To think this has moved into bullying territory?

[BurnsBurnsBurns]

On Tuesday I was accused of ruining a colleague’s pregnancy announcement. I of course apologised at the time but they wouldn’t let it go and started bringing up various times that I’ve apparently ruined other people’s “news”. I have spoken to my manager who has suggested I just get on with my work and let it all settle down but the atmosphere is now awful. Yesterday everyone was being really off with me all day and today I really can’t face going in. I’ve apologised, it wasn’t done on purpose or with malicious intent so AIbU to think if they continue with this it is actually verging on bullying now? I really don’t want to go in today :-(

If you read or see something tragic or happy on the news do you not feel any emotion?

I'm not saying that OP has handled everything perfectly; probably she really has been annoying (not the same thing as attention-seeking) at times; but if there's one thing I detest, it's social/ workplace police, who think it's their job to stage 'interventions' and lecture people about their failings.

This is what I keep coming back to.

My feelings on this thread have flip-flopped a bit on this. I do think the OP demonstrated in her reaction to "elevenrifegate" that she does lack social skills and makes pointless and insensitive comments (whether out of selfishness, lack of social ability or ND isn't clear). And I can honestly see why this can have riled people up.

But I can't get away from my disquiet at a group of people seeking to police this behaviour and taking it up with management.

Workplaces are rife with low-level bad behaviour: insensitivities, microaggressions, people not listening to one another and not showing empathy. It's a very rare workplace where these things don't occur. In my workplace (which is basically harmonious) we've had a litany of issues far far worse than this.

In the grand scheme of things the OP comes across as a conversation topper, a bad listener and a bit of a know-it-all. But also as someone who is doing her best to overcome some previous social challenges at work and who means well.

None of this really merits the reaction of the social police she works with. Bottom line is that if someone spoils your pregnancy announcement at work you just crack on and privately think they are a bit of a dick. It isn't necessary to involve the Stasi and go for a full on witch hunt over it.

Not trying to be contrary but that's you being genuinely pleased for them – not how I feel at all. I have genuine total apathy towards many acquaintances' lives 😅

Could be that I live in a place where every "milestone" is kind of part of a social climbing contest. I'm not jealous as I have many of these things myself, but I don't really buy into it. Appreciate that this may come off as acting morally superior / hypocritical though that's not my intention.

But I go by the "do no harm" principle, aka don't actively offend or be hurtful.

Depends. Generally I do, but I also think people (including me) are quite selfish and arbitrary in what they decide to care about. Just a random example: white middle class child dies or go missing, vs same thing happening daily to kids in deprived areas

Oh yes definitely. I think you put it well.

This! Sounds very unprofessional!

@WildUnchartedWaters no I don't know them, but their comments are enough to tell me I relate more to OP than them. Taking offence over minor things, on other people's behalf is just not my thing.

Regards participating v being quiet, I was told I was too quiet and didn't share enough. The following week I was told off for laughing too loud and interrupting.

I went back to being quiet and not sharing. I am the weird one, its who I am, and I don't mind

Fair enough.

I’m not miserable I just give five a fuck about someone being pregnant. Zzzzz. I’d much rather see pictures of your dog or hear about the vacation you went on. You know, something I treating.

Nice bit of ableism there, wow 😯

Ffs this is typical Mumsnet. OP clearly states multiple times that her saying something to herself was EXAGGERATED as "screaming & shouting" and what sort of response is there from most posters?!

"YABU for screaming & shouting" 🤦🏼‍♀️

Not realising how loud you are is one thing but I'm pretty sure OP would realise if she was screaming and/or shouting! 🙄🤣

If we're being technical, she said "blurted". That's a bit different from saying something to yourself as well.

I think the majority of us now know where the problem is at your work.

Another old adage: "If you meet an asshole in the morning, that's bad luck for you. If you meet assholes all day long, you're the asshole."

I had a lot of sympathy for you until you just didn't stop. I think you've done a lot more than the couple of incidents you mentioned, and it's coming back to bite you where the sun don't shine.

You seem to be proving her assumption correct. Though I think we might be up to Twentyfourerife by now. 🙄

You sound really annoying 😂😂😂

And how are the last three comments any better than anything the OP has posted?
They're not. They're worse. So anything you're accusing her of clearly goes for you as well.

Lots of bored people not only in the office but also on this thread. All I've read is people telling you how annoying you are OP. Unkind words that are impactful, despite none of these people being in the room to witness what happened.

It sounds like for whatever reason you have got a bit of a reputation - that's not necessarily on you. As previous people have said your colleagues sound infantile.

I think I would spend no more time reflecting on it, go to work as normal and if the isolation continues let your manager know you are feeling really uncomfortable and ask that they deal with it properly

I had a lot of sympathy for you until you just didn't stop

Didn’t stop what? Responding to the posters who keep banging on about Elevenrife?

My feelings on this thread have flip-flopped a bit on this. I do think the OP demonstrated in her reaction to "elevenrifegate" that she does lack social skills and makes pointless and insensitive comments (whether out of selfishness, lack of social ability or ND isn't clear). And I can honestly see why this can have riled people up

Not necessarily. As I’m sure you’ve noticed people say lots of things online they wouldn’t say face to face (especially on this board)

So I wouldn’t assume OP would of gone off on one about her dislike of “my husband always says” in a face to face conversation.

@Sugaristheenemy exactly. If many posters on here regularly spoke to people IRL as they have done to the OP they'd probably get punched in the face.

I have another thought on this post. I think I like a lot of people blamed OP’s lack of awareness of others as her problem, as I did. And that might slightly be the case.
However, I think maybe the pregnancy announcement person maybe the problem.
Maybe she considers herself queen bee in the office and needs to be centre of attention. Not just with the pregnancy announcement and has the power to control the others. Maybe she’s passive aggressive and has rallied everyone else into attacking OP.
Just a thought.
We all have annoying traits and I think being alienated in your work environment is a horrible feeling.
I think OP should just face head on, apologise and just be more aware in future.
The truth will always out eventually.

What isn’t clear is whether the accusation that the OP spoilt someone’s pregnancy announcement was made in a formal capacity, through the manager, or just by the group she interrupted at the time. Is it only the OP who has spoken to their manager about the whole thing?

If she said it to herself, how did other people hear it?

To be fair some people think announcing a pregnancy is world altering news. To everyone, and not just them. Then they expect everyone should be involved with every single, boring detail of the event. This will blow over soon, and if it doesn't demand that your HR does something.
Also your news is way more exciting. Good luck with the new house!!