to feel defeated by school reports?

[ToddlerIs2]

I feel so sad at all three school reports and can't help but feel it's on me, as their primary parent, that i've let them fail badly.

DS is at expected level on all academic subjects, but the report is full of "he doesn't apply himself enough", "he lets others do it for him", "if he actually expressed it on paper....", he needs to improve his presentation", "He needs to improve his output / stamina" etc. I feel like this is obv about how we've parented him, that he doesn;t feel he needs to push himself or strive to do his best, that he's happy to sit back and just let everyone else do the work. I don't know how to get him to improve his productivity at school. On the occasions he does, school are so positive about it, but then the next day he just doesn't.
Then there's the twins who are at emerging on EVERYTHING, not a single thing at excpected level - is it because they're second borns and twins so i've just not tried enough with them? There isn't one area they're at the right level for.

They all go to the same school and the head teacher obviously reads all the reports, its a small school so she'll def clock the poor attainment is all from the same family.

I just feel so inadequate. I'm a SAHM so i don't even have an excuse of being busy with work.

I think you need to turn this around - as in start asking what the school is/isn’t doing to support them to improve.

How old are they?

Hi OP, what ages are they? The younger they are the more time to get to their expected levels.

It's good that you want to support them. In your shoes I would contact their class teachers and the head teacher, and ask to have meetings with them to understand more about what concrete actions you could take to help them improve.

E.g. maybe there are holiday clubs they could access over the holidays to support them? Or maybe the teacher will want you to read every day with them, or do one of those maths apps like SumDog? (Mine are primary age so I'm sorry if those aren't relevant!)

Don't feel guilty, it's a waste of energy. Just talk to the experts who know them to ask what specific things you could make a daily habit over the holidays, that would help to move the needle ahead of next term.

Wish you all the best.

See it as a wake up call. You've probably been extremely busy with 3 children but you can turn it around now. Set aside 10 mins per child just to read with them, test them on spellings and times tables, whatever is age and stage appropriate for them.

I had to do the same with mine - 10 mins, 3 x a week was actually all it took to change his attitude.

How old are they all OP?

I wouldn't describe that as "failing badly".

Take a step back, breathe, take the spotlight off yourself.

Your son is at expected level. In what realm is that "failing badly"? I think that's a really harsh and unfair way to describe your son.

They've given advice on what he could work on, because that's what they are supposed to do.

I sincerely doubt the headteacher is sitting there ruminating about the "poor attainment" in your family. Are you normally quite an anxious person?

DS has only ever 'done enough'. It is so frustrating, he is now 23, and still does enough. When I ask him why he doesn't want to achieve more, he says he can't see the point in working any harder, when enough us enough!!

Its primary school reports. I cast an eye and shove into a drawer. They have no real meaning. Read with kids, do their homework and have fun doing stuff

eldest is 8, so going into yr 4 September.
Twins are 3, they have another year at nursery from September and we'd put them in full time cos of Uni / their speech delay

parents evening tomorrow

I don't think "failing" nursery is a thing, op.

They're tiny! I really wouldn't worry about it. Your eldest is where he needs to be. Your twins are in nursery. They'll get there. Read them stories, take them to the park, play games. They'll be fine.

Flockameanie

That is absolutely typical. It speaks volumes about why some children don't apply themselves and don't take responsibility. They have been brought up to deflect and blame someone else which is what you just suggested the OP does.

@ToddlerIs2 Im an early years teacher so not much help with the older one but if you ask specifically what they cannot do (which statements aren’t met), I can talk to you about bits to do at home to support over summer. I’m almost sure it will be the speech delay as most areas require children to talk about things to demonstrate their skills I.e. natural world, past and present etc. At 3, it’s almost certainly nothing to worry about!

i wouldn’t worry about the twins tbh. They’re only 3 and they all develop at different rates. You can ask the teacher what sort of things they should be doing for their age and anything you could work on at home over the summer, independent skills, turn taking, mark making etc, but don’t stress they’re still babies.

you probably need to have a chat with the older one about applying himself in the new school year, trying his best etc. but also ask the school at parents evening what they are doing to help with his engagement and motivation. It’s not all on you. At the end of the day he is meeting his targets, so he’s obviously not doing nothing, just maybe not trying as hard as he could.

If he's doing all of this "negative" stuff yet still at expected level then I would take it as a positive to be honest. Just think what he could achieve if he did apply himself!

You're not failing. "Expected" just means he's average like the vast majority of people, there's nothing wrong with that. We can't all have genius children. As for the twins at 3 I wouldn't start stressing about academics yet

1. Be kind to yourself, you’re not failing you’re doing a great job - you’ve spotted they need support and you’re going to help them.
2. enjoy the summer!
3. Then in September request a meeting with their new teachers, explain you’re concerned with their reports last term, ask what their plan is to help your children improve and how you can support at home. new term = new start

💐❤

The twins are too young for proper reports so I wouldn't worry about that.

But if my DS had a report like that there would be severe consequences. I don't mind what his attainment grades are but I expect him to try his best and apply himself in all subjects. He would be losing all screen time and I'd be working with the primary school to come up with an improvement plan with achievable goals. Perhaps a daily report card to log his effort.

My girl twin (Y2) has been refusing to put much effort into her handwriting so this summer she will be practicing her handwriting if she wants to use her tablet!

I wouldn’t say any of them are failing. Can you even fail at 3?

Just ask their teachers tomorrow how you can best support them to progress at home and then make sure you follow their advice.

My 7 year old was "emerging" (including being a late walker, talker etc) until Easter this year when he's was all of a sudden all caught up in all academic areas as well as in social interactions.

Your older one just sounds a bit bored 🤷🏻‍♀️ At that age they really struggle with the idea of doing things "just because". They do things they enjoy and do their best to avoid the rest. Can't blame them, to be honest!

oh your youngest is 3 so I would just have the conversation I suggested for your eldest 🫣

Also, I was told my just turned 3 year old was behind because he didn't know his alphabet and couldn't count to 10 😅 I told his 19 year old key worker that he has 18 months left before he starts reception - I'm sure he'll get there before then! Try not to worry too much :)

Op there’s only so much you can do as a parent. The most important thing I’d say is to foster a love of reading. Reading is at the foundation of everything. Make sure you read the reading books the school sends home on a regular basis. Take your dcs to the library. Make sure all homework set by the school is done right away. Make use of all the apps the school may subscribe to, such as TT rockstars. I work in a school and I have found that the children who have these good habits tend to be the ones who fulfill their potential.
However please don’t ever think your dc’s progress reflects on you or the school world judge you on it.

Three year old twins are likely to be a bit behind where their siblings were. 8 year old boys rarely have enormous drive or an appetite for work. Are they happy? Are they kind? Even if they don’t make the top of the class ever would it really matter? Enjoy them. Be a kind mum who helps them be proud of themselves.

and yet they are, so how shit am i? They're at emerging for everything