To think this has moved into bullying territory?

[BurnsBurnsBurns]

On Tuesday I was accused of ruining a colleague’s pregnancy announcement. I of course apologised at the time but they wouldn’t let it go and started bringing up various times that I’ve apparently ruined other people’s “news”. I have spoken to my manager who has suggested I just get on with my work and let it all settle down but the atmosphere is now awful. Yesterday everyone was being really off with me all day and today I really can’t face going in. I’ve apologised, it wasn’t done on purpose or with malicious intent so AIbU to think if they continue with this it is actually verging on bullying now? I really don’t want to go in today :-(

It’s not bullying. They are reacting to your inappropriate social behaviour and showing you that they don’t want to deal with that going forward.

IF this is real then yes you sound very annoying. The fact you think they are bullying you however speaks volumes. You are clearly self centered and have a victim mentality.

Reflect and work on that and stop feeling sorry for yourself.

I had thought at first that you ruined the announcement by letting the others know about her pregnancy before she did: i.e. betrayed a confidence. If it had been that, then it would have been fairly unforgivable of you.

The actual fact seems much more trivial. It somewhat depends on the circumstances - if it was a formal announcement, then it was very rude of you to be on your phone at all. If she was mentioning it casually to some others, and you happened to speak too loudly in the background, well, not ideal, but not a crime.

I think it is understandable for them to ask you not to do so again, but if they are harping on every past occasion (unless these were all very recent), when you may have offended them, that seems rather mean. Is it one person (presumably the one who is pregnant), in which case it's unpleasant, but not really bullying; or are lots of people ganging up, in which case it's closer to bullying?

In any case, I think your manager probably has the best advice and you should follow it.

The fact that you think this is bullying says everything here, please do as your manager says and get on with your work quietly

People 'announce' their pregnancy at work? Doesn't it sort of just become knowledge without a formal
Announcement. Certainty does at my work.

Sorry, but you have irritated and upset them on more than one occasion by overreacting. Let it blow over, don’t confirm their belief you overreact to everything. And don’t teach someone to suck eggs on holiday.

You probably don’t even realise you’re doing it but if this has happened often enough for people to comment then it’s clearly a bit of a pattern. Maybe you learnt it from someone else in your family but people don’t like it.

It’s probably not only the inappropriateness of responding (presumably in a fairly small group) to someone saying “I’m having a baby” by saying “Yes! My offer’s been accepted!” (Rather than say, “congratulations!”). It’s the fact that you either weren’t listening or didn’t care that someone else was sharing something really important to them and decided it was the right moment to check your phone and talk over them. Adults usually wait their turn to share news.

Along with the wasp and the other examples I think it sounds like your colleagues are doubly hurt: by you ignoring nice things that are happening to them (you don’t have to have a party or anything but just take two seconds to listen and smile or say something nice), AND by the appearance that you want to make a loud noise/ruin other people’s moments. I think you just need to be a bit more self aware and watch yourself when this happens next time.

I have a friend of a friend who is like this to a chronic degree, highlight was when mutual friend announced an incredible job and friendofafriend at that very moment “fainted” ie unconvincingly slumped to the ground.

Hmm. Are you quite a loud member of the team? It could come across as attention seeking when someone else is in the limelight. I think buy everyone a box of chocolates, say you’re working on it - and maybe think before reacting. If a wasp comes along, nip off to the toilet and have a scream…

To be honest, you do sound a bit annoying.

Yea it was a conversation going on in the background. There were 5 people talking about it, I was sat a bit further away eating my lunch and on my phone. I wasn’t involved in the conversation.

Are these the only examples OP or have there been more incidents? What is the time frame? All in one month would look/seem worse compare to over several months or even years. Have there been other good news shared where you reacted appropriately?

Tbh, I don't see any of the examples as that bad or even worthy of grovelling and apologising, so I can't decide whether it's you or them. Over the years all of these and more have happened in our staff room , because we're people, not robots.

If the colleague was that upset she should've talked to you , or if really necessary involved your manager. What she shouldn't be doing is talk negatively about you and try to turn others against you. If that's what's happening, then I don't blame you for involving your manager.

Oh god I work with someone like this. She’s an absolute nightmare.

everytime someone else has something exciting going on she’s there with something better/news of her own. It’s exhausting.

Then I really don't see the problem.
Congratulations on having your offer accepted on a house.

When you say they were being off with you, what do you mean? Perhaps you’re just imagining it. But if any sort of social ostracism carries on, yes it would class as work place bullying and you should approach HR. It doesn’t matter if Tracey from Wigan on MN thinks you’re hitler or not.

Your office sounds weird though, all these people standing up and demanding the attention of the entire office to announce things like a pregnancy or a new job. Fucking hell the dramatics of it all, I couldn’t be fashed with that.

You weren’t being helpful. You were shitting on her news.

You can help your reaction, you’re a grown adult.

Pay more attention.

Oh dear OP you do sound annoying! Do you have an issue with attention? ADHD? All that unfiltered blurting out is a bit odd.
Twice. Twice she has done this. In how many years? And you’re trying to diagnose her with ADHD… fuck my life this site gets worse on the daily.

I think it's possibly bullying. It sounds like you are maybe a bit socially awkward and others are picking on that and punishing you for it.

You maybe react more loudly and noticeable than you realise but they seem entirely lacking in any understanding of why that might be.

You all sound absolutely crackers with all these formal announcements amongst your colleagues but screaming and shouting because you’ve seen a wasp is absolutely idiocy and you need to grow up, regardless of your phobia. You absolutely CAN control that.

Then why were you shouting about your house, if you weren’t even part of the conversation? Were you just shouting your news to the wider office?

If so, maybe don’t? I wouldn’t want colleagues shouting random announcements across the room, really disruptive when you are trying to work.

regarding the wasp, I have a genuine phobia since childhood, I can’t help my reaction to them.

You very much can help your reaction. I have a genuine phobia of dogs but if someone walked into my office with one, I'd very quietly walk out to another room, or sit in the toilet or something. I'd do it in such a way to draw the least amount of attention to myself. Lots of people have a phobia of spiders - if they all did what you did every time they saw a spider in the office, it would be chaos, but they don't do they? Because over the years, they've learned to deal with it in a controlled manner. You need to do the same.

If it isn't your news to share dont share it.

But who were you shouting your house news out to? That sounds a bit odd tbh. Congratulations by the way, it is fabulous news and I’d be pleased for someone at work in your position, tempered by annoyance if I was having a conversation with several other people about something important to them.
Enthusiastic, bubbly people are fab - a workplace should have a mix of personalities or it would be boring, but it’s better if social cues are read and that enthusiasm springs out in the right place.

This!

What does this have to do with this situation?