to think my friend isn’t actually a lone parent?!

[butterlo]

My friend describes herself as a lone parent and whilst her dd doesn’t see her dad so obviously she has no practical help, she has hundreds a month from her ex which means she has more flexibility than me… who I consider is a real lone parent. No contact with the father and has never paid a penny! Surely that’s the definition of a lone parent, not someone who has significant financial input for their child?!

The blame is on the father not paying, that does not remove blame from procreating with a fucking idiot. Christ, does no one take any responsibility these days, or is it perpetually everyone elses fault for stupid life decisions.

I AM THE MOST LONE PARENT!!!!!

Said OP.

Utter rubbish

Both are victims. The mother is left carrying the can and having to pick up the emotional, practical and financial slack of a feckless father and a patriarchal society and broken system that doesn't give a shit that deadbeat parents get away with not paying for their abandoned children.

Making sweeping statements with no evidence whatsoever makes people look imbecilic.

Yep. And then blames the one that sticks around and does the work of two people! Lone parents should be respected, not vilified. And certainly shouldn't be paying more than their fair household share of tax. It is utterly depressing the misogynism spouted even by other women.

Exactly. It beggars belief it really does. It's so ignorant.

Well, look, I think you've ticked off all the buzzwords that you feel the need to espouse for today. Ill let you have the last word - the floor is yours.

I'd say your situation is the harder of the two and is what I would class as a true 'lone parent'
You truly have 100% of the emotional and financial burden on your shoulders.

However your friend also has it tough if the sperms donor has no involvement with the kids.👩‍👦

The blame is on the father not paying, that does not remove blame from procreating with a fucking idiot. Christ, does no one take any responsibility these days, or is it perpetually everyone elses fault for stupid life decisions.

What is wrong with you? Why is there always at least one of these muppets on every thread about single/ lone parents?

Do you actually think that it's possible to predict the future?

I lived with my children's father for years before I married him. We were married for years before we had children. He really wanted children. We had many discussions about it. I only agreed to it based on him committing to 50/50 parenting: sharing childcare, sick days, all split down the middle. He was a model husband, friends' husbands used to say he made them look bad. Thoughtful, kind, respectful, did over 50% of household chores, stable and well-paid career with good progression prospects, very hard worker. He cared for me when I was unwell, he made lovely meals to cheer me up if I'd had a bad day or went out to buy me flowers. Booked surprise holidays for my birthday.

Then, when our children were babies, he walked out and has no contact with them. Turns out he'd been having affairs and had run up six figure gambling debts without my knowledge? Later, he messed his life up so badly he lost his job and career, now lives in a shared house I believe. Hasn't seen his children in years.

Please explain exactly how this is my fault and I should have predicted it?

Tumbleweed.... 🙄

This is called jealousy, plain and simple

You realise Im not just sat here waiting for a response?

You still married a fucking idiot. Such a model partner of perfection, Im sure there wasnt a hint of a sign that entire time. And losing that amount of money? Where were you when this was happening?

Im sorry for your situation, but projecting doesnt change OP's situation. Being bitter that her friend didnt procreate with a dickhead is ridiculous.

It makes you a lone parent too, but one who’s envious of your friend.

Agreed

You seem bitter that she gets financial help. I get it, I get no maintenance from my first child’s dad and before getting with my current partner, it was hard. So so hard!! Getting the maintenance that she is entitled definitely helps. But in the sleepless nights, having to do everything, not having a minute to yourself, being responsible for a child 24/7 with no physical help, cleaning up sick and accidents….. yeh I would say she is a lone parent and she has my sympathies. It’s hard.

I don't think financial support affects lone/single parent status. She is also a single parent as the child does not see their dad. I'm seperated from my ex and don't classify myself as a single parent as he has her 50% of the time. If he had her every other weekend only then I probs would say I was a single parent.

My ex SIL describes herself as a “single mam” despite having £3k per month to live on plus another £80k lump sum in the divorce… (she won’t work more than the hours permitted so she still gets Universal Credit!) AND my brother fought and fought in the courts to get shared custody so he has their DD 39% of the calendar year. Essentially she has “child free time” 10 nights per month most months and 4 weeks completely child free in July-August. I would Not describe her as a single parent!!

Bullshit. You cannot claim Universal Credit if you have more than £16k in the bank. I am a claimant myself so I know how it works. You are either lying, or she is lying to you about her finances.

Also, she IS a single mum. She is single, and she's a mum. She's not a lone parent, as she has help, but she is a single mum and I say that as someone who's ex is not involved at all.

I wholeheartedly agree.

I was married for nearly 20 years before the violence started because he couldn't deal with a disabled child.

But my fault entirely apparently as I should have seen from the beginning that a deputy head would attempt to strangle someone. I castigate myself every day for not reading the tea leaves properly.

True

She's still a lone parent.

Nobody's saying the money doesn't make it an easier lone parent gig than yours, but where her kid or kids are concerned she still has to make all the packed lunches, do all the school runs, help them with their home work, take them to their swimming lessons etc come what may, even if she feels ill or is having a super stressful shitty time at work.

Please don't turn on your friend over this. Her life might seem easier than yours but even as a comparatively financially comfortable lone parent, its still going to be tough enough for her. You should have solidarity with one another rather than turn on each other imho.

Jeeeeez....that makes heartbreaking reading. I don't have anything constructive to say but I didn't want to read and just ignore this.

Massive amount of hugs and solidarity to you. Life dealt you a rough hand that you plainly did not deserve.

Hope you and your kid are doing great now xxx

This is a wind-up post, right?

Thank you, that's very kind of you to say. I really do appreciate it.