Even dh doesn’t care about the risk

[Themstherules]

Hi

I absolutely hate to be that parent but I feel very upset about this.

As is the same every year people share pictures and videos on social media of school events and these inevitably contain other children. It’s done on WhatsApp, snap chat, insta and FB. People think that their socials are private especially Watsapp and snap chat but let’s be honest non of these are secure.

We are told before each event that photo and videos are allowed but must be kept private.

Yesterday someone shared a whole class photo of dc I’m uniform. I reported it and I messaged the school parent group to ask for it to be taken down. The sharer did then remove it.

I feel totally embarrassed but I ended up sharing on the group page why I was asking for this. I said I’m sorry to be a pain but xyz is why I would like it removed. The reasons are very personal and non of the school parent would be aware but I felt it necessary to share my reasons so I didn’t look neurotic and so it really brought it home to people who keep doing this.

I spoke to dh about it last night and although he didn’t say it I get the impression he thinks I’m over the top and being risk averse. He wouldn’t have bothered if it was him who saw it.

I now feel upset that I shared my Children’s personal life story with the school parents, obviously I didn’t go into all the details I just simply stated why. And I feel like maybe I am being that neurotic parent. No one responded to what I said and I now feel judged.

Aibu? Should I apologise to the group? Should I have left the picture up?

Absolutely not a loon. Those people probably don’t know what to say in response but I bet they all completely understand, and if they don’t then they aren’t worth anything to you anyway as they’d be arseholes.

I would be furious if someone else shared a picture with my child in it and that’s not for any kind of safeguarding reason, it’s just because that’s our person preference. The school needs to make a firmer point about this if there is a safeguarding issue. Make it clear in correspondence and at the event. Repeat offenders or those who don’t take down pictures of vulnerable children should no longer be welcome in the school.

You were in the right op, and anyone objects to removing it is a selfish idoit.

School say EVERY assembly etc, please do not share on SM, we have children here who cannot have their photo shown on SM, please just put up ones of your own kids or where you know its ok. So i take photos and i only share them if its just DS and his close friends. I know which children are looked after children so could blur them out, but i don;t necessarily know who's hiding from an abusive ex etc. so i just wouldn't include other kids.

I have a friend who adopted a little girl, friend is single so no partner to support, and honestly she’s had a total nightmare with the birth family persistently trying to track them down. She’s moved so many times! She’s very diligent about who she lets into her life and no way in hell could she ever have her DD on SM anywhere. I hate that parents who don’t give the school social media permissions are painted as neurotic. One mum was loudly moaning the other day saying that it’s unfair on kids to do that because they can never be in a school play because then schools can’t promote the play on social media 🙄🙄 idiot

I think if I got a message like that, I'd understand and respect it.

I think that before long, we'll see lawsuits on parents from adult offspring for putting them and their lives on the internet and laws will arise from it, particularly those who monetised their children such as blogging or influencers.

Some people really overdo it.

So OPs kids, and thousands of other adopted, fostered or vulnerable children should be excluded from taking part in class assemblies, sports days, school shows etc because you're too selfish to learn how to crop or blur a photo, because you SMing a "perfect photo" is more important than a childrens wellbeing?

The irony of you calling me dum lol

If you reread it may improve your comprehension. Even your own words have just proven my point.

I said my school which must have had consent (by the virtue of the fact that the children were posing in a picture in the first place that the school itself had allowed to be shared externally). I can therefore rely on the fact the parents have consented to social media use.

It's not difficult to grasp.

Absolutely a valid reason and to be honest if I was the person who posted it I would feel a bit of a dick.

Op I also think you need to let the school know that this happened as I’m sure they had asked parents not to share photos on social media.

Dumb, predictive text.

School will support you.

It’s a forum asking an opinion which as we are now on page 10 people have opinions I really doubt that op will lose sleep over people on the internet.

I agree it is nothing to be ashamed of and isn’t a secret but I also believe that it should be a child’s choice to share their adoption with other people, just as I don’t think they needs to justify themself as to why they wanted a picture taking down- again an opinion

I thought you may have been a bit over the top but then reading your reasons why, I completely understand.

What?I'm talking ahout the woman who shared it (I was referring to the PP on here as an example of the same kind of mentality).

I don't think she should have had to explain herself either but I respect her choice to

So my child should miss out on being in her class photo because you simply MUST share it with all and sundry online, when you could very easily not, and just show people that you’d like to show in person.

Exactly.

Ans in this instance , it wasnt an fficial photo, which is even worse.

Incidentally, absolutely nobody on your social media bar your best friends and family are interested in a photo of a child and 29 children they dont know. Its breathtaking selfishness.

This is absolutely a valid reason for you to ask for a photograph to be taken down, and I think any parent would - or at least should - understand why you made the request. You don't need to feel bad about this.

I'm sure most schools have pupils in similar situations, eg adopted, fostered or being shielded from an estranged and abusive parent, so it's good for other parents to reminded now and again that they shouldn't share pictures of other people's kids without permission, just in case.

If you’re picky about photos then the onus is on you to make sure your kid isn’t in them.

This has to be one of the most shitty entitled things I’ve ever read on here.

Heaven forbid the vulnerable children in the class get in the way of you posting #MakingMemories with your little diddums on social media. I mean how else will you pretend you’re happy if you’re not boasting on Facebook?!

OP, you are most definitely not being unreasonable.

Not sure how you can avoid your child being in photos when all the entitled parents are taking pics for their social media #famalam feeds.

The response above is perfect.

I now feel upset that I shared my Children’s personal life story with the school parents, obviously I didn’t go into all the details I just simply stated why. And I feel like maybe I am being that neurotic parent. No one responded to what I said and I now feel judged.

YANBU. I wouldn't judge you - I'd be grateful that you demonstrated exactly why we need to be careful. I'd be concerned that an action of mine could put someone else's DC at risk.

It's not happened to me, but a good friend of mine escaped an abusive husband, who then started to stalk his own DC (having started to hit them as well as my friend). I'm quite careful never to use their full names in any online conversation with my friend eg on FaceBook - I just say "the children" or try not to refer to them at all.

It's a small thing for others, but important for you & your DC's safety - YANBU.

In my DC’s last school there was a woman who was very upfront about the fact she couldn’t even have her DD in background shots of people’s photos as her e shove exH was in prison for hospitalising her (the mum) and trying to kidnap their DD. His nasty family had tracked her down a few times and she had to even change their names. She was very apologetic about being so candid but she said it’s the only way to make people see the seriousness of the situation. I felt bad for her - PSA: just don’t fucking have other people’s kids on your social media!!

I post things about my children on SM, but I always crop out other children, or blank out their faces.

You never know. That child could have been adopted. The child could have various reasons as to why their face can’t be on SM

Given your stated reason YANBU. You’ve done what you felt was right, that’s enough. Stand firm and just smile and be polite next time you have to face any of them. I expect they’ll be more careful now! X

YANBU. Schools should make it much much clearer just why they have a no photo rule, and it should be reiterated and reinforced regularly. You shouldn't have had to explain your reasons, it's something that all parents should know, but clearly they don't (or they're just selfish arses!).