to think my friend isn’t actually a lone parent?!

[butterlo]

My friend describes herself as a lone parent and whilst her dd doesn’t see her dad so obviously she has no practical help, she has hundreds a month from her ex which means she has more flexibility than me… who I consider is a real lone parent. No contact with the father and has never paid a penny! Surely that’s the definition of a lone parent, not someone who has significant financial input for their child?!

YABU.
save your annoyance for people whose partners go away for the weekend and they start saying they're single parents

I'm not sure if they didn't use the term lone parent it would make your life any better.

I think you are directing your bitterness at the wrong person. The father of your child of who is not paying a penny is the one in the wrong here, not the friend who is receiving financial support from the father of her child.

YABVU. The financial part is irrelevant. You’re both lone parents because you’re doing it alone.

Women who parent alone and receive some form of maintenance are still lone parents.
Does it make you feel better to obsess over how much 'easier' her life is than yours?
You don't actually sound like a supportive friend.

Lone parent who is more financially secure than you.

Well she is a lone parent but a financially comfortable one. You are a skint loan parent, that is the difference.

I work with a woman who makes about £200-250k per year.
She had (surprise) identical twins via sperm donor.

Is she not a lone parent because she earns good money?!?!

You are jealous and not a friend.

This

Of course she’s a lone parent. She does 100% of the childcare. It’s not about money.

So, by your definition someone who parents alone (with no input from other parent) but who has a well paid job and doesn't struggle is NOT a lone parent?
Yeah, you're just jealous!

Definition:

A lone parent is defined as a parent with a dependent child living in a household with no other people (whether related to that dependent child or not).

You are both lone or single parents. My ex has t paid maintenance but sees the dc. I’m classed as a line/single parent.

Fellow 'lone parent' by your definition here - no physical parenting or financial. Financial lack due to CMS letting him away with it.

If CMS hadn't stopped him paying I would have still considered myself a lone parent. The £7 a week he had to pay me was hardly a fucking life changer. I consider any other parent raising kids alone physically, financial help or otherwise, to be lone parents. It's as difficult for fellow parents that I know to raise kids on their own whether they get financial help or not.

I'd be more annoyed personally when I speak to someone who is still with the other parent who says they may as well be a single parent because the other parent works or is lazy. Now that annoys me a bit.

Find a more appropriate outlet for your bitterness

It’s not a race to the bottom! She’s made a slightly better partner choice than you, but neither of you have the child’s father much involved so seems the same to me.
Having more money doesn’t make you less of a lone parent.

Single parent is defined by if they are together with the other parent, not financial circumstances.

It’s not a competition either.

This is just one of those situations which is made infinitely more shit with no money but the words don’t change.

Redundancy. . . Unemployed. . . Widowed. . .

All infinitely shitter when you have no money or financial support but the words don’t change

Fuck sake I hate this lone/single parent oneupmanship. You're both lone parents. It's not a competition of who has it worse.

This. YABU.

I’m a widow who gets monthly pensions for myself and my kids. I am 100% confident that I am a lone parent.

You're a more financially disadvantaged lone parent, but you're both lone parents.

I wish that more was done about the absent parent paying maintenance

You’re wrong. I was a single parent but I got a good child support. My ex moved abroad for work so how does that not make me a single parent? I did everything on my own.

Of course she is a lone parent. Just one who is not as financially disadvantaged as you. I thought this thread was going to about someone whose DH works away during the week and therefore calls herself a lone parent (that winds me up!)

I see what you mean. Taking some financial responsiblity for your child is definitely parenting, I’m surprised at those who don’t see it that way. If I’m not responsible for providing for my child as their parent, who is?

I don’t think it’s reasonable to be annoyed if she’s using the term though. She has it hard, just not as hard as you. If she’s your friend, don’t begrudge her what she does get.

This is a shitty comment. It has absolutely nothing to do with a "slightly better" parenting choice. You have zero idea what situation the op or her friend were in when they conceived.

Op for what it's worth I have been in both positions. I didn't receive any maintenance for 9.5 of my 11 odd years as a single parent. I now receive a decent amount, not heaps but better than some I know. And honestly it doesn't make things much easier 🤷‍♀️

Solo parenting teen boys has been a lot harder emotionally than parenting younger kids. And that is despite the fact that my kids are reasonably well behaved. Different people have different struggles. Try to remember that and I hope you and your friend can support each other.