To think this has moved into bullying territory?

[BurnsBurnsBurns]

On Tuesday I was accused of ruining a colleague’s pregnancy announcement. I of course apologised at the time but they wouldn’t let it go and started bringing up various times that I’ve apparently ruined other people’s “news”. I have spoken to my manager who has suggested I just get on with my work and let it all settle down but the atmosphere is now awful. Yesterday everyone was being really off with me all day and today I really can’t face going in. I’ve apologised, it wasn’t done on purpose or with malicious intent so AIbU to think if they continue with this it is actually verging on bullying now? I really don’t want to go in today :-(

You’re either very unaware of what’s going on around you and so are mistakenly intruding/ruining/being loud or you’re doing it on purpose. It’s very unlikely all these people have got the wrong end of the stick.

Who did you announce your house thing too? You got a text and just randomly shouted into the void? Weird - or, being aware of the pregnancy conversation, purposely intrusive. TBH, it sounds like the latter. And who tf makes such a song and dance about a wasp? I’ve taught children with serious wasp allergies. Even they don’t do melodramatic screams and draw attention to themselves like this.

Either join in with the office chat in a mature, socially aware way, or keep yourself to yourself, sit quietly and stop the drama and attention-seeking.

It’s impossible to say if it’s bullying because if you do steal the lime light at every chance you should expect an awful atmosphere at work. I would just get on with your job, keep to yourself, don’t get involved in conversation. Hopefully in a few months it will be forgotten.

If your co workers don’t want you involved in personal aspects of their life or to socialise with you outside work you will just have to accept it. That’s not bullying, that’s consequences for your actions. The manager isn’t going to step in.

I'm trying to imagine a job where these intricate prolonged interactions are even possible. What on earth do you do? I imagine a bunch of people trapped in a very small space with hardly anything to do.

Stop over-apologising. Brisk smile, "That was silly of me. I'm over the moon for you!" Then focus on work, wear headphones "to help you focus" and work on meeting and exceeding your targets.

Don't bring it up with your manager again. It's not bullying, it's just a bunch of bored people.

This indicates to me a lack of basic social skills. Why on earth would you say to someone excited about their holiday that your experience was awful?- thats just not a nice thing to do. So what?- just because you had a bad time, doesnt mean they will. Your examples indicate that you are a real party pooper and it comes across as if its all about you. How would you feel if you told someone about your house and they said "I'd never move there- its a bad area and I had a horrible experience there"?- how does that make you feel?- get it now?

Having an offer accepted on a house isn't really news for work, it's a small step to buying. But then again pregnancy announcements at work are pretty weird too. Pregnancy needs to be communicated because risk assessments etc and eventual planning workload changes, but an announcement is just awkward- it's work, not a family party, I literally wouldn't know what to say to someone who was that over personal at work either. It does make it sound like a very young and casual environment.

Good grief, you sound worse than my 5 yr old. In case you’ve never been told, when someone else is speaking you sit quietly, listen and then add your own thoughts, after they’ve finished! If there’s a wasp you walk away calmly, if you get a message you wait until after they’ve finished to check it. Don’t speak constantly about yourself, it’s boring. Why a grown woman doesn’t realise this is beyond me…

We had one of these in a place I used to have a desk and had to attend once or twice a week.

Every time other people were having a conversation she would yelp loudly about something else to take the attention away from whatever conversation was going on.

Very annoying.

OP was sat on her own, not part of the pregnancy talk group. Should she just sit there in silence staring at something every time there's a group nearby talking about something? That would be a lot weirder and socially awkward.

There are a lot of big announcements at your work?! Don't these pieces of news generally just filter out throughout colleagues.

Strange all round but yes you have form, it's been noticed by many - check yourself in future and make big amend with pregnant colleague as a PP said.

How did you ruin it?? Have you got form for it??

If there is a conversation going on that you aren’t taking part in, no you shouldn’t interrupt their conversation by shouting something random at them.

I tell my six year old off for interrupting conversations and not waiting his turn. It would be extremely irritating in a coworker.

This Happened Tuesday. You've been in work 2 days since and already reported this to your manager. I think you're being a bit hasty. Which is a similar trait to then dramatics your colleagues have accused you of.

One way or another, you've got 2 choices. Go into work or don't. If you don't, what are you going to do?

If you go into work, then keep your head down apart from the usual niceties such as good morning and would anyone like a cup of tea while I'm making one. It'll blow over as long as you take some thought about how you react when others are enjoying the temporary spotlight.

If the atmosphere continues for another week or more, then maybe ask your manager for advice. Don't raise it as bullying just yet, it's far too premature.

I'm afraid I am with with the majority OP. I do think it sounds like there is value in what is being said about you. Is there any chance you may be ND? It something I see in my family members who are.

You see your reaction one way, everyone else sees it another. If you couldn’t hear what they were saying in the other group, you must have been quite loud to have ruined their moment.
I do understand the excitement of having an offer accepted on a house.
It was very poor form to give someone going on holiday advice about something negative.
You seem to be missing social cues, perhaps there is a reason for that.
For you to have read the room and see it as bullying seems to me that you are incapable of seeing things from other’s viewpoints. You could have reflected, and thought that whilst you don’t agree with their opinions that you make a situation about you, you’ve upset people. Keep your head down and go to work. Don’t be looking too woe is me either!

If multiple people are telling you this then its you. Sorry, but it is. If it was one person moaning then maybe its because they just dont click with you but if lots of people are saying it, then why not take this feedback on the chin and self reflect a little? They are probably fed up of it because its a repeated pattern of your behaviour, not one incident where you got freaked out by a wasp. From what you've said, this has happened multiple times and it IS irritating.

Pregnancy has to be mentioned at work due to risk assessments, consideration of shifts etc, an offer on a house does not. I am guessing your phrase "announcement" is also OTT. I highly doubt this person came in with a trumpet and called everyone into a meeting to "announce" her pregnancy like a newsreader announcing the birth of the heir to the throne. How can it have been an "announcement" anyway if you were just sitting down not aware of the conversation?

It’s one of those situations which is difficult to judge properly.
It could be that there’s a hint of bullying starting or it could be that you are annoying and not very self-aware and have had a put down which has upset you.
Go in to work OP. Keep your head down but remain polite and smiley when people talk to you. Listen to what they say rather than risk talking over them. Remember you are there to quietly get on with your work. Nothing else.
When the opportunity arises, apologise sincerely to the person (not to the whole group) whose pregnancy news was interrupted by your house news.
Hopefully it will settle down quickly. But if it doesn’t, make quick notes of what you see as bullying incidents and when you are sure that’s what it is, take your evidence back to your manager.

Goodness me! I would hate to work in a place where colleagues 'announce' their pregnancies and expect a round of applause, or are chastised because they stole someone else's thunder. It is a workplace, not a playground.

I would ignore the comments, get on with your work, and try to keep your personal life out of the workplace (your colleagues should do the same).

The etiquette behind announcing pregnancies is also questionable. We might tell our close friends the good news, but there could be others who are indifferent to the news or who may even be triggered by it. Why should the whole office need to know?

Perhaps the thing that really makes me shudder about this incident is the fact that the 'gang' of colleagues then started to bring up every little incident in which the OP had 'spoiled' someone's news. What a horrible, toxic, time-wasting environment!

What a load of fuss about pregnancy announcement!
'Ruining suprises' is just ridiculous.

Why why why couldn’t you just not look at your phone for a few minutes while she made her announcement!!!

Your colleagues sound very sensitive.

It’ll blow over OP. Just ignore their behaviour and get on with your work. And in future try and think more carefully about your reactions in certain situations.

‘Another example was someone talking about where they were going on holiday and I’d apparently ruined that by talking about a bad experience I had in that country (I wasn’t the only one yet I’m the only one being pulled up for it) ‘

I really dislike it when people do stuff like this. What’s the point? It isn’t helpful and it takes the edge off someone’s enjoyment. I never understand why people do this. I certainly wouldn’t.

according to you?

Bunch of flowers and abject apology.

I wouldn’t go that far. She’s done something to annoy someone. That’s all. It does sound like the peeved colleague has been stirring.

I agree with the manager. Just keep your head down and ignore until it blows over.

Agree.

It sounds like a horribly gossipy, bitchy workplace.

And a "pregnancy announcement" at work? Really?