To think this has moved into bullying territory?

[BurnsBurnsBurns]

On Tuesday I was accused of ruining a colleague’s pregnancy announcement. I of course apologised at the time but they wouldn’t let it go and started bringing up various times that I’ve apparently ruined other people’s “news”. I have spoken to my manager who has suggested I just get on with my work and let it all settle down but the atmosphere is now awful. Yesterday everyone was being really off with me all day and today I really can’t face going in. I’ve apologised, it wasn’t done on purpose or with malicious intent so AIbU to think if they continue with this it is actually verging on bullying now? I really don’t want to go in today :-(

Maybe she considers herself queen bee in the office and needs to be centre of attention. Not just with the pregnancy announcement and has the power to control the others. Maybe she’s passive aggressive and has rallied everyone else into attacking OP.

She isn't the one who complained.

One of the good things about mn is the confirmation that it’s not in our minds when that one person in our lives behaves like this, because others have that one person as well!

Your friend of a friend sounds like a classic. Mine is a family member. I announced my third pregnancy one evening while on holiday with them. Couldn’t have got the announcement out of the way sooner because we had been waiting on worrying test results. First thing the next morning one of her children had a minor accident falling off a bed, no injury, and family member made a fuss whisking the child off to the nearest a and e in remote Italy. Not a coincidence. I went on to lose the baby in the second trimester and family member couldn’t bring themselves to offer any condolences.

You underestimate the power of the queen bee for others to do her bidding.

I love it when threads go off in tangents inspired no by anything the OP has said, but only the poster's projections.

Bore off. Not having this discussion again, and it's not in the spirit to bring discussions from one thread to another, I will ignore anu further posts that mention it

On the case in hand, I aasnt even speaking directly to you! I was making a simple point that one can cause a complaint without making it themselves.

Pardon?
I was literally pointing out that the group can be influenced by others, which is pretty much exactly what the OP has said throughout.

She's now following me all over the site. Run. It's too late for me, but you can still save yourself.

We have been in 2 threads for a couple of days partaking perfectly civilly until you remembered your grievance from days ago. Bizarre behaviour.

No, I've just been ignoring you.

Can see you're now scouring the site for my posts so I can't get away from you. Others will see it too.

Learn from my mistakes, children.

🤣 you literally responded to a post I made yesterday in another thread.

I'm certainly not looking for you, these two are pretty much the top in trending just now.

You've had your moment of attention after I literally hid a thread to get away from you after you very embarrassingly posted at me over several pages.

Now you've managed to derail another thread with your nonsense.

Btw, your posts about save yourself etc are absolutely pathetic. Just so you're aware. Bye now 😘

She's now following me all over the site

shes probably not

She is, but it might stop now.

I made a comment dr s didnt like a few days ago (shel probably tell you about it again as she did for pages and pages) to the point I hid the thread.

We are now in two threads- this and the roll your eyes one which is sitting top in trending. She has engaged perfectly civilly with my posts in the other thread until clocking today who I am and is now behaving like an absolute loon because I'm in TWO threads the same as her.

Following over the site indeed.

Interesting that it's a bully thread.

So? ND or not ND, you have to learn to adapt.

To some extent. But you can also request reasonable adjustments.

It might be the case. But OP has mentioned that there were previous complaints- that actually went to management- about OP being too withdrawn and not participating enough socially; as well as bringing up other past incidents against her now. It sounds to me more as though there are one or two other people who are acting as 'queen bees' with the right to police and criticize OP's and possibly other people's social behaviour; and are using this incident as their latest opportunity for it.

If it actually was the pregnant woman who complained, I'd have a little more sympathy for the complainer. But I hate self-righteous people who think they have a right to judge and find fault -repeatedly - with people who don't conform in some way. They're not obliged to like OP or to be her friend; but they shouldn't be trying to 'reform' her, or act as judge and jury. (Unless something she's done is relevant to work- e.g. poor interactions with clients.)

Often, people react to such criticisms either by becoming belligerent or very apologetic, and either can reinforce the critical behaviour: belligerence may be used to justify it ('see, I'm right; look how rude you're being!') and an abject apology may give gratification to the 'queen bee', and reinforce her in her 'disciplinarian' role. I would advise the OP to keep her head down, 'grey rock' the complainers unless they are the people directly offended, and just get on with work as best she can.

That's along the lines of what I mean. It doesnt have to he that the woman told anyone else to do anything, but that the pick mes of the group have complained and been mortally offended on her behalf. I've seen it happen.

If its not bullying some of the responses on here certainly are! What makes someone's baby news/announcement more important than OPs news, come on if we're waiting on news we're checking our phone constantly aren't we? .. Offer got accepted on her house that's brilliant news! Congrats OP.. If you ask me these people have ruined your moment...

You sound as though you have really low self esteem. I probably had similar experiences at school, and it was difficult to fit in, but part of that was accepting who I was and not trying so hard. I made some really good friends in the end, both at school and work, and I know I was considered a bit weird but I think that became part of my modus operandi. You accept who you are while being aware of other people's sensibilities, and if they get upset about something, apologise and move on. I'd just say if it's brought up again 'Yes, and I apologised, this is getting a bit old now and it's really not front page news, is it?' The only thing I do wonder is, could it be possible that, maybe unconsciously, low self esteem prompts you to do things to ensure that you are not forgotten? Sometimes negative attention is better than none at all.
Alternatively there are those among us who just aren't great at getting social cues and mess up through no fault of our own.

I wouldn’t want to be in an office like that either! What are your options for moving workplace to get away from the c’f’ing cluckers?

Reading all of your replies to comments you haven’t ruined anything in the office at all, pregnancy announcer is being overly dramatic & unfair towards you, everyone else is being down right rude & to be honest with your saying you’ve had issues like this since primary school it sounds like you might just have a touch of ADHD😬

I’m 44 & just starting on diagnosis path for ADHD, it is often a very different illness for females, but it makes such sense looking at things I do now & looking back on my life.

If this Is what you took from her comment you've totally missed the point ! It's got nothing to do with her husband trying to be original...she herself might not know its a saying that exists already . Before you get uppity about something consider what the alternative message might be. Totally ripped out of context here

I’d reply but then I’d be the one accused of going on about elevenerife 😂 funny how I’m the one accused of banging on about it yet the thread is full of people bringing it up … god forbid I actually respond 🤣