Even dh doesn’t care about the risk

[Themstherules]

Hi

I absolutely hate to be that parent but I feel very upset about this.

As is the same every year people share pictures and videos on social media of school events and these inevitably contain other children. It’s done on WhatsApp, snap chat, insta and FB. People think that their socials are private especially Watsapp and snap chat but let’s be honest non of these are secure.

We are told before each event that photo and videos are allowed but must be kept private.

Yesterday someone shared a whole class photo of dc I’m uniform. I reported it and I messaged the school parent group to ask for it to be taken down. The sharer did then remove it.

I feel totally embarrassed but I ended up sharing on the group page why I was asking for this. I said I’m sorry to be a pain but xyz is why I would like it removed. The reasons are very personal and non of the school parent would be aware but I felt it necessary to share my reasons so I didn’t look neurotic and so it really brought it home to people who keep doing this.

I spoke to dh about it last night and although he didn’t say it I get the impression he thinks I’m over the top and being risk averse. He wouldn’t have bothered if it was him who saw it.

I now feel upset that I shared my Children’s personal life story with the school parents, obviously I didn’t go into all the details I just simply stated why. And I feel like maybe I am being that neurotic parent. No one responded to what I said and I now feel judged.

Aibu? Should I apologise to the group? Should I have left the picture up?

You’re a foster parent and you can’t actually imagine a scenario where children would need protecting?

your training was seriously lacking in that case.

Encouraged to take photos of the kids but surely not encouraged to share photos of foster children online/social media?!

That poster appears to do either respite fostering or short term who will be returned to parents. Had they ever fostered a child who needs to be away from bio parents they would know but I do think they need to up their training as it shows a very limited understanding.

Worrying about a child's safety isn't being 'picky'

And the sheer selfish entitlement of some people these days is horrifying

@Bathbasketcase - I agree. I can’t imagine any scenario where foster carers would be encouraged to post photos online of foster children. I can understand being encouraged to take them and put them in an album for foster children but not online. I can’t believe that poster is a foster carer with such little knowledge about safeguarding.

Birth parents, not 'real' parents please.

Adoptive parents are the legal parents and are there every day caring and advocating for their children. We may not be biologically related, but we are very real.

I apologise. I've just thought that but was working so didn't have time to post yet.

@marmaladeslade I suggest you do some CPD with your supervising social worker around the wider issues children in care and those who are adopted face regarding social media and unwanted contact from family members.

I am glad that all your placements so far have been at a level where families can be involved however many aren’t! It’s not at all unusual.

If you are a registered foster cater, your ignorance of this issue is blinding.

Do you know the difference between closed and open adoptions?

It happens, regularly.

And even if it was unusual, what's one child being abducted, eh? Did you miss the part where there jas already been a risk?

No problem @AppleTurnover1000Degrees . People outside of adoption won't be aware of how it can sound sometimes.

NC for this as it could be outing I'm a foster carer too but I'm a different situation to PP but similar to OP in that absolutely no photos of DFC can go online for their safety.

I'm also a youth leader so have experienced situations where children at our group cannot have their pictures online - there's loads of ways to handle it so that the child doesn't feel any different from everyone else.

I firmly believe that you should always check with the parent(s)/carer(s) prior to posting online.

I could kick myself for making such a stupid error but thank you for telling me politely.

You were absolutely right to do that. I work in a school and have seen situations like this before but most people can’t imagine it so may feel you were being neurotic.

I wish parents would save their anger for the people who are such a danger to children that we have to take these precautions.

This seems like a very valid reason and I don’t think anyone is judging you.

if I was the parent that put the picture up though, I would have messaged you privately and apologized.

YANBU to ask for the photo to be taken down, I do think YABU to share your children’s history in parental group. You don’t need to explain the reasons why you don’t want photos shared with anyone, but you’ve taken away a choice your children could have made in future about who in their school knows their adopted (their story/their history) especially as you don’t know if there is any connection to whoever showed up at school in a previous incident.

What makes you think they arent angry at them?
that doesnt negate the reckless behaviour of some selfish people.

You haven't thought that through very well have you?

The school gets consent or not for every child and acts appropriately because they know who has consented and who hasn't. A random parent does not have that knowledge so can't use the fact that they have consented to the school to then post pictures of other children

It never fails to surprise me how dim some people can be.

Since I didn't imply that it does, I'm not sure why you commented.

Simplistic view.

Those people either dont care, in which case we need to protect each other, or are affected by one of the numerous factors which involve children being taken into care rather than being selfish.

I don't think YABU.

We have one parent at school who just shares everything regardless of other children in photos and it annoys me as we are reminded at every event that images with other children should not be shared on SM!

Its Ops parenting choice whether she tells people or not. Its nothing to be ashamed of, and it's not her secret to keep.

She wouldnt have had to if there wasnt a risk of idiots like PP who do as they like.

That means their kids never doing anything with other people, as literally everything these days in being photographed/videod by someone. How is it fair that a child can't participate in anything with other kids because some of their parents are so selfish and attention seeking they just have to plaster pictures of other peoples' children all over the internet!

Just to add that my DS doesn't always like his image being shared on SM. If I am sharing something with him in it I now check it's okay. That is more my issue rather than it being anything else.

What good does that do though? However many people are "angry" about potential abusers etc., won't actually protect the vulnerable child. You have to take precautions against them, as they'll always be there, however angry people are and whatever steps are taken (short of locking up every potential abuser for ever).

It's like securing your home - we shouldn't have to lock all windows and doors, as no one "should" be out burgling, but in reality, it's just something that we have to do to protect ourselves.