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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this has moved into bullying territory?

808 replies

BurnsBurnsBurns · 13/07/2023 06:18

On Tuesday I was accused of ruining a colleague’s pregnancy announcement. I of course apologised at the time but they wouldn’t let it go and started bringing up various times that I’ve apparently ruined other people’s “news”. I have spoken to my manager who has suggested I just get on with my work and let it all settle down but the atmosphere is now awful. Yesterday everyone was being really off with me all day and today I really can’t face going in. I’ve apologised, it wasn’t done on purpose or with malicious intent so AIbU to think if they continue with this it is actually verging on bullying now? I really don’t want to go in today :-(

OP posts:
Fab973 · 13/07/2023 07:16

You aren’t reflecting you are making excuses

TBH you sound super loud and annoying.

I would be annoyed with you

gangdangit · 13/07/2023 07:18

God, your office sounds like hard work...and like facebook. These types of politics always seem to happen in female dominated workplaces too.

Why are people making announcements? Really weird. Or is she just telling a colleague the news and you're nearby? If so, they sound just as narcissistic.

But yeah, "toppers" as I call them are annoying as hell. Always trying to top your story. Bad form telling someone bad stuff about a location they are going to, I would save that for when they're back and you can see what their experience was like compared to yours.

AngryGreasedSantaCatcus · 13/07/2023 07:19

Btw I did work with someone who was a bit of twat. The issue was that no one would tell her or involved management, but instead they'd whisper and gossip and turn people against her , including staff that had nothing to do with her. It did become bullying, and management took it seriously then more whispered complaints about how they're up her ass and she's so special and protected. They honestly couldn't see that their behaviour was just as bad, if not worse.

Jigslaw · 13/07/2023 07:19

It does sound like an exhausting place to work, announcing random stuff and then getting annoyed if everyone doesn't react as they think they should. That said there does seem to be a pattern of you making these things about yourself and can see why that's annoying. Maybe just try a bit harder to be mindful? Your boss is right though I'm sure it will blow over.

PerspiringElizabeth · 13/07/2023 07:19

I was sat a bit further away eating my lunch and on my phone. I wasn’t involved in the conversation.

So how did they hear you talking about your offer being accepted unless you were being loud, which you said you weren’t? You were sat away from the pregnancy announcement. If you couldn’t hear the pregnancy announcement, how could they hear you, unless you WERE being loud??

Unfortunately one way or another you’ve got yourself a reputation and will need to be a bit more aware going forward if you don’t like it.

Wasp reactions like that are always so so irritating and unnecessary I’m afraid.

GrapeHyacinth · 13/07/2023 07:20

It sounds like you are a bit noisy when you blurt things out if they are complaining about you shouting and screaming. So maybe try and tone it down

Naunet · 13/07/2023 07:22

I’ve never worked anywhere that someone would ‘announce’ their pregnancy and expect everyone else to stop work, listen intently and certainly not check their phone! It’s work, not a friendship group, I can’t imagine it being appropriate, unless maybe it’s a tiny office with only a few staff?

marcopront · 13/07/2023 07:23

@BurnsBurnsBurns

Yea it was a conversation going on in the background. There were 5 people talking about it, I was sat a bit further away eating my lunch and on my phone. I wasn’t involved in the conversation.

How did your reaction disturb then, if you didn't shout?
How did they even know you had reacted?

ReaIIyThough · 13/07/2023 07:24

The examples you have given do make it sound like you keep interrupting big things. It comes across like you don't care at all about your colleagues. But for them to still all not be talking to you is pathetic. It sounds like a toxic place to work all round.

BethDuttonsTwin · 13/07/2023 07:24

You sound irritating tbh. However I am finding that intensive social punishment is becoming more and more normalised. We are learning to do it on social media and it’s spilling over into real life.

Apologise in a straightforward and genuine way, say “I see how irritating it was” then keep your head down and move on. People can’t keep shaming/punishing you if you don’t let them.

AnneLovesGilbert · 13/07/2023 07:26

Naunet · 13/07/2023 07:22

I’ve never worked anywhere that someone would ‘announce’ their pregnancy and expect everyone else to stop work, listen intently and certainly not check their phone! It’s work, not a friendship group, I can’t imagine it being appropriate, unless maybe it’s a tiny office with only a few staff?

Announcing a pregnancy is weird but screaming about having your offer accepted at work is normal?

ArthurPoppy · 13/07/2023 07:26

she sounds overly sensitive but also maybe your understanding of social queues need a bit of work as such behaviour, although unintentional can be irritating and antisocial. Aim to listen more closely to others and for reactions/responses to include a warm natured question posed to the person … ‘are you planning to sightsee while there’ or ‘congratulations, when’s the due date’. This shows you’re interested in what they have to say

TimesRwo · 13/07/2023 07:27

Telling your colleagues that you’re pregnant is a pregnancy announcement. Only on MN is that criticised as “urgh, really, an announcement” as though the person in question has called a company meeting to announce it and people should really not say a word as colleagues observe their growing bump and question it.

You sound really self centred OP. All your posts just come across as excuses. It’s not bullying when people are fed up of your behaviour.

LadyMcLadyface · 13/07/2023 07:27

Wow these replies are harsh. If it wasn't a formal announcement then why does everyone in the office have to speak in hushed tones while colleague announces her pregnancy to a small group of people? Re. the wasp I also have a phobia so totally understandable, you can't always control your reaction if you're terrified. Your colleagues sound really petty and childish tbh.

Steelyblue · 13/07/2023 07:28

oakleaffy · 13/07/2023 07:01

Did you also visit the Sistine Chapel, OP?

Show quote history

😂😂😂😂 I'd forgotten about that!

ShiteRider · 13/07/2023 07:28

People seem to be describing your behaviour in a way which makes it sound a bit OTT and distracting but you don’t seem to see that.

The way that you’ve described it is almost as though you have no filter. You can choose to change that if it’s causing you problems, just like you can choose to control your fear of wasps if it’s causing you problems.

Meeting · 13/07/2023 07:28

You sound like a bloody pain to be honest. You make everything about you.

MushMonster · 13/07/2023 07:29

Go to work.
Actually, do some work.
Do, actually, listen to your colleagues.
Do not shout random announcements around the room at work! I mean, people could be on the phone to a customer or supplier! Or announcing a life changing event, much much much much much much more important than a house.

femfemlicious · 13/07/2023 07:30

Try to calm down @BurnsBurnsBurns . Its weird to just shout out about the house randomly like that .

Coleslawclara · 13/07/2023 07:30

Sounds to me like colleagues are looking for reasons to have a go. Who announces a pregnancy at work anyway? If you weren’t part of the conversation in the first place, how were you to know you were interrupting anything? I’d have run from the wasp too - again, most people wouldn’t hold that against you. Holiday stuff is by the by. They sound nasty, OP.

AmaraTamara · 13/07/2023 07:31

I read your posts op. They're gossiping about stupid trivial things. If they're making you hear and see them doing do, yes I'd consider this bullying. I'd personally go confront, and be ok with not being "friends "anymore. Or the other trick is to laugh at it yourself, make it light, and show them you aren't in the slightest affected or taking them seriously. Don't show weakness is the common denominator between these strategies, bullies love bullying more if you do. Good luck.

AmaraTamara · 13/07/2023 07:31

*doing so

Sapphire387 · 13/07/2023 07:32

BurnsBurnsBurns · 13/07/2023 06:18

On Tuesday I was accused of ruining a colleague’s pregnancy announcement. I of course apologised at the time but they wouldn’t let it go and started bringing up various times that I’ve apparently ruined other people’s “news”. I have spoken to my manager who has suggested I just get on with my work and let it all settle down but the atmosphere is now awful. Yesterday everyone was being really off with me all day and today I really can’t face going in. I’ve apologised, it wasn’t done on purpose or with malicious intent so AIbU to think if they continue with this it is actually verging on bullying now? I really don’t want to go in today :-(

I don't think I would call it 'bullying', no. It sounds like there is a persistent pattern of you being insensitive and annoying people. I would give it more time and just settle down and concentrate on your work.

Naunet · 13/07/2023 07:33

AnneLovesGilbert · 13/07/2023 07:26

Announcing a pregnancy is weird but screaming about having your offer accepted at work is normal?

Show quote history

Is it?! Is that what you’re claiming, because I didn’t, did I?

I don’t know though, I guess I’ve seen people blurt things out in the office before, just the idea of expecting everyone’s undivided attention whilst making a none work related speech is bizarre to me.

ThursdaysWoman · 13/07/2023 07:33

OP, do your colleagues behave like they think everyone at work should be a family? To me they sound like they’re policing your behaviour the way some sisters or brothers might police a younger sibling.

In a workplace where people are turning up to do the job and know their colleagues aren’t their best friends you wouldn’t see this kind of behaviour. Your manager must feel exhausted by it. Why do your colleagues need so much validation from you? That is weird.

If I were you I would just go grey rock on them. Don’t share personal news. Be a colleague of mystery. Focus on your work and use breaks to get some fresh air and exercise.

I actually registered with Mumsnet just to leave this comment as I wasn’t happy with how many commenters condemned you.