To think this has moved into bullying territory?

[BurnsBurnsBurns]

On Tuesday I was accused of ruining a colleague’s pregnancy announcement. I of course apologised at the time but they wouldn’t let it go and started bringing up various times that I’ve apparently ruined other people’s “news”. I have spoken to my manager who has suggested I just get on with my work and let it all settle down but the atmosphere is now awful. Yesterday everyone was being really off with me all day and today I really can’t face going in. I’ve apologised, it wasn’t done on purpose or with malicious intent so AIbU to think if they continue with this it is actually verging on bullying now? I really don’t want to go in today :-(

Since when do adults complain at work that their colleagues ruin their news! Is this for real?

All sounds incredibly childish and tedious to me. I think your boss is tight; get on with your work and rise above it. And just try to avoid personal conversations with these people if possible.

Glad I'm not the only one who had this thought process.

We have a busy staff room and there will be pickets of conversations and news sharing and often 2-3 announcements will come out in those private conversations and then spread round and everyone is pleased for everyone else.

"News" top trumps is so high school 🙄

I'd be really pissed off if I was excited about a holiday and someone started talking about their bad experience there. What did you hope to achieve from that other than make them feel like shit?

Not nice at all.

If I'm understanding correctly it wasn't a pregnancy announcement to the office it was friends talking in the break room. From the sound of it op was sat on her own and they were talking separately. Op yelled out to probably get attention and was totally oblivious to the pregnancy talk. She had no one to share her good news with so forced it on others, it is rude however it doesn't mean there is or isn't bullying going on.

Glad you said that. Thought it was just me as I’m old and no one’s been pregnant in my workplace for years! Not only has she announced her pregnancy but now thinks the announcement has been ruined is even stranger. This office seems really immature.

Learn from this. Your office is clearly quite an intense environment where Big News is shared and taken seriously. Try and learn the culture and be more receptive to others.

If they continue being off with you then yes that could be the start of bullying. They may not like your behaviour but need to let it go.

My teen daughter has a wasp phobia. I am working with her to manage her screaming behaviour. I understand she is scared but she can’t keep screeching and almost running into the road if she sees one in a bush. She is slowly learning to keep calm and move away. As an adult I would expect a degree of control over the reaction to wasps, even though the fear is genuine.

I really dislike it when people do stuff like this. What’s the point? It isn’t helpful and it takes the edge off someone’s enjoyment. I never understand why people do this. I certainly wouldn’t

But presumably you don’t throw a tantrum if it does happen? People can be low key annoying. As an adult have to learn to deal with it.
This Everyone’s Mad At You Now business belongs in the playground not the workplace.

Really? So women shouldn’t ever tell colleagues they’re pregnant.

Because OP didn’t say a company meeting had been called about it - instead 5 people were talking about it and she interrupted them.

@CecilyP yes. They all sound like they need to grow up.

Exactly this - only on MN is a woman talking about her pregnancy called an announcement and condemned. Indeed, a woman simply being excited about her pregnancy is condemned!

I don't think any of the things you've done or said are bad on their own but there's a few of them and now your coworkers see you a certain way. It's not bullying to be annoyed with you so I'd keep my head down and it will blow over, if they think you're complaining to the manager it will get worse so don't say anything to them. And in future be a bit more aware of other people's feelings?

Well it sounds like you've got a reputation for drawing attention onto yourself from others, whether justified or not.

The solution is to learn from this, go in and get
on with your work, and be more self aware.

Bad Reputations are very easy to acquire and hard to shift, so you'll have to really make the effort over a long long time.

Definitely do go into work, and as your manager has suggested, just get on with it. This will blow over.

Have a think about what has been said and see if there is something you can learn from it. Everything that comes into your head does not need to come out of your mouth.

In the case of the person talking about their upcoming holiday, for example, you probably meant to be helpful. But ask yourself was that the right time to say something negative when the other person was excited about their plans?

Maybe the colleague who told you about the various times you have apparently tried to be centre of attention, has been storing this up for a while. If the air doesn't clear between you, and there's an ongoing bad atmosphere, that might be something that needs to be addressed by your manager.

For now though, do your best to move on from this. Maybe it needed to be pointed out to you.

Best of luck with the house buying.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 best comment today

Work is for working, not discussing pregnancy (other than with line manager), house purchases, holidays, or whatever else. Don't talk to these people unless it's about work. During breaks, stay away from them. These people are not your friends so don't try to act like they are.

You don't need these people to like you and you don't need to like them. You need to get on with them professionally and that's all you need to do.

Don’t take any time off, go in and just ignore them.

Your colleagues sound extremely childish. Are they all in their early twenties? Who the fuck makes a big deal of a ‘pregnancy announcement’ whilst at work? 🤦🏻‍♀️

1. The pregnancy announcement you interrupted was not actually being shared with you anyway, even though you were within earshot. Isn’t that a little bit off?
2. The wasp. I would’ve had a completely involuntary reaction to a wasp buzzing in my face too, I’d have leapt out of my seat.
3. The holiday. It sounds to me like you might be a bit socially awkward (I am too) and you want to engage fully in conversation but end up interjecting about yourself without thinking, and that can be annoying.

My advice is, use this as a chance to reflect. Don’t keep beating yourself up. You’re not a bad person - they are if they continue to make you feel rubbish for your social gaffes. From now on, try to listen more carefully to others and think before you speak. Ask more questions - engage with the pregnant colleague, ask how she’s doing.

It’ll settle down and blow over in a week or two, just keep your head down for a bit.

At first I was on your side but I've worked with people who act like you do and you're downplaying it. Sounds like you don't like other people being centre of attention tbh 🤷🏻‍♀️

It seems your colleagues have been thinking these things a while and it's come to a head now you've done it again

I think the pregnant colleague is being petty. You were unaware that she was sharing her exciting news with a separate group. If I had confirmation of a house offer acceptance when sitting alone at lunch I might let out a ‘Yes!!’ & want to tell someone my news. I used to react badly to spiders so understand the wasp thing. You’ve also said that you shared good & bad parts re the holiday destination & that others did too, but that she has now singled you out on that issue.
She’s picking faults in anything that she can dredge up when you’ve already apologised. The whole thing seems childish. I’d take your manager’s advice and try to ignore it for now.

I'm sorry but I know a couple of people just like you (even down to the wasp thing) and it is unbearable. They also do it with negative stories as well, as soon as someone builds up the courage to talk about something sad that is impacting them, these people immediately share their own trauma (even if it's already been shared before).

Imo getting an offer on a house is nowhere near the same level as a pregnancy announcement. I know it seems a bit harsh but I think you need to examine why you need to do this (even if it is subconscious)

If that’s the case, why did she expect no one else in the office to speak or look at their phones?!

I must admit that I hate if I tell someone I’m going somewhere and they tell me instantly about their bad experience. Timing is everything and I think perhaps you need to have a bit of a think about how you come across.
The pregnancy announcement situation sounds a little unfair, given you weren’t part of the conversation, but if your colleagues are already fed up with you ‘one upping’ everything, it’s bound to annoy them.
Perhaps try and make any effort to engage with people without the need to turn the attention to yourself. I do appreciate the wasp thing though, as I am terrified so would also leap up, though I’d try and not scream and shout.

No, it doesn't sound like bullying, it sounds like there's a bit of an atmosphere because your colleagues are cross about something you did.

I think your manager's advice is spot on - get in with your work and let it blow over.

Well that would appear to be your problem - others have one opinion and yours doesn't accord with it! Also, this was Tuesday, you can't face going to work today - it is Thursday! It seems that you have no sensitivity for others, but too much for yourself. No it isn't bullying. You have upset people, and not for the first time, and have been told to "tone it down". If you want to get on with your collegaues you need to respect that their view of your behaviour has validity and you need to be more respectful of that fact.

If you weren’t even involved in the conversation and still managed to disrupt it, you must have been making quite a racket. You need to think hard about how behave. And bullying is a course of conduct, over time. Your colleagues just sound utterly scunnered with you and are showing you.