To think this has moved into bullying territory?

[BurnsBurnsBurns]

On Tuesday I was accused of ruining a colleague’s pregnancy announcement. I of course apologised at the time but they wouldn’t let it go and started bringing up various times that I’ve apparently ruined other people’s “news”. I have spoken to my manager who has suggested I just get on with my work and let it all settle down but the atmosphere is now awful. Yesterday everyone was being really off with me all day and today I really can’t face going in. I’ve apologised, it wasn’t done on purpose or with malicious intent so AIbU to think if they continue with this it is actually verging on bullying now? I really don’t want to go in today :-(

I was spoken to by manager who said my “disappearing acts” were causing bad feeling and I needed to interact more.

One benefit of an autism diagnosis is that it could stop the manager saying things which only make matters worse. If a worker has autism and management know she has autism and know how to deal with it then they can manage her more effectively and avoid bad feeling in the team.

Ok, you don't understand why I'm not overlooking Point A from Sarah when I'm addressing Point B from Gavin.

If I’m honest, no. But I don’t want to get into another spat 😆

All I've learned from this thread is that i'd rather work with op than some of the posters.

I'm just glad I work with the people I do work with.

Silly comment . You dont know any of these people.

well thanks for giving me a bit of a laugh on a night shift with this elevenerife panic attack

Are you neurodivergent? It comes across like you are are not picking up on social cues and have a lack of self awareness and struggle to react accordingly in certain situations. You should definitely Google the symptoms of ADHD and autism.

I do think your colleagues are being quite mean to you in this situation and they could have taken you to one side and communicated their grievances in a more constructive helpful way, so that you can understand for next time.

Reading all your additional explanations of what you’ve actually done I would say you luck a certain amount of self control.
Maybe you are louder than you believe you are, hence being accused of spoiling other people’s moments with mini outbursts at inappropriate moments.
Also, you need to remember it’s not all about you. Maybe that’s the issue?
As someone else said if you were paying attention to the people making announcements and not looking at your phone then you wouldn’t have shouted out with excitement.
Maybe your colleagues have had enough of your selfish behaviour.
That’s not bullying I’m afraid!

How much time passed between the pregnancy congratulations and you blurting out your news?

Was it minutes, like some posters are assuming?

Or seconds?

Be honest with yourself here. Useful self-reflection requires it.

OP - read all your responses here sbd I don't say this usually but f hell you need to take a chill pill
The lady about elevenerife made nog direct name calling to you - if she did she would have made it a lot clearer. Why you felt pissed off about the 'my husband comment is even more bizarre. Do you usually take things so personally? I think you need to look at your own behaviour a bit. If so many people at work have an issue with you, and different people are saying you overtake perhaps seek dome feedback- you may learn something. It's not likely they are all wrong. Good luck. My guess is though you are the type of person that always blames everyone else. It's exhausting. I have a very dear friend like this working in NHS big f me she's nutty and I've told her that too. Breathe- self reflect. You might learn something and then keep smiling

@BurnsBurnsBurns I used to feel like you a lot when I worked in an office, always on the outside. I felt like people were thinking I’m weird and inappropriate! Anyway, you sound nice and fun, and similar to me. Also, I have adhd which means I blurt out stuff sometimes 😂 Your colleagues sound like mean girls from high school, try and ignore them from now on x

Bullying workplaces can really bring you down. However, you've been prickly and antagonistic on here. Makes me think that you don't have much self-awareness.

It is not ‘mean girls’ to end up avoiding people who have no social awareness, whatever the reason. Everyone’s very quick to diagnose the OP with neurodiversity when it’s just as likely she just needs to learn to tune into her surroundings before making it all about her.

When someone interrupts me in the middle of a conversation, how it makes me feel is shame. It makes me feel like I shouldn’t talk and that my friends don’t care about what I have to say. It’s incredibly dismissive. As someone with a probably neurodiversity, my propensity is to say what’s in my head and I work hard to be more aware not because I’m trying to fit in but because it is polite not to make people feel shit and dismissed by me.

Holy crap on a cracker! OP you definitely are the ooh it’s all about me. Can’t stand folk like you always have to be the centre of attention.

When I was pregnant I took my manager aside in a meeting room straight after my 20 week scan and told her I was pregnant. We walked out of the room and she mouthed “she’s pregnant” at our senior manager who leaped up to congratulate me and then everyone knew.

oh ffs!! Why are people so precious about someone being up the fucking duff!! Whoopi “congratulations” move on because all they’ll hear from her now is morning sickness; fat ankles; how many times the babies moved in 24 hours; how her birthing plan is going to be blah blah blah
weather the storm love people are complete fucking twats sometimes; just don’t be so forgiving when they do start talking again make them feel like twats, oh & don’t contribute to preggers leaving gift 🤪

its like 'congrats on being one of the 17265628 people to get pregnant just today.'

I work in a company. About 20 males. 4 females. We all get along but the females do support each other and are interested in each others lives. I'm lucky that we all get on.

Uou sound miserable or just unfortunate you can't stand the people you work with.

Miserable

If someone is making an announcement then it's rude to check your phone and shout out tbh. Yes I do believe you do need to check this. Please don't be offended, I've been awful at interrupting people, completely unintentionally, and it's been brought to my attention by different people and I now know this and make an effort not to do it. We all have our faults and need to make an effort to address these. Xx

Like I said, some people are resentful and angry about other people's good news. To the point where they can't comprehend that most people aren't being "fake" when they say they're pleased for them and give them a few minutes of celebration.

I agree. I'm the older female of our colleagues. I love hearing about their new parts of their lives. One has just gone on maternity leave and I've enjoyed hearing about her pregnancy journey.

I have worked with some miserable people and it is draining. So jealous.

I am fake tbh. I feel great joy for my family and friends, but I really don't care about a lot of random acquaintances' news – especially when the news is about aspects of life I personally don't value / relate to.

But I'd never want to make them feel bad or foolish, or like their news didn't matter, so I put in the effort to respond positively (no you don't have to fawn and gush)

You can't help how you feel. So maybe you truly don't give a tiny shit that the person you see daily at work is pregnant, although I think you'd feel something if you found out she lost the baby and was heartbroken.

But it still isn't "fake" or somehow insincere or immoral to be polite about it (and I mean properly polite, since some people claim to think a one word "congratulations" and then back to their phone isn't rude, when it plainly is). It's you showing general respect by adhering to the social norm that exists to spare people's feelings and make the workplace/community a more welcoming and safe place for all. It's you accepting that there's more here than just your own personal thoughts and feelings and other people matter too.

Socialisation isn't some big falsehood. It's what keeps our communities running and helps people to feel and be valued and included. That's something we should care about on a general level even if we don't care specifically about Sophie in HR being pregnant.

I know you know all this, I'm just expanding on what you've said.

Of course other strangers news doesn't matter that much to you but I'm genuinely pleased for them. So it's not fake. It's just a different emotion than if it was someone closer.