to think my friend isn’t actually a lone parent?!

[butterlo]

My friend describes herself as a lone parent and whilst her dd doesn’t see her dad so obviously she has no practical help, she has hundreds a month from her ex which means she has more flexibility than me… who I consider is a real lone parent. No contact with the father and has never paid a penny! Surely that’s the definition of a lone parent, not someone who has significant financial input for their child?!

She is the very definition of a lone parent. You are being ridiculous.

oh please

Money might not matter to you right now, but it will the day you don't have any.

It is bizarre. I would be pleased for a friend who had a little bit of cash from her parent's father. I might be a bit envious if I wasn't receiving any, but I would still be happy for her. I wouldn't be trying to negate her struggle or achievements as a lone parent, which is what the question posed by the OP is trying to do. You both deserve to be applauded for parenting your children.

This post reminds me never to share, even with my closest friends, any information regarding my financial status in case they start to cop a resentment.

Rather than babysitters can you suggest some arrangement where maybe once a month one of you looks after both kids and the other gets an evening off? Would that help a bit?

🙄

I mean it’s been said plenty of times but ‘lone parent’ literally means ‘parenting alone’. That has nothing to do with what goes in or out of a bank account.

I don’t describe myself as a lone parent, I do say ‘single mum’. I do 99% of the actual parenting though and my ex should be paying towards his kids but often ‘can’t afford to’. But they go to his every weekend for 24 hours, a break actual lone parents don’t get.

More controversial, my own mother would have described herself a lone parent but I wouldn’t agree. My grandparents did the majority of the work, fed us (including packed lunches for school), school runs, had us stay over many more nights than typical (I mean weekly, to the point my younger siblings basically lived there). She may have been lonely but she certainly wasn’t alone in sharing parenting responsibilities.

Gosh if this isn’t the very definition of Holier Than Thou. Obviously from someone not at all affected by cost of living. My kids haven’t set foot in a church in their life, they must be so deprived 😂.

People change. You can be married 20 years and have longed for children and some men will still become deadbeat dads.

But carry on victim blaming.

Sole/lone/single/not partnered/no partner living with parent and child

How many other versions do you need? A billboard?

Must be pretty shit to have friends that are so bothered by labels and finances..

You are not alone.
widows get widow allowance.
loan parents with no financial help get nothing.
it’s tough.
stay strong.

I'm a loan parent and no amount of money would ease that burden and overwhelming sense of responsibility and loneliness - I think you are hung up on the financial aspect

i think it is easier being a lone parent with money than without for sure.

You are both lone parents. Support each other and don’t bitch behind her back about things you are jealous of. It’s not a competition.

Victim blaming is an easy answer here. You know as much as I do. We all know plenty of women have children with dickheads. They often then come here to moan about it.

Everything is easier with money. The definition of a lone parent doesn’t include financial status.

YABU

FFS - you are both lone parents.

You could apply your financial divide logic to other areas of life and it would also be nonsense.

Clearly jealousy. I get it totally but it's not a hierarchy situation

I'm always perplexed when people concentrate on the women that stick around and take responsibility rather than aiming their vitriol against feckless deadbeat that shirk theirs.

Yep. Victim blaming rooted in misogyny.

You mean like the OP who is concentrating on the woman calling herself a lone parent instead of the loser who fathered her child?

Victim blaming also routed in a fucking good excuse to make life choices then blame someone else for them.

This is so infuriating!! You are being completely unreasonable of course she’s a lone parent! Absolutely nothing to do with the money! She should be getting money she’s entitled to it! As should you but it’s not her fault you are not getting it! I’m a lone parent do absolutely everything by myself. Didn’t receive any money from my sons father for years now I do but it doesn’t make me any less of a lone parent or any less lonely! Do u think you would be able to buy a second parent with the money she gets?

I don’t think there is a term for a lone parent who gets financial support, if that’s what you’re looking for

This is what is wrong with the world everyone trying to compare themselves with everyone else, when in reality we are all struggling in some way or another.
It may be hard for you that u get no financial help from your child's father, however instead of silently resenting your friend who is also a lone parent you should be happy that she doesn't have to struggle financially like you do. It's not your friends fault that the father of her child pays his way and the father of your child doesn't so why arnt you more focused on why that is? Why isn't the father of your child paying maintenance? To be honest you sound very petty and jealous and not a very good friend especially because you are secretly resenting your friend.
If you haven't already I reccomend you contact CMS to see if you can get any type of payment from the father and if anything he will then be on the system should he gain employment in the future they will then be able to deduct straight from his wages.
But this sitting here silently resenting your friend for having a bit of financial help is not healthy for anyone and you need to get a grip before you lose a lovely friendship.
Remember life is not a competition and no one should compare themselves to anyone else we are all unique and all have our struggles, the right and kind thing to do is to just be there for one another.

Why does it matter?