 19:58

We were camping last year next to a German family. They had 4 boys. They were lovely to talk to, but those children were just like UK children. My basic German was enough for me to understand what was going on.

gogomoto · 13/07/2023 19:59

@explainthistomeplease

Same here, hadn't invented smart phones and tablets!

Hugasauras · 13/07/2023 20:00

I don't know, I don't really see the problem with young kids doing a sticker book or going to play in a play area between courses, but maybe that's the difference. I don't find those things undesirable or something to be avoided in a young child. Maybe others do and their children are parented accordingly.

stargirl1701 · 13/07/2023 20:00

Food and eating in French culture has far more importance than in the UK. It is a cultural difference. French children have this reinforced by every adult they interact with as well as through peer pressure.

This book is a good read:

https://www.waterstones.com/book/french-children-dont-throw-food/pamela-druckerman/9780552779173

Qbish · 13/07/2023 20:00

It's not the kids that are the problem in Britain. It's the parents.

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